My own reflection

 My own reflection

During our dinner conversation it occurred to me that in two months my eldest daughter will be eighteen years old. I started reflecting on my own life and who I was at that age. She is about to finish high school and is looking forward to the next chapter of her life; college. She is busy applying, planning, and going through all kinds of mixed emotions.

When I turned eighteen I got married and moved to the United States of America. Before, I was focused on my school and wanted to become a doctor. I started supporting my family at the age of 15, I was a respectful girl and happily living my teenage years. Two of my sisters got married at the age of seventeen. My father passed away when I was pretty young and we didn’t have a brother to depend on. Since we lived in a male dominant country I knew from birth how hard my mother had been living. The only way we sisters could help relieve our mother’s burden was to get married at early ages. I still remember the day like yesterday. I got home from high school, and my mother said, “Go change and freshen up. Someone is coming to see you today.” I had had a long day at school and had a lot of work to do, but I also knew this day would come. I was 17 and finishing high school when my husband‘s marriage proposal came for me.

            At that time and in that culture arranged marriages at the ages of 17 and 18 were common. I did what I was supposed to do, and got married. I pushed my dreams aside and started thinking about my husband, and moving to America. I started accepting his lifestyle and his culture. It didn’t take long for me to leave my family, country and my dreams. At the age of 18, I suddenly became a wife, daughter-in-law and took on all the responsibilities that come with those roles. At that time I felt like it was my job to make everyone happy and be a very good person because I was representing my culture and family. Now looking back yes, the process was difficult but I have no regrets about anything. I took the responsibilities I was given and mastered them.

            When I look at my eldest daughter I am shocked at how truly different a generation gap can be. I was under my culture’s influence when I grew up.  But as I have raised my own children it isn’t the same as how I was raised. Getting married is the last thing on her and my mind. Right now she is looking forward to going to the prom, graduation, graduation party, moving to college, and making new friends.

She is a beautiful person from inside to outside. She gets good grades and mentors freshmen girls. She started working when she turned 16 too. Whenever she gets paid she brings her check to me and asks me for some pocket money.  She has good values, and always puts her family first. We share the same values but have grown up in completely different ways.

I had my daughters at an early age and although I chose to raise them differently, I don’t regret the way I grew up. There are different perspectives on everything, especially on raising a child; I chose to give my girls the best opportunities available. I didn’t get that privilege when I was young and so I have tried to give them all sorts of experiences.

            When I was 18 I moved to a different country permanently, I respect and admire my mother greatly for staying strong with me through that. My daughter is going to college and that makes me nervous. I can’t even imagine sending my girls overseas as a bride, with new people and a new lifestyle for good.  I knew nothing about life then, and it was a very difficult transition. But now looking at the bigger picture my mother did a huge favor for me. It’s sad to say but I am better off here then in my own country. 

My daughter and I are only one generation apart, but raising her has come down to my basic principles. I have tried to help her make good choice and taught her about many different viewpoints.