Yesterday was my oldest daughter’s Iman’s last day of her four years of college classes. No words can describe how happy and proud I am at Iman. As a mom, I am extra proud because she finished her college in four years and she is the first child in the family graduating from University of California Los-Angeles (UCLA).
Iman moved to UCLA for years ago. Iman and I talk on the phone, text or Facetime with each other pretty much every single day. We share our daily routine and are involved just like if she were still living home. But three or four months ago, I noticed that Iman seemed stressed and worried. When I asked her, at first she didn’t want to tell me and was making excuses. But later she broke down and said to me, “I don’t understand why every single person I talk to are all asking me, “what are you doing to do after graduation? Where are you going work”? She cried and was feeling overwhelmed. I feel really sad and bad for her. I talked to her and helped her as much as I could. A month ago, the same thing happened. But this time since Iman was so close to being done she had no motivation at all about school. But at the same time people were asking her about the next step of her life. If you have been to college or if you know someone who has, it’s very normal right before the semester is over or right before graduation that you are done. You have no motivation at all. I completely understood Iman. Each day you literally have to drag yourself.
Since Iman is my oldest daughter, anything she goes through is my first experience, too. I realized that what people (mostly Americans) are asking her and what Iman is going through is part of American culture. I never thought of it before. As soon as you finish college, right away you start working and not just working find a higher-paying job because competition is tough and the higher paying job you get is better for you, and that’s become your identity.
Since I was born in Karachi. I could clearly see how differently both cultures look at the same thing. I talked to Iman and said to her, “Take a break and look how far you have come. Most of the kids’ graduation is five years. You didn’t quit or dropped classes.You worked hard and soon you will be holding a diploma in your hands, and that college digreee NOBODY I mean NOBODY can take it from you. Also now you are one of the educated woman in this world. Do you have any idea how powerful power you have now”? Iman was crying the whole time while she was listening to me, but before we hung up she said, “Thank you, Mom I am feeling much better now”. I didn’t say anything about job or money because I know my Iman; she is already applying, and right right I wanted Iman to enjoy this huge milestone of her life.
A few days later when Iman and I Facetimed, right away when I saw her face I could tell something was different about it, and she seemed happy. Before I even asked her she said to me, “Mom I have decided I want to be happy first and then a job and everything else”. I got teary eyes with the joy and said to Iman,”‘You are only 21 years old and you learned the most important thing in life is being happy”. Also “ I am so proud of you”. She also said “I am looking for a job but I have faith I will find it”. I tod Iman, “I have no doubt that you will find it but right now enjoy your graduation”. .
From the Pakistani culture, perspective one thing at a time. The college graduation is a beautiful time of a child’s life. Of course work is important too, but don’t forgot to celebrate and from and then you have rest of your life to work. I never thought of it before, how differently both cultures look at the college graduation and how much pressure our kids here in America feel about a job and making money. Very sad.
Personally I don’t like the idea how much our kids feel pressure from the culture. They are only in their 20; how would they know what they want to do in the future. I know for sure I didn’t know and I still don’t know. Life's a journey now a destination. Let’s be sensitive and careful when we ask college kids about their future. Let’s not put any kind of pressure on them and but to show care and love and let them know it’s OK if you don’t have a job lined up before you graduate. Let’s celebrate you and your many years of hard work. There shouldn't be any kind of competition, and I hope our kids learn the whole point of going to college is NOT getting a higher-paying job and that job should not be your identity. You yourself are a whole lot more than that. Being happy is the most important thing in life. After graduation their life goal shouldn’t be finding a higher paying job where you might be making lots of money but miserable.
Don’t take me wrong and I know many of you students and the parents are thinking, “What about the college loan”? I get that. Iman has a loan, too. All I am saying is don’t forget your child's well wishes, health, mental healthy and show love and care first. They have the rest of their life to pay back their loan and work. But this time is very important and special. If we miss it we can’t bring it back. Be Happy! 