Happy 2016!

Whether we are ready or not, 2015 is about to leave us, and 2016 are looking forward to enter. As many of you know, every year I like to do my whole year inventory and see what I have achieved and what am I looking forward to in the new year. My 2015 year was a good year, and I am proud to say I did achieve pretty much all of mine realistic goals. The top goals I achieved were I get my black belt, I lived in the power of now and enjoyed each day with a positive attitude. For the last couple of years, I had a dream to publish a book, and finally in 2015 I published my first book. In 2015 my other goal was to go to my daughter’s university to visit her. This is her last year, and I so wanted to go this year. The whole year went by, and for many reasons I couldn't go to UCLA. I’m not happy about it, but there is nothing I can do to change it. So I had to let it go.

It seemed like we just started 2015, and here I am writing about 2015 being about to end. It went pretty quickly and made all of us a year older. I am looking forward to 2016 with more realistic goals and hoping for an even  better year for all of us. I know not everyone had a good year. Many bad things happened, not just locally but also nationwide. It was, is and always will be very sad, and my heart goes out to those victims and to their friends and families. Unfortunately life goes on, and slowly but surely we learn how to start living without our loved once. But they will always be into our hearts. And we will miss them dearly.

I hope and I am praying 2016 will be a much better year for all of us. And if for whatever reason you couldn’t achieve your 2015 goals--- whether they were a  healthy lifestyle, exercise, starting own business or starting or finishing school --- whatever was your goal, please don’t be discouraged. We can’t go back and change anything, but what we have is today and hopefully tomorrow. So start where you left off and start walking again. We aren’t competing with anyone but with our own self. The key to achieve any goal is to believe in yourself and have a positive attitude.  

I wish you all a very Happy New Year!

My Hajj

My Ammie was a Muslim woman. And she practiced it every single day until she died. But there was one pillar of Islam called Hajj, which is the last pillar of Islam. She always wanted to do that. That was her wish before she died. Here is where you can learn about what Hajj is;  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hajj. Growing up I knew that was her last wish but due to her social, economic and religions requirements, she couldn’t go to  Saudi Arabia to do her Hajj. Many Muslim women and men--- young and old--- who have gone to Hajj before say when they went they felt a very strong connection toward the religion and felt it was their calling and nothing could stop them.

For some reason I have not felt that connection or calling to go to Hajj, but three years ago, after 7 years of not visiting family in Karachi, I was planning on visiting my Ammie with my girls, but something inside of me told me that instead of us going to Karachi I should send Ammie to Hajj. When I talked to her about it, of course she got pretty excited and happy. But for religious reason Ammie couldn’t go all by herself or with me. Due to the religious requirements women have to be with a male figure whom she can’t  marry. I happen to have a cousin who was living in Saudi Arabia. I called him, and he and I were planning Ammie’s hajj a while; she had a massive stroke, and of course she left this world without going to Hajj.

When I find out about Ammi’s stroke I couldn’t stop myself from being with her. I left the USA as soon as I could so I could be with her. Shortly after that, she started recovering  a little bit, and at some point I had to come back to the states. Before I left I didn’t have much hope for her long life, and like it or not I had to be honest with myself and I said goodbye to Ammie  forever and came back.

I didn’t have any plans to return after this trip. I dreamed about getting a call from my family and finding out she passed away. But that didn’t happen. Ammie started having small strokes, and her health started going down in no time. In June 2014 she went in vegetative coma. I had no plan at all for going back to Karachi but once I heard that, I couldn’t stop myself from being with her. It was like she was calling me, and I couldn't wait to leave everything here and just go. And that’s exactly what I did. I didn’t care about anything else, but she was calling me. And I had to go. The peace I received being with her is  indescribable. I saw  my Ammie was in a coma and pain was in pain, but I tried my best to provide comfort as much as possible for her. I feel pretty lucky and blessed she died right in front of my sisters, nieces and me. And my heart tells me that, that was my Hajj.

Before I started writing this column I’m fully aware many people might not agree with me or they might get upset, but my request for those people is please read my entire column and try to understand from my side but if you can’t that’s completely OK with me, and I will respect that. Personally I try to avoid  writing about anything related to religion because to me religion is personal, and everyone is entitled to have their own opinion. And I don’t like to create any negative issue related to religion. I love everyone regardless of their beliefs.

Are we good listeners?

Recently I met someone for the very first time, and right away she made me feel welcome and comfortable. It didn’t take long for me to figure out that she is one of those people who knows the real meaning of listening. We all have experienced that many say they are listening but we can tell they aren’t really listening. They already have figured out what you are saying or what you should or shouldn't do they can’t wait for you to finish your sentence so then they can reply to you. And there are many  people who likes to finish your sentences because they have already know what you are going to say.  

According to Eckhart Tolle “When listening to another person, don't just listen with your mind, listen with your whole body. Feel the energy field of your inner body as you listen.That takes attention away from thinking and creates a still space that enables you to truly listen without the mind interfering. You are giving the other person space - space to be. It is the most precious gift you can give. Most people don't know how to listen because the major part of listening is taken up by thinking.” I agree with him, and he is so right. Why can’t we just listen without thinking? When I met this person I could feel she was truly was listening to me without thinking. And she gave me space to be. When I left meeting with her I was feeling pretty positive, energetic, calm, in control and focused. The power of listening can be that powerful.

And it goes both way. Don’t just expect when we are talking the other person should listen to us fully. We listeners should do the same thing when it is our turn to listen. And when we show someone we are listening to them, it shows we care and respect them enough where they have our  full attention. Because they are important to us. And like Eckhart Tolle said, “It is the most precious gift you can give”. Simple listening to someone is the precious gift we can give to another person. We all like to talk and especially women. Many times we just want someone to listen but not to solve any issue or give advice. It’s such a simple thing to do, but sadly, most people don’t know how to do it.

I’m around many  people who are very good listeners and I’m fully aware what listening means,  and I believe that’s why when I met this beautiful lady who is also a very good listener I noticed in her. Without going into detail, why are we always thinking? Why can’t we just be and be present fully and enjoy the other person and the give other person the respect they deserve?        

I also have experienced that other people won’t let you talk, and the entire conversation is about them or  things you aren’t interested in at all. And when I’m leaving from there I feel tired, exhausted, disrespectful and have no desire of meeting again. Another thing that bothers me a-lot is when you are talking to other person he or she is doing four other things at the same time. And you try to get their attention on you, but the  other person doesn’t  get it and tries really hard to convince you that, “believe me, I’m listening to you”. It’s not very nice and disrespectful.

Listening is such a simple and a precious gift we can give to each other. I hope the next time when someone  is talking to us we try to give that person our full attention without thinking, and if you are already a good listening and give full attention without thinking or distraction you should be proud of yourself. People like you make us believe there are really good people out there who truly care and listen with there your whole body.

Was that my Ammie?

Sunday, November 1, around 6:30 a:m, I started driving toward Urbana to my Taek-won-do class, which start at 7:00 a:m. A day before, I was on the radio talked about my recently published book. It was a great experience and I wanted to share with my love ones. The interviewer gave me her USB drive so I could save it for myself.

As soon as I sat down in my car, I remembered her USB drive was in my purse, and I haven’t heard it. So I plugged it into my car and started driving and looked around. It was a beautiful morning. Sun was out, and it was a perfect temperature. I was feeling pretty rested and happy. The very first thing I heard was this song called “Im so proud of you” by Knight in White. I have never heard that song before. I started getting chills and then I noticed while I was driving slowly something was moving above my car and got my attention. It was really low clouds near by my car. The next thing I noticed the sun was gone. The entire area was covered with clouds and fog. And I found myself crying while hearing, “Im so proud of you”. while driving and the only person came into my mind was my Ammie (mother).

My Ammie passed away June 14, 2014. Growing up I was pretty religious, but later on I lost my strong bonding with my religion and become more spiritual than religious. I know many religious people have faith that once our family members/loved ones passed they are still around us and always watching over us. I lost all of that faith. Since my mother passed away, of course, there is not a day that goes by  I don’t think about her or miss her, but this unexpected experience made me wonder, was it her? Was she telling me how much she is proud of me and she is around me? I don’t know. But my heart is saying yes, it was her, and she is around and proud of her.

Many people around me told me their spiritual experience, and of course I respect that and don’t judge them based on how I feel about that. But one thing is for sure; until you experience your own, there is no way we can understand what others must experience. It has been 1 ½ years since Ammie left, and this was my very first spiritual experience. I felt her presence all around me, and it was pure, calming, beautiful and indescribable experience. Ammie, I hope you are proud of me, and I miss you every single day.

Take your power back

I have been thinking about this issue for the longest time and was also working on myself. As a young adult, of course I didn't understand, but as I started getting older and went through many different life experiences now I understand, pretty clearly how powerful we women are, but unfortunately many of us don’t even know and we give our own power to other person, and many of them abuse it and treat us how even they want to treat us. My beautiful readers, I am sure you got the idea I am talking about women’s power and their relationships with their significant others.

When I got married to my ex-husband, I was pretty young and didn’t even know my own self. It took me a while to find out who I am and what makes me happy and what I want. I have countless women around me who are miserable in their relationships because first of all they aren’t happy with themselves. They complain about him and are hopeful for a better future, but here is my observation: Of course the other person takes some responsibility, too, but right now my focus is only on women.

In the beginning of the relationship we women not all, but most of us don’t take our time, which means we rush into the things, get super excited, already thinking about the future and WE, NOT HIM, make ourselves believe he is the one for us. The one reason is most of us women are pretty emotional. We all know men think differently  than us even after knowing we still believe he is thinking like the way we think. We fool our own selves. It’s so important for us women to know that what we want. And if we aren’t happy with our own selves, then how can we make happy another person happy? We all wish for a healthy, happy and loving relationship, right? I love this quote, “The best project you’ll even work on is you”.

It’s extremely important for us women to find out ourselves first and also enjoy own company first and be comfortable being alone. We women are capable of taking care of countless things. And we feel pretty proud and confident. But then why are many of us women failing in the relationships? I think first of all we need to learn to be with ourselves first and not to worry about what others will think. It’s our life, and only we are responsible for our decisions. I know  many women around me are desperate for a man’s attraction. And I am sorry to say those ladies for sure get attention but not positive and also for a short time. Another issue I’m seeing is that the older women are getting they are afraid that they might not meet anyone, so some of them are willing to settle down with whoever and soon they realized it doesn't work like that.

And when we meet someone and we really like this person it’s great and all that, but we should still take time, keep it slow, getting to know each other pretty clearly, his likes and dislikes and also don’t drop everything for him. Finding a balance in life is the key for success. And having balance makes us in control, too. To my observation men like strong, powerful, balanced and understanding women. Here I’m not talking about young kids but adults relationships. And also remember if we are looking for a full package, so does he. Instead of focus on him, focus on oneself and see, do I have all doesn’t qualities, and please be honest with yourself.

If you ask any mature men, they all will say the samething. We women make rules and we are in control and in power. Do we all feel that? When I first started to meet men I was still in the  process of finding my own happiness. And of course I gave my own power to them and later I felt miserable but later when I fully I understand I feel pretty comfortable and in control. I know many women around me who are divorced with kids and are looking for a healthy and happy relationship, but sad to say they don’t want to work on themselves but kept blaming men. And later cry and beat themselves up for giving their power to the other person.

It’s never too late to learn about anything as long as we are willing to make changes and take own own control back. No body I mean nobody can make us feel bad or small about ourselves unless we give that permission to that person. From day one, if you see or feel something, don’t let it go because most of the time it gets worse. And many times it’s not too late, but need the extra work or energy required to make change. As a mother of two daughters, it’s my job to teach my girls how important and powerful they are. And don’t let any man treat them however they want but with respect, love and care.

Dear readers, especially women, I hope you get my point you are in power as and where you are. And that’s how we were born. Don’t give it to anyone, and don’t let anyone take it from you. Use it wisely and know you’re in control and responsible for your  own behavior and the choices you’re making it. Show confident and whatever you believe and say, mean it. Girl power!  

Never Say Never Ever

The long-distance relationship topic is something diffrent people feel differently about. Most people don’t believe it can work. And those people get questions when they find out someone is in a long distance relationship. I have many couples around me some met online, and some met through friends while they were visiting, then the other person has to go back to their own state or county. They felt chemistry toward each other or clicked and wanted to pursue a relationship. They kept their communication open and they met as much as possible, and before they knew it, they got married had kids and started living together here in the States.

According to the women's health magazine “We're one of the estimated 3.5 million married U.S. couples who live apart—a stat that reflects the rise of online dating (where it's easy to meet someone in a different area), an unreliable job market, and military deployments. And recently, Cornell University researchers confirmed my suspicion: Long-distance duos often communicate better and feel more connected than close-quarter couples. "They know they're at a disadvantage, so they put more time and effort into their relationship," says Tina Tessina, Ph.D. Here, tips that can help your partnership go the distance—even if you're never more than a few miles apart”. http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/long-distance-love. Honestly, I was in shock when I first read it. The number is pretty big. Long distance relationships are real and they do work out.

Here is the intersting story of my dear friend. My friend’s name is Zara. She was born in India and moved to the States as a bride when she was 20 years old. Today Zara is 45 years old. Zara’s ex-husband was also from India. At first everything was great; they have three kids together. But slowly he started losing interest in her. And 15 years later he asked for a divorce.  Zara was heartbroken and was forced to become a single parent. With time she started her life again, finished her education, got a really good currier and got involved with many other things she enjoy. She traveled all around the world. Zara become stronger then even. But one thing was for sure; she never ever wanted to meet or get married to another Indian man or ever moving back to India.The USA is her home.

After her children grew up, and she felt like it would be nice to have companionship  with the right person. four years ago, Zara decided to date. She met  many men from different nationalities. Many of them wanted to Marry Zara. She knew what she was look for, but unfortunately no one could touch her heart.  

She was getting frustrated but she wasn’t desperate at all. Zara has a lot going on, but the same time she wishes to share her life with a special person. All of her friends and family knew what kind of person/qualities Zara was looking for in the man.

This is what happened. Last year, one of her Indian friend name Neha told her about a man name Amir who she knew him personally; he is friends with her husband. And Neha lives in the States, and Neha and Zara have been friends forever. Neha  thought Amir would  be a perfect match for Zara, but as soon as  Neha told Zara about Amir, Zara said  no because he is from India, and he lives in India too. Nahe tried really had to convince her to give him a chance and then go from there. She said to her “why don’t you meet with him and then decide?” Also Neha told Zara “be open to it and you never know”. Naha  also told her not every Indian man was alike. Please give him a chance.

Last summer, Amir  was in the States visiting with his kids and was visiting Neha  and her family. Amir already knew about Zara from Neha and her husband. He was interested meeting her. Amir himself called Zara and asked her to meet. I don’t know what changed in her, but she agreed to meet with him but with the attitude “ it is just a meeting nothing else”  just because Amir was from India. He came to meet with her in her town. As soon as she saw him she couldn't believe how much attraction she felt  towards him not just physical, but also mental attraction. He liked her, too. And he asked her to meet again.  According to Zara, “It was magical”. The more Amir was telling Zara  about his life, the more Zara was getting attractive to him. According to Zara “ He is the one I have been waiting for”. He was honest and told her all about his divorce, past and his two kids. Amir  is a businessman and he told her the very first time they met, “ I was living away from India for last 10 years and now I moved back to India and am trying to establish my business again. He also made is very clear that whoever he is going to marry has to live in India with him for at least 5 years or more  because right now his business requires his time and full attention. Zara and Amir met a few more times, and then it was time for Amir to go  back to India. But they kept the communication open through technology.

It has been almost three months already, and they are both interested in each other and someday would like to marry, but before that there is a lot homework to do from both sides, but especially from  Zara’s side. A long time ago, Zara left India for good but now she met her dream boy, and he is from India and he can’t move to the States now but later, after five years. So Zara has to move to India. Can she go back after 25 years of living in the states independently? Will she be OK living away from her kids? There is a huge mentality cultural difference between both countries. Can Zara adopt that and live in India comfortably? Zara has to let go of her career and start all over again in India. She has a lot of things to figure out for herself. Amir, on the other hand, is also concerned will Zara be OK with this life-changing move.

Not too long ago I met Zara for lunch and I asked her,  “you never wanted to move back or get married to another Indian man. What changed?” She said, “Amir has all those qualities I always wanted in a man but we still have a long way to go and getting to know each other more”. They are both planning on meeting again soon and getting to each other on a daily basis. Zara also told me that, “It was my dream to meet someone like Amir and now since I met him I want to take a chance and don’t let any fears stop me. And if for some reason if it doesn’t work out,  it would be hard to accept, but with time I will. But at least I can always look back and say that I am one of those lucky woman you met her dream guy”. She added, “who would have thought he would be from India”? But now since I met him and this is the situation I am sure with time things will work out for both of us and for our kids. We are very open to each other and communicate about everything”.

After talking to Zara about Amir and knowing he is in an Indian and she is here in the States and they are having a long distance relationship, it made me trust more to  just follow your heart and you will find your way. A person like Zara who is very strong and independent, in a million years I will never ever thought she would be thinking about moving back to India for an Indian man. Amir must have something pretty special to have  conversed Zara to trust men again. I am very happy for her and wish both of them good luck.  

We all wish to have a happy and healthy relationship. We all know that there is no  perfect woman or man, so why do we focus on perfection and disappoint ourselves?  Instead of focusing on  the other person, we should focus on our own self and become the  of partner we wish to have. I believe both parties have to invest 100 percent according to have a healthy and a happy relationship. I wish we can all get back to “less is more” and instead of after fairytale concept to get real and share our love to someone special and also get love and respect back in return. Never say never ever. We never know when and how we will meet someone special and our life can change for good forever. Don’t be afraid of change. Yes, it can be scary or difficult, but often change or a difficult road leads to a  beautiful place.  

My Summer Break

This is my very first summer without my girls or going back to Karachi, Pakistan to visit my ill mother. It feels pretty strange not to take care of the family. I’m not sure I like this freedom, or am I missing responsibilities? I know one thing for sure; I am a people person. So I am differently missing human interaction on the daily basis. Plus I always have something or someone to take care of. So right now it’s a nice change and a challenge at the same time. I only have to take care of myself, which I’m learning now at this age.

I work in School, so during summer, school is off. Before summer break started, all the kids, parents and teachers were so excited and were looking forward  to a break. Many people made plans to travel, visiting families or work around the home. I don’t  have any of those plans. But I have to admit it has been almost a month since I am home on summer break and have  no plans it’s kind of nice.

Now slowly I am learning how to relax and I don’t always have to be on go. Now I call it, I am recharging my batteries, and it feels wonderful. I realized I had become one of those people who likes to be on schedule all the time. Which there is nothing wrong with, and when you have a lot to take care or if a lot going on, having a schedule helps.

Another thing I am dealing with or learning that is new to me is that my girls are older now and they don’t need me as much as they did before on a daily basis. They will always need their mother but now they can pretty much take care of everything without my help. I’m  really proud of them, but it’s a learning process for me. I am so used to it doing everything for them. I have to trust them and let them fly and trust them. Yes, they will make mistakes, but it’s part of being human, and this is the only way they will learn about life. And both of them know their mother will always be there for them.

Since I am home I also noticed I have time to do the things I have been waiting for such as working in the garden, meeting friends or publishing a book. I have been working on a book for the last two years and finally I’m almost done and I am proud to say my first book is published.

When we take a break that’s when we realize how busy we were and we enjoy break not being on the schedule but relaxing. As an adult we have lots of responsibilities and as a good citizen we try our best, but I feel like we forgot our own self and we focused on the destination instead of the journey. Why do we only enjoy summer time? Three month out of the 12 months. Why don’t we enjoy the other 9 months, too? Different people have different jobs and different responsibilities. There’s no arguing on that. But no matter what kind of life we have we should enjoy each day and instead of waiting for a summer break or a vacation that  is in the future we should feel today because that’s all we have. Tomorrow may never come but we have today. Many people, including myself, plan ahead and worry for tomorrow but we forgot what about today.

Enjoyment doesn’t mean spending money or changing routine. Whatever we are doing and wherever we are, take a deep breath and feel the moment and make memories. Today will become yesterday, and nobody knows what will happen tomorrow but the beautiful today NOW is here.

Dreams do come true if you never give up

Since I was young, my journaling has been my best friend, counselor and therapy. My writing helps me to understand whatever the situation I’m in and helps me to see what’s happening and where can I go from there. It has been almost 26 years since I started writing. I still remember the day right before I moved to the states. One of my cousins gave me a journal and said to me, “ This is a going-away gift for you from me. Make sure before you move, write down everyone’s mailing address in this journal, so we can all write letters to each other”. And he wrote his own address into the journal and gave it to me. Right a away, I loved his gift. This was a time when technology wasn’t available as it’s now.

The very first story I wrote into that journal was my entire travel experience while I was on my way from Karachi to the Chicago. It has been almost 26 years, and still to this day when I open my journal it takes me back to that brand new unknown experience. This was the time I couldn’t speak or write English so I wrote in Urdu, the Pakistani native language.

One thing led to another, and I got busy with family and the kids. But I never stopped writing. If not every day, whenever I got the chance even for few sentences. I always felt better once I put my thoughts onto the paper. Later on while I was still keeping a  journal, I made my writing blog and started writing for newspaper columns and am still  writing those. But that didn’t satisfy me. I always admire people who write books. And I was envied them and wondered if one day I could also write a book.

My writing-a-book project started two years ago, without knowing how people publish. It wasn’t an easy task, but once you make your mind about anything, you can achieve it. I am a true believer you just do your part,  then the universe does the rest. One thing leads to another, and before you know it, your complete dream is right in front of you and smiling at you. I ’m proud to say yesterday July 16, I ordered my first copy. Here is my link to my book http://www.amazon.com/Life-Beautiful-Zainab-Susi/dp/1514635046/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1437934235&sr=1-1

I must thank  those people you believed in me and helped me to make my dream come true. I thank you from bottom of my heart. People like you make this world more beautiful.

As many of you know, this year I didn’t make New Year's resolutions but am making monthly resolutions. And my month of July resolution was to publish my book. And I did it.

My whole point in writing this article is whatever you dream was or is never ever too late to achieve. The only time we can’t achieve is when we give up. Whoever said it was so true that,  “winners never quit,” and quitters never win”. Be happy doing it and believe in yourself; you can do it.  

Where is my Genie?

We all know Genie isn’t real and it’s a made up creature who can make any of your wishes come true. Of course even as a child I never believed in Genie. But now as an adult I really wish a Genie were real and I could ask him to bring the rest of my family from Pakistan to the United States and that they all could all live with me peacefully and don’t have to struggle daily for basic human rights.

Right now I am feeling pretty sad and frustrated at the same time. Here in the Illinois, the temperature is pretty, hot but we get get rain and many ways to cool ourselves down. Pretty much anywhere we go there is air conditioning running. And we don’t have to worry about losing electrical power.

We have struggles here, too, but at least not for basic human needs. Even for homeless people there are many shelters available for the entire family, but that’s not the case in Karachi, where my family is.

Before I start writing what’s happening there, I also want to point  out  that this is a holy month of Ramadan. Ramadan is one of the pillars of Islam. This is the month you must fast from sunrise to sundown for the entire month. And the way is works you absolutely can’t eat or drink anything until the sundown. And since Ramadan came in the Summer this year, each day fast is almost 18 hours long. Can you imagine that. But Muslims who follows the religion  fast no matter what because that’s something you don’t have a choice but to do it. Here is a  link about Ramadan  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramadan_(calendar_month) Here in the States, Muslims are fasting,  too, but again there are many ways you can cool down and take it easy while you are fasting, but what choice do Karachi people have.

Here are  many reasons why I am frustrated. I had applied for my family immigration in 2004, and this is 2015. After 11 years, still so signs for them to come here. When I call U.S. Immigration, they tell me there is nothing you and I can go anymore. Your family files are in the national visa center. They are still working on 2003 files; when your sister’s turns come they will let you know. So just sit and wait. This could take three more years to eight more years or more.  Very very frustrating.

Now since this is month of Ramadan and Pakistan is a muslim country. The entire country is fasting. And each year Karachi’s temperature is getting higher and higher in the summer. Right now the average temperate of karachi is 105-113 degrees Fahrenheit. And Karachi is very dry they hardly even get good rain. And the humidity is also pretty high. It’s not a joke: Humidity high, no air conditioning running, no electric power to run fans or fridge. Yes you can have generators, but the way their generators work, you are limited to use. Plus they break down pretty quickly. When the temperature is 1113 above and you are fasting and top of that no electricity  for 10 hours a day, can you imagine how people must be feeling  there?

I pretty much FaceTime with my family on a daily base. And I see while they are sitting talking to me sweat running down their skin. They are feeling absolutely miserable. Here is one thing about hot temperature we humans have no control over. But when Karachi electric supply company turn electricity off for many hours while people are fasting, what do you say to them? I call it abuse, and sad to say the Pakistan government isn’t doing anything at all. I know since Pakistan isn’t a development country; we have to share electricity with others. But still don’t like it and they should come up with a different plan.  

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/sns-bc-as--pakistan-20150627-

story.html  

http://tribune.com.pk/story/909513/heatwave-volunteerism-these-images-will-restore-your-faith-in-karachi

It makes me so sad and frustrated not just for my family for everyone else. I feel guilty even though it’s not my fault but to see my family and others are absolutely miserable and struggling each day for their basic needs. And I truly wish if I could have a genie; I would ask him to bring everyone here and live comfortably.

What’s the Pakistani Government waiting for?

It’s absolutely horrible, painful, heartbreaking and frustrating to listen and watch what’s happening right now in Karachi. Temperatures are at an extreme high and there is a massive heat wave over the city, we don’t have control over mother nature but we can adapt to it. That’s why it’s ridiculous that for 8-10 hours at a time the electricity and power will be off for many homes in Karachi. It’s the month of Ramadan so many people are fasting as well. At the very least people should be able to be comfortable in their own homes. Why do KESC (Karachi electric supply corporation ) have load shedding during Ramadan? Why can’t they come up with an alternative? More than 800 people have already died from the heat-stroke. Don’t they have the hearts to feel pain at all for other humans. More than 800 families have already lost their loved ones and who knows how many more innocent lives are about to be lost.

My mind doesn't get it. Right now, as a Pakistani I am ashamed of my birth county. I know there are lots of wonderful organizations in Karachi doing a marvelous job! And I salute them! They are the real heroes! But their resources are limited. Why the Pakistani government isn’t doing anything is a question that needs to be answered. This is an emergency and there are no shelters provided by government

I wonder what the limit is for how many lives can be lost before something is done. Normal humans feel sympathy towards other humans, they try to help.  

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-33251100 

http://tribune.com.pk/story/908940/fast-can-be-broken-to-avoid-health-risks/

Mentally, physically and technically

When my girls and started living alone, at first it was pretty scary. I wanted my girls and I to feel comfortable living alone even thought that time they were only 7 and 8 years old. I  signed up for Taekwondo class so they could  learn self-defence and get exercise and also to keep them away from trouble. The tkd place was quite far from our home. When I took  them there, I always stayed there and watch them learning tkd. This class was for all ages. There was many time I thought, “ what am I doing bringing my girls here, waiting  and watching them;  why don’t I  join them”?

But there was something inside of me stopped me. Maybe it was my upbringing, Muslim religion or the culture I grew up in. There was this voice back of my mind telling me that, a  woman's job is to take care of her family and kitchen. I never minded taking care of my family or cooking but I also wanted to do the things what I wanted to do.  My girls’ tks instructor was also Muslim and was from Egypt, and he understood the religion and the culture part. One day I got the courage and I asked him if I could join.  Of Course he said ”yes”. Before I knew it, we three of us were learning tkd together, and it was so much fun for us.

I didn’t care about the belts, but to have confidence, exercise and doing something together with my girls. At some point my girls go busy with their school and after-school activities and they decided to quit tkd. I quite too. But I always missed it. Two years later,  when my oldest got driver's licence,  I decided to go back to tkd. I was happy again. Without my girls it wasn’t same, but I was getting my exercise. There was many times due to the busy lifestyle I had quit tkd, but I always missed it. But I always go back.

Every six months or so,  we have to take next belt exam. I didn’t care about the next belt, but with time I kept getting higher and higher belts. Last year when I got my red belt I was so in shock and was happy and excited because after red belt is black belt. I didn’t think I could even make it to the red belt. Here is something about my instructor he noticed: I lack confidence in myself. He always tells me  “don’t doubt yourself and have confidence in you”.

Before we get our next belt, there is a exam we have to pass. Before my exams I always e-mail him and ask  him, “Do I have to take exam”? and tell him, “I am not ready and I can’t do it”. He always replied back with positive and encouraging words. Every belt I received I deserved it I truly worked hard. Back in November, 2014  he told me and the other students, “ your black belt exam is coming up soon and here are the requirements”. Black belt exam requirements are higher than other requirements. Once again I was doubting  myself but couldn’t believe I’m this close to get my first degree belt belt. He told me he will fully support me as long as I put 100 percent and have confidence in yourself.

That was and still my problem. I thought I was doing my best,  but two weeks ago, he email to the students going for the exam,  “I would like to inform you that at this point, we are holding off for the black belt exam. I can tell very well that unfortunately this group of students are not ready yet mentally to fulfill the requirements of one of the most prestigious exam in the world. From now on, I will keep watching this group in an individual level ( no more group exam), and who ever is ready mentally, physically and technically, to earn the black belt, I will be more than happy to handle her this honorably and prestigious degree”.

Of Course I wasn’t happy about that,  but I had to be honest with myself. I was going to quit but at the sametime I know I am not a quitter, so that was not even as option for me. And quieting means I am choosing easy way out. And for sure no black belt for me.  And I thought I was doing my best and was putting 100 percent. But I know I wasn’t. My best wasn't enough. I wasn’t upset at him at all because he is right. I was upset at myself. Here is something about me. I get distracted pretty easily and I don’t like that side of me.  And when I am distracted it’s so easy for me to get off the wagon.  And I know this isn’t any belt; it’s a black belt. He tells us “ having a black belt is like having a weapon without a licence”. When and how I can be ready mentally, physically and technically, I don’t know.  I am trying but is trying or doing our best is enough?  I guess not.

          My whole point of writing this story is when I first started tkd I didn't’ care about the belts but now I do and I am proud to say I am a martial arts student. And it has been 11 years since my girls and I living alone with conference because of taekwondo. BIG THANK YOU TO MY INSTRUCTOR, HANY YOUSSEF! If something is really important for you, you will work hard to get it. And never think you can’t do it. Yes, you can. Right Now my goal is get my black belt and I don’t know when but I will get it.

...on May 11, 2015 I received my first degree black belt! :-)

What's going on?

This morning around 6:00 a.m. I woke up to go to work but I had no motivation at all and I was feeling very tired. I called in and went back to sleep. Today was not the first day I am feeling like this. It has been almost two weeks I have been feeling overwhelmed and have no motivation at all.

My friends and family  would described me as positive, a hard worker, strong, a thinker, energetic, a dreamer, happy, friendly, a supporter, a giver, likable, understanding, responsible, loyal, beautiful, a martial art student, a good writer, and living in the power of now. They aren’t wrong at all; I have all those great qualities  but sadly right now I’m not feeling many of those.  

My writing habit almost always helps me to understand how am I feeling and why.  But for some reason this time, I didn’t even want to sit down and write about it. Believe it or not, right now I rather be doing anything else then writing about how I am feeling. But I forced myself to sit down, and whatever thoughts I am having I want to put it on the paper, because it’s not a pretty place to be. And I know that’s NOT me. If I look around myself; I have a lot to be grateful for,   which is  I am. Such as I have a home to live in, a car to drive, food in my pantry, friends who will come on my one call and family members who are also always there  for me. I have a job and I don’t have kind of illness or any kind of chronic pain. So what’s going on with me? Why am I feeling down?

I am someone who lives by this rule and tells people: There is no tomorrow; what we have is today and I truly believe that. I also know no situation stays same. I’m hoping and wishing since I am feeling tired and overwhelmed, I will start feeling better soon and my weight would lift it up from my shoulders.

I wonder what caused me to feel the way I am feeling. And how did I get to me?  It’s my late mother? Today would be 10 months since my mother passed away. It still seemed unreal and painful to think about her strugglers. This would be my very first summer without going back to Pakistan to visit my mother. I work in a school, and in end of May my job would be over, so am I worrying  about summer break, may be? My girls are doing just fine, and they don’t need me as much as before,  so am I feeling lost without them? Or may be I got so used to with lots of responsibilities and now I have fewer  and that’s why I am feeling what I am feeling because I don’t know how to feel normal? The think about me is I have enough knowledge about many things and that’s why sometimes I feel overwhelmed because there is nothing anyone could do to change the way I am feeling. People say eating healthy food and exercise helps. I do that, too.

I am a people person.  I try my best to find something good in everyone. But at  the sametime I know it’s not possible to get along with everyone. Not too long ago, I did had have  some disagreements with my family and friends. And I tried to solved it as best as possible. Did I make it to my an ego issue? It’s possible but how that happened. I am very careful about anything I do or say to people where it’s an ego issue for me.

When I was young I prayed to God (Allah) all the time and I had blind faith in him. But later on in my life I started losing my faith, and when my mother got sick I completely lost it. Don’t get me wrong; I still believe in supernatural power,  but I became less religious. When I talked to my friends and family about my personal feeling not all, but many of them suggested that I  pray. I guess I’m still grieving or don’t believe in the power of prayers anymore. I don’t feel like to praying. My thing is if God knows what’s inside of our hearts, then why do we have to pray? I am not questioning anybody’s faith but being honest with myself and to others.

Another things I am struggling about what’s the purpose of life? In my case my biggest struggle is financial struggle. And I know money doesn't make us happy but it sure provides some securities. I have a four-year college degree and I am very intelligent, and my girls and I made it thought this far, but it seemed like what’s purpose of life to just make money and keep paying bills? I am not happy with that.

My school job  is about to be over and now I have to start looking for a summer job. Looking for a job isn't fun at all. Many of you know how it feel stressful and depressing. I am not an unhappy or a negative person but right now this is what it is. I know I am not the only person feeling the way I’m feeling. From time to time many of us do. I wish people would feel more comfortable sharing with others. Believe it or not, we would be helping eachother. I am not afraid to share, but it’s not an easy things to do but here I’m. It’s up to you; you can judge me, which I don’t care about, or you can see you aren't alone. Life is beautiful if you are connected with beautiful people!

Freedom is living

Since February is my birth month, I have decided this month I am going to focus on freedom. Freedom can be different for every individual. In this article I am going to write three different generations’ freedom. First I want to introduce you to someone; his name is Rati Dutta. Last summer my daughter and I went to cost cutters to get our hair cut. My daughter was getting hers done and while I was waiting I called a friend and we were talking in Urdu (Pakistani native language) . The door opened. and I looked up and I saw an older Indian man walking in. I kept talking to my friend. He sat next to me and said to me something to me in Urdu. I looked up and he was looking at me. I said goodbye to my friend and then I asked him, “Do you speak Urdu”? He replied, “I speak five languages”. I said “Wow that’s impressive”. He didn’t seem shy at all. We talked with each other for a very short time. And then it was my turn to get a haircut and I had to say goodbye to him. He gave me his card before I left. There was something different about Rati Dutta. He left a very nice, positive, and educational impression with me.

        A few weeks later I sent an email to him and asked him if he would like to meet with me for coffee. He was up for it. We met at the coffee shop. Since then we have been meeting and getting to know more about each other's lives. I call him Uncle Rati. From the cultural perspective it’s very impolite to call your elders by their name. And he calls me, daughter. I haven’t met anyone who could impress me that much before. Last week when we met, I was already thinking about freedom and so I decided to interview him for this column. I am writing about three generations of freedom. Uncle Rati’s , mine and my daughter  to see how different each generation looks at freedom and do we really know the real meaning of the freedom.

Name: Rati K. Dutta

Age: 79

Birth country: Kolkata, India

Profession: Medical Doctor

Name: Zainab Susi

Age: 43

Birth country: Karachi, Pakistan

Profession: Teaching assistant

Name: Herrah Hussain

Age:   19

Birth county: Illinois USA

Profession: Students

Rati Dutta was born in 1936 in Kolkatha, India. I asked him “How was your childhood”?  He said to me, he grew up under extreme poverty. He had 25 family members living with him in the small home. He has seven brothers, and three sisters. He didn’t have water and food growing up. When I asked him about electricity? He laughed and said, “You can live without electric but not without food and water”. When he was 8 years old, he met Gandhi. This was the first time Gandhi came to Kolkata. Something inside of him told him he didn’t want to live in poverty. After he finished high school he decided to go to medical school and become a Medical Doctor. He also wanted to learn English, so during his time at medical school in India he applied to go to London, and they gave him the visa to come to London to learn English. He told me during that time the plane ticket from India to London was only $70 dollars. When he said that, I couldn’t believe it. I looked at him with a surprised face and then him and I both laughed hard. He was 23 years old when he left his country for a better life. While he was learning English, he also got his M.B.B.S, M.D, F.R.C.S.:M.R.C.O.G: degrees. He speaks many languages and he is full of knowledge at the age of 79. He even remembers events with their dates and years.

At the hospital he was working at, he met a white British woman; she was working as a  secretary. In 1964 she became his wife and had two kids together. I asked him, the culture you and I both are from and especially during that time how did your family and friends react when you told them about your future wife, who was white and British?” He said, “Nobody was happy but I felt strongly about her and I picked love”. He also said that, “All of my colleagues who were Indian Doctors, they all went to India and got married to Indian brides”. He wanted to pick his own life partner. After 51 years later they are still married to each other. I asked him if he could start it all over again would he move to London and pick the same woman again? He said, “Yes”. January,1 1971 the entire family moved to the States. First they moved to New York and then later Uncle Rati and his wife moved to Champaign. His kids are older and are living their own lives. He also has grandkids.

He told me he also had met John F Kennedy and he has so much respect for President Lincoln. He added, “He is the man who spoke perfect English”. Uncle Rati is a well educated doctor and you can talk to him about any topic and he will talk back with you with full knowledge. I also noticed something about him so I asked him, “I noticed that you walk straight. How can you walk straight at the age of 79?” He answered me back, “I only eat natural food. I keep my mind active by reading and getting more knowledge.” At age of 79 he is still driving, he uses his cell phone and even emails. He still travels not just from state to state but to overseas. He dresses very business like and he respects other’s opinion and cares deeply about everyone else. After meeting with him and asking all those questions he made me think, he is a real testimony for all of us. He didn’t have anything when he started. He told me when he went to London he only had $20.00 with me. But he had a vision and hope for a better life and a better future for him and for his kids . Throughout his journey he wanted to live his life how he wanted to full of freedom and he did it. I feel blessed and lucky I got the chance to meet Uncle Rati Dutta.

Zainab Susi

My life is divided into three parts. The first part is from my birth to when I turned eighteen in Karachi. Those eighteen years of my life I had lots of dreams but I didn’t see any possible way to achieve them. There was so much struggle and worrying about tomorrow. I pretty much lived that part of my life day by day without knowing where I was heading or who I was. I did everything I was told to do, not what I wanted to do. I didn’t have a normal childhood or even adolescent. Due to the family situation I had to become an adult when I was just a child.  

My 2nd part of life started when I first moved to the States in 1999 to 2002. I never thought I would move from Karachi but you never know. I moved to a brand new country with brand new people. It took me a while to realize that this is my home now and there was no turning back. Was I happy? I don’t have an answer for that because my happiness was and still is with my family. But I remember many times when I called my mom and sisters as soon as I heard their voices tears started rolling down my cheeks and I so wanted to be with them. But I had to tell myself my life is where my husband lives. And he is my first family now. And that’s how I grew up.  

I was born in Pakistan and I will always will be recognized as a Pakistani. Even though I had to let go of my birth country nationality and become a U.S Citizen. Even today after 25 years later living in the states people still ask me, where are you from? Yes, my skin is brown and my hair is black I speak Urdu but I have no connection with Pakistan anymore besides having family living there. Every time I go back home I feel like a foreigner in my own birth country. The United States gave me citizenship but people don’t look at me as American. Many times I wonder, where do I belong? Whether I wanted to or not I accepted my new life as I have chosen it. I forgot about myself or my dreams but invested into my family because that’s what I was supposed to do. The two best things happened to me during this time and it is I became a mother of my beautiful girls. That time I was a stay at home wife and a Mom. And I was busy taking care of my family’s needs. This part of life ended when I got divorced. And then the new chapter started and this is the 3rd part of my life until now.

At this point I was all-alone. I never thought that someday I would get a divorce. During the early beginning stages of my divorce I had to chose if I wanted to stay there and feel pity for myself or start crawling without knowing where I was going and chose not to feel sorry for myself but use this hard time as my strength and I started looking at the glass like it was half full. And living in The United States made me realize people come to this country all over the world for freedom and I am already living here. Slowly but surely I started making my own life decisions. And each step I took led me to another and that’s how I made it this far as a single Pakistani born woman.

Two years ago, when my youngest daughter moved out for university she made my home empty. But soon after my Mother got sick my attention became devoted to her. Even though she was in Karachi and I was here, my mind was with her 24/7. Only 8 months ago when she passed away and I came back to the United States from Karachi I felt completely lost. I didn’t know where to start, I felt like a lost soul. I realized I got so used to taking care of others and now I didn’t have anyone to take care of and that was the part that was bothering me. I also realized I didn’t know what it felt like to be normal I went through intense therapy and knew I had to let go of my past completely and to stop worrying or looking forward to the future because what I have is just today. By doing that I felt so much lighter, I felt like I started living again but this time I am living with freedom and to me freedom is living. I never got the chance to take care myself while feeling full freedom. I am talking about freedom from physical freedom and mental freedom. Where you decide whatever and however you want to live your life. Where you are not controlled by anyone and I mean anyone. And you feel complete and whole within yourself. It’s a priceless feeling. Without having any kind of security I feel secure within myself.

My freedom is different than Uncle Rati’s freedom. I didn’t have a choice but to accept my past life. But I am excited and feel complete about my present time. It’s a great place to be and that is freedom to me and freedom is living!

Herrah Hussain

“My childhood was happy and full of laughter. Growing up my memories consist of my Mother and my Sister. I don’t have many memories with my Dad unfortunately. I grew up in an open-minded household. I had no issues asking my Mom anything. I most definitely grew up having full freedom. Freedom to me is expressing myself however I want, such as speaking my mind. I had full freedom about whatever and however I wanted to wear to how to eat and sit. Choosing to attend Loyola University in Chicago was not an easy choice, I had to pick between staying close to my home or moving to the city. But after reading more about the University I saw how many doors would open for me. I would have the freedom to do so much than I could ever imagine. I didn’t have to worry about my Mom saying no to my decision, she will support whatever decision I make. I most definitely believe I am living with full freedom. I have the freedom to choose my major, my friends, and to do what I want with my life. When I think about what my Mom was like when she was my age, I can’t imagine being in that position. I know I couldn’t marry at that young of an age to someone I don’t know very well. I am lucky to be born in The United States of America, where there are so many opportunities for me. I strongly believe freedom is living.”

Three different generations with three different lifestyles and different consequences but the same goal, FREEDOM! I believe every single human all over the world whether she or he is living in the village of Pakistan or living in an advanced country, it doesn’t matter. Everyone has the right to live free and to me freedom is living! Ask your self that, Are you living your life with freedom?