Take your power back

I have been thinking about this issue for the longest time and was also working on myself. As a young adult, of course I didn't understand, but as I started getting older and went through many different life experiences now I understand, pretty clearly how powerful we women are, but unfortunately many of us don’t even know and we give our own power to other person, and many of them abuse it and treat us how even they want to treat us. My beautiful readers, I am sure you got the idea I am talking about women’s power and their relationships with their significant others.

When I got married to my ex-husband, I was pretty young and didn’t even know my own self. It took me a while to find out who I am and what makes me happy and what I want. I have countless women around me who are miserable in their relationships because first of all they aren’t happy with themselves. They complain about him and are hopeful for a better future, but here is my observation: Of course the other person takes some responsibility, too, but right now my focus is only on women.

In the beginning of the relationship we women not all, but most of us don’t take our time, which means we rush into the things, get super excited, already thinking about the future and WE, NOT HIM, make ourselves believe he is the one for us. The one reason is most of us women are pretty emotional. We all know men think differently  than us even after knowing we still believe he is thinking like the way we think. We fool our own selves. It’s so important for us women to know that what we want. And if we aren’t happy with our own selves, then how can we make happy another person happy? We all wish for a healthy, happy and loving relationship, right? I love this quote, “The best project you’ll even work on is you”.

It’s extremely important for us women to find out ourselves first and also enjoy own company first and be comfortable being alone. We women are capable of taking care of countless things. And we feel pretty proud and confident. But then why are many of us women failing in the relationships? I think first of all we need to learn to be with ourselves first and not to worry about what others will think. It’s our life, and only we are responsible for our decisions. I know  many women around me are desperate for a man’s attraction. And I am sorry to say those ladies for sure get attention but not positive and also for a short time. Another issue I’m seeing is that the older women are getting they are afraid that they might not meet anyone, so some of them are willing to settle down with whoever and soon they realized it doesn't work like that.

And when we meet someone and we really like this person it’s great and all that, but we should still take time, keep it slow, getting to know each other pretty clearly, his likes and dislikes and also don’t drop everything for him. Finding a balance in life is the key for success. And having balance makes us in control, too. To my observation men like strong, powerful, balanced and understanding women. Here I’m not talking about young kids but adults relationships. And also remember if we are looking for a full package, so does he. Instead of focus on him, focus on oneself and see, do I have all doesn’t qualities, and please be honest with yourself.

If you ask any mature men, they all will say the samething. We women make rules and we are in control and in power. Do we all feel that? When I first started to meet men I was still in the  process of finding my own happiness. And of course I gave my own power to them and later I felt miserable but later when I fully I understand I feel pretty comfortable and in control. I know many women around me who are divorced with kids and are looking for a healthy and happy relationship, but sad to say they don’t want to work on themselves but kept blaming men. And later cry and beat themselves up for giving their power to the other person.

It’s never too late to learn about anything as long as we are willing to make changes and take own own control back. No body I mean nobody can make us feel bad or small about ourselves unless we give that permission to that person. From day one, if you see or feel something, don’t let it go because most of the time it gets worse. And many times it’s not too late, but need the extra work or energy required to make change. As a mother of two daughters, it’s my job to teach my girls how important and powerful they are. And don’t let any man treat them however they want but with respect, love and care.

Dear readers, especially women, I hope you get my point you are in power as and where you are. And that’s how we were born. Don’t give it to anyone, and don’t let anyone take it from you. Use it wisely and know you’re in control and responsible for your  own behavior and the choices you’re making it. Show confident and whatever you believe and say, mean it. Girl power!  

Never Say Never Ever

The long-distance relationship topic is something diffrent people feel differently about. Most people don’t believe it can work. And those people get questions when they find out someone is in a long distance relationship. I have many couples around me some met online, and some met through friends while they were visiting, then the other person has to go back to their own state or county. They felt chemistry toward each other or clicked and wanted to pursue a relationship. They kept their communication open and they met as much as possible, and before they knew it, they got married had kids and started living together here in the States.

According to the women's health magazine “We're one of the estimated 3.5 million married U.S. couples who live apart—a stat that reflects the rise of online dating (where it's easy to meet someone in a different area), an unreliable job market, and military deployments. And recently, Cornell University researchers confirmed my suspicion: Long-distance duos often communicate better and feel more connected than close-quarter couples. "They know they're at a disadvantage, so they put more time and effort into their relationship," says Tina Tessina, Ph.D. Here, tips that can help your partnership go the distance—even if you're never more than a few miles apart”. http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/long-distance-love. Honestly, I was in shock when I first read it. The number is pretty big. Long distance relationships are real and they do work out.

Here is the intersting story of my dear friend. My friend’s name is Zara. She was born in India and moved to the States as a bride when she was 20 years old. Today Zara is 45 years old. Zara’s ex-husband was also from India. At first everything was great; they have three kids together. But slowly he started losing interest in her. And 15 years later he asked for a divorce.  Zara was heartbroken and was forced to become a single parent. With time she started her life again, finished her education, got a really good currier and got involved with many other things she enjoy. She traveled all around the world. Zara become stronger then even. But one thing was for sure; she never ever wanted to meet or get married to another Indian man or ever moving back to India.The USA is her home.

After her children grew up, and she felt like it would be nice to have companionship  with the right person. four years ago, Zara decided to date. She met  many men from different nationalities. Many of them wanted to Marry Zara. She knew what she was look for, but unfortunately no one could touch her heart.  

She was getting frustrated but she wasn’t desperate at all. Zara has a lot going on, but the same time she wishes to share her life with a special person. All of her friends and family knew what kind of person/qualities Zara was looking for in the man.

This is what happened. Last year, one of her Indian friend name Neha told her about a man name Amir who she knew him personally; he is friends with her husband. And Neha lives in the States, and Neha and Zara have been friends forever. Neha  thought Amir would  be a perfect match for Zara, but as soon as  Neha told Zara about Amir, Zara said  no because he is from India, and he lives in India too. Nahe tried really had to convince her to give him a chance and then go from there. She said to her “why don’t you meet with him and then decide?” Also Neha told Zara “be open to it and you never know”. Naha  also told her not every Indian man was alike. Please give him a chance.

Last summer, Amir  was in the States visiting with his kids and was visiting Neha  and her family. Amir already knew about Zara from Neha and her husband. He was interested meeting her. Amir himself called Zara and asked her to meet. I don’t know what changed in her, but she agreed to meet with him but with the attitude “ it is just a meeting nothing else”  just because Amir was from India. He came to meet with her in her town. As soon as she saw him she couldn't believe how much attraction she felt  towards him not just physical, but also mental attraction. He liked her, too. And he asked her to meet again.  According to Zara, “It was magical”. The more Amir was telling Zara  about his life, the more Zara was getting attractive to him. According to Zara “ He is the one I have been waiting for”. He was honest and told her all about his divorce, past and his two kids. Amir  is a businessman and he told her the very first time they met, “ I was living away from India for last 10 years and now I moved back to India and am trying to establish my business again. He also made is very clear that whoever he is going to marry has to live in India with him for at least 5 years or more  because right now his business requires his time and full attention. Zara and Amir met a few more times, and then it was time for Amir to go  back to India. But they kept the communication open through technology.

It has been almost three months already, and they are both interested in each other and someday would like to marry, but before that there is a lot homework to do from both sides, but especially from  Zara’s side. A long time ago, Zara left India for good but now she met her dream boy, and he is from India and he can’t move to the States now but later, after five years. So Zara has to move to India. Can she go back after 25 years of living in the states independently? Will she be OK living away from her kids? There is a huge mentality cultural difference between both countries. Can Zara adopt that and live in India comfortably? Zara has to let go of her career and start all over again in India. She has a lot of things to figure out for herself. Amir, on the other hand, is also concerned will Zara be OK with this life-changing move.

Not too long ago I met Zara for lunch and I asked her,  “you never wanted to move back or get married to another Indian man. What changed?” She said, “Amir has all those qualities I always wanted in a man but we still have a long way to go and getting to know each other more”. They are both planning on meeting again soon and getting to each other on a daily basis. Zara also told me that, “It was my dream to meet someone like Amir and now since I met him I want to take a chance and don’t let any fears stop me. And if for some reason if it doesn’t work out,  it would be hard to accept, but with time I will. But at least I can always look back and say that I am one of those lucky woman you met her dream guy”. She added, “who would have thought he would be from India”? But now since I met him and this is the situation I am sure with time things will work out for both of us and for our kids. We are very open to each other and communicate about everything”.

After talking to Zara about Amir and knowing he is in an Indian and she is here in the States and they are having a long distance relationship, it made me trust more to  just follow your heart and you will find your way. A person like Zara who is very strong and independent, in a million years I will never ever thought she would be thinking about moving back to India for an Indian man. Amir must have something pretty special to have  conversed Zara to trust men again. I am very happy for her and wish both of them good luck.  

We all wish to have a happy and healthy relationship. We all know that there is no  perfect woman or man, so why do we focus on perfection and disappoint ourselves?  Instead of focusing on  the other person, we should focus on our own self and become the  of partner we wish to have. I believe both parties have to invest 100 percent according to have a healthy and a happy relationship. I wish we can all get back to “less is more” and instead of after fairytale concept to get real and share our love to someone special and also get love and respect back in return. Never say never ever. We never know when and how we will meet someone special and our life can change for good forever. Don’t be afraid of change. Yes, it can be scary or difficult, but often change or a difficult road leads to a  beautiful place.