Thirty days at a time

They say it takes about 30 days to break an old habit and to start a new one.  I took the challenge and succeeded and now I am hoping this will be a lifetime habit. As many of you know, I was a worrier and lived either in the past or look forward into the future. First, I didn’t  know how to live in the present, and even when I tried, I struggled. But I didn’t quit because it was and still is important for me.  

Pretty much all of my life I lived chasing securities. Before 2014 was about to end I was so tired of worrying about everything all the time and suddenly the light bulb went on, and  it made me realize whatever happened is in the past I can’t go back and change it. But I do know what is happening now and all I have is this present moment which is more powerful than yesterday and tomorrow. I learned from TKD and many self-improvement books say the same thing, don’t resist it. You need to accept it as you have chosen it. And that’s what I did the entire month of January 2015.

Before 2015 started I made this goal that the entire month the very first thing in the morning before I get off my bed, I took few minutes to myself and told myself no matter what I am going to have a good day today. And whatever happened, yesterday is gone. Today is a brand new day. I am proud to say I achieved my 30 day goal. Of course not everyday was a great day but I didn’t let anything bother me. I changed my attitude, too, and started looking at everything as nothing stays forever, and things could be worse, so instead of resisting or fighting, I accepted it. At first I thought it would be hard to think positively not every minute of the day but each day. But honestly it wasn’t. I felt lighter, happy, relaxed, and calm.

Different people have different habits, and they want to change it. Here I am telling you it’s possible to change any habit you choose to change or add. It may take time, but it’s possible. I am an optimistic person and I am a big believer that having a positive attitude plays a huge role in your life. And everything starts within yourself, as long as you are willing to change, YOU CAN DO IT! I hope my living in the present moment habit will stay with me for the rest of my life.

Eckhart Tolle said, “The past has no power over the present moment”  I wonder how many of us are still living in the past and missing the present moment while hoping for a better future. If we think about it deeply, how sad is that, even though you know there is absolutely nothing you can do about it?  What ever happened in the past is gone. There is nothing wrong hoping for a better future. But nobody knows what will happen in the future but we do know what’s happening now. We can see it, touch it and feel it. Don’t let your past destroy your present. You have the power to change it.

I recently chatted with a friend of mine. He is a great husband, father, and friend. But when I talked to him he told me “I am living in the past or into the future. I don’t know how to live in the present moment”. I am proud of him at least he knows and he is accepting it.    There was a long time I was living like him,  because the present moment was unpleasant,  and when I looked back at the past it seemed better than the present, and of course the future was unknown so I wanted to be in the future. I learned from my own life experiences and from the reading that the present moment is all we have. And that’s million-dollar truth. Accept it, feel it and you would be surprised to see how much enjoyment you’ll receive from it.

Have a happy living in the now!

College education for parents

I went to high school in Karachi, there is no comparison between high school here versus in Pakistan. It is very different. After 16 years since my  high school graduation I decided to go back to school and get my college degree.  I started from Parkland and once I was about to finish I realized I wanted to get more education so then I went to Eastern University and from there I got my four-year college degree.

When I started at Parkland, my daughters were in Junior high. I learned about school education at the same time as my girls. And when they started High school, I learned every student meets with their school counselor, and she or he helps them to design their four year high school class plan. Among many other things I also learned how important it is for students to be in AP classes and to learn a foreign language. Before graduation many high schools held college fairs so students could see all the colleges that were out there. I even took my girls to many out-of-state college tours so they could see which college they wanted to go. It was a great and fun experience and not just for my girls also for me.

Before the college semester begins, students meet with their college counselor,  just like in high school and he or she will help them to enroll in classes based on their major. The very first semester, my daughter signed up for an Arabic 101 class. When she told me that right away I said to her, “Arabic 101 would fulfill the language requirement, correct? Since you already took French in high school and the AP credits were accepted why do you have to take this?” She said, “Yes I know but my counselor told me I have to take a language for the requirement.”.

I said to myself this doesn’t make sense but no matter what I couldn’t call her counselor like I did in high school. I had to trust her but I still wasn’t satisfied. Half a semester went by, and one afternoon my daughter called me saying, “Mom, I am having a difficult time in Arabic and I want to drop it”. I told her to think it through and talk to her counselor. I wasn’t happy with what she was saying but I had to support her final decision. Lastly, I told her that quitters never win and winners never quit. I understood she was having a difficult time but this was her first semester, and she just needed to try her best. Of course she didn’t like what I said to her. Our conversation wasn’t going well, and we ended up not talking for a few days.  Later when I asked her what she decided, she said she had decided to stay in the class, and I left it like that. The semester was about to be over with finals approaching. Two days after her Arabic 101 final she called me and told me she received an A in the class. Of course I was so happy and proud of her.

My whole point of writing this experience is because many of us parents know about college stuff, such as applying for FAFSA, loans, applying for a dorm,  meal plans, and what classes your child should take. I feel blessed and lucky I understand how college stuff works because I went to college here in the States.

I salute those kids and their parents who are having to deal with this for the first time. It’s a huge and brave step. Those kids and their parents need more support and understanding than anyone. My hope is for either communities or high schools to provide some kind of college assistance for the parents so they can have a better understanding of what their child is getting into it.. When kids go to college they are young, excited, nervous and need lots of support from their family and their college. But how family can provide support if they don’t even understand what are they supporting?  I hope my point is clean, and our next generation parents won’t suffer as much as us old parents are going through.

Happy Valentine's!

What is Valentine’s day? “ St. Valentine's Day began as a liturgical celebration one or more early Christian saints named Valentinus. Several martyrdom stories were invented for the various Valentines that belonged to February 14, and added to later martyrologies.[2] A popular hagiographical account of Saint Valentine of Rome states that he was imprisoned for performing weddings for soldiers who were forbidden to marry and for ministering to Christians, who were persecuted under the Roman Empire. According to legend, during his imprisonment, he healed the daughter of his jailer, Asterius Valentine's day. An embellishment to this story states that before his execution he wrote her a letter signed "Your Valentine" as a farewell.”    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentine%27s_Day.

I think Valentine's day is a beautiful romantic day, America has adopted it, and now it has become a part of the American culture. And it’s not only in the States but also making it’s roots all around the world.

In America we celebrate by giving cards, flowers, chocolates and presents such as jewelry to our spouse or partner. Many people even arrange romantic dinners in restaurants or in hotels. And the most common symbol of Valentine's Day is the heart, particularly in red and pink. Here is my observation about Valentine's day in the States: Over the years it has become for companies a huge business day. Anything associated with valentine's day they make the most money out of it. In my opinion Valentine's day has lost it’s true meaning, which is to celebrate love.

I don’t see anything wrong with having a day once a year to call Valentine's day. But I do see an issue with not all but many couples who don’t treat their partner with love throughout the year. Whether you are a man or a woman you should be nice and love each other always. I am not materialistic and I guess that’s why it bothers me when I see people buying things to make others happy. And we all know companies take full advantage of that. Yes, it is true that things do make some of us happy but only for a very short time. But the feeling you provide to your love partner will stays with her or him always.

A lot of partners get excited about Valentine's day but at the same time many partner’s heart get broken that day. I wonder how many of us know that valentine's day is one of the top breakup days in the States. “The covers of glossy magazines and the good folks at Hallmark believe that, come Valentine's Day, we get all hot and bothered about romance and relationships. But it seems an increasing number of couples are using the holiday as a springboard to evaluate their love lives. And instead of making up or making out, some couples are breaking up and moving out. A new Yahoo! survey found that between the December holidays and Valentine's Day, people are more than twice as likely to consider breaking up than any other time of the year. Some daters just don't want to fake the romance any longer”. http://abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=2863607. Normally when we hear about Valentine's day we don’t think about it being a  break up day, right? But for some people it is. Have a great Valentine's day every single day of the year!