Single Woman Reality

I have been single for the last ten years. When I first became single everything was hard, overwhelming and new. But with time and struggles I started learning how to survive in this unfit society. Along with many other things, I noticed, not all but many men treated single women differently.  At first I didn’t understand why, all I knew was it made me uncomfortable. As a positive person I was thought to myself, I am still the same person so I tried not to look too deeply into it. I tried to think it was nothing but it soon became very obvious to me when my girls and I went to Chicago to visit an old friend. We had a good time but when my friend went to the kitchen to get something, her husband said to me, “Last night you were in my dream”. 

Unfortunately that was not my last time going through that kind of experience, even married men hit on me. When I was married I noticed people were respectful towards me but since my divorce many of them don’t respect me the same way. Many people have no idea how much single women struggle, trying to make it each day, and living with their kids with her head up with her pride. For many men, single women become their entertainment and they think it’s perfectly acceptable to flirt with her.  Only my girls and I know how we have been living on our own and how we have made it this far.

Once my girls graduated and moved to their University I honestly thought things would be different now. But I was wrong. In my experience many men think now that her kids are gone it’s an even better opportunity to flirt and say anything they would like to her. And I am not OK with that at all. Here is my most recent experience. A few years ago a family moved from overseas, they seemed nice and friendly. Everyone started getting to know them and I also welcomed them, introduced myself and started getting to know them.  A month ago, I invited some people to my house for a get together and I sent the invitation to them as well. Husband texted me and told me his wife was out of state visiting family but would come with the kids. The same night I got another text from him, “Are you up for a drink after the kids go to sleep” I was kind of surprised and didn’t like his text at all because we aren't that kind of friends. My daughter was home so I told him I was busy with her, hoping he would get the point but he didn’t. A few days later I got his text again, “Hi, how are you? Still with the girls? I hope you are enjoying them :-) I'm still wifeless ;-)” I ignored his text thinking he might get the message but like last time he did not, another text came “Everything is fine. I was just flirting with you. Sorry if you think is inappropriate”. He admitted it and I think he got the point that it was wrong. But instead of assuming I decided to let him know he was wrong. I replied, “Oh My Gosh. Yes it is an appropriate. Your wife is out of town and you’re flirting with me. Next time please be careful”. His replied, “I will. You are too nice and fun to avoid the flirting. I'm sorry and yes, I will be careful”. 

            I am sure I am not the only woman feeling this way but I want those men who think it’s okay to hit on single women to know that it’s very disrespecting to other women. We aren't pieces of meat for your entertainment; we have feelings so please show some respect. How would you feel if other men acted inappropriately towards your mother, sister, wife, or to your daughters? And all the dirty men out there just because you don’t respect yourself that gives you no right to treat women disrespectfully.  

A Good Man!

It has been almost 20 years or more, when I first met my ex-husband’s friend and his family. His name is Ahson Rafi and he also happens to be Pakistani. I call him Ahson bhai because Bhai means big brother. Ahson bhai and my ex-husband were working for the same company but in different states.  He was living in Minnesota and we were in Illinois. He invited us to his home and that’s when I met his wife, kids and his mother. There was something about all of us, we all clicked with each in no time except his wife. She wasn’t mean or anything but wasn’t that friendly. We visited each other’s home many times and became like family. We all had a great time and felt like we had known each other for a long time. When I had my 2^nd daughter Ahson bhai named her.

            After I got divorced, I completely lost contact with them because it was through with my ex-husband. I thought about them many times and wished we were still in contact but years just went by. Two weekends ago, I went to Bloomington to pickup my daughter from her Dad’s place. On my way my daughter called me and said, “Mom, I don’t know if you remember one of Dad’s old friend or not but I think you do. He is here visiting”. I asked her his name and was very surprised to hear his name. Without thinking about how he feels about me, especially because of the divorce, I asked my daughter to go tell him I am on my way to pick you up and if it’s okay with him I would like to say hello to him.

            Once I arrived, before I came out from the car he came outside and the amount of respect he showed towards me is indescribable. I was very happy to see him as well. He told me 7 years ago he got divorced but last year he got re-married. I was so happy for him. He is a very nice, caring, loving man. Then he told me he doesn’t live in Minnesota anymore and is now living in Bloomington, Illinois. 

            I was surprised. He told me he became the Director of Operations and we wanted to talk more but time was limited. He invited us to have lunch with him. Two days later my daughter and I went to Olive garden in Champaign, we met around 12:30 PM and talked until 3:30 PM. He is like my big brother but also my friend. We both felt like we had a lot to catch up and had a great talk. He told his mother about me and she was also very happy. Two days later I called his mother and we picked it up where we left it 20 years ago. It was really nice talking to her, she is like my own mother and I have so much respect for her.  She even said to me, “I thought of you many times and God wanted us to reunite again and we did.” She invited me to her home and soon my plan is to go and visit her.

            My point of writing this story is that some people leave a big mark on our heart; they are very special people and truly care for friendship. There is a lot to say about Ahson bhai but if I make it short, I have seen him finding a balance between, family and work and the way he did it only he knows. He raised his three boys pretty much on his own, he tried to save his marriage but at some point he learned to let it go. The way he has been taking care of his mother, I don’t know if any other man can do that. He is very respectful and obedient toward her. He has received many opportunities to promote to a higher position but due to his family responsibilities he has rejected them. He never put his work or money first but rather his family. He told me it was his Mother’s blessing to get married again and take this Director of Operation for Olive Garden position. Finding a balance is very important in life and that’s the only way we can succeed. Ahson bhai seems very happy and satisfied. I also talked to a few employees at Olive garden and they told me he is a great boss.  He is humble, funny and very caring. When we had lunch I noticed he didn’t talk to me about his job but about his family. I wish him all the happiness in the world!

            I feel blessed and very lucky to have a friend like Ahson bhai and his family. Since I am not his friend’s wife anymore he didn’t have to talk to me at all. But he still gave me the same respect he showed me before. I really respect that. And respect is something that means a lot to me. I wish him all the best and hope from now our friendship will grow more.

Small town girl in the same room as Hillary Clinton

             I can still close my eyes and picture when my oldest daughter walked into my bedroom, sat on my bed and asked me to stop whatever I was doing and sit down with her and said, “I have good news and bad news to tell you.”

            My oldest daughter’s name is Iman Hussain. She was 5 years old when we moved to Mahomet. This was our very first time living in a small-town. The only reason we picked this town was because of the school district’s reputation. Throughout the whole school years she did not have any problems. Her teachers loved her and she was a very good student. When she began high school it was time for us to start thinking about colleges. Since she is my oldest this was my first experience. But knowing that Parkland College and the University of Illinois are so near I thought I didn’t have to worry too much because Iman would pick from one of these colleges. But I was wrong. 

            Something about Iman I noticed since she was a child was she is a very fast learner. She has very high expectations from herself and likes to make her own path. She is humble, very confident and always has a plan for the future. She did apply to the University of Illinois and got in. Of course I was over joyed and thought she would go there and she wouldn’t be too far from home. But I remember her saying to me, “Mom you know I have applied to many other universities as well and I am waiting for their reply but I want to tell you I don’t want to go to the U of I.” Iman wanted to move away from the small town and see the world.

            It was around 10:00 pm and I was getting ready for bed when Iman walked into my room and said, “Mom can you sit down. I have good news and bad news to tell you” My heart dropped and I stopped everything and sat down. She said, “The bad news is, I just saw an email Brown University sent to me and I didn’t get in”. I looked at her and said, “It’s okay”. She continued, “but I got into UCLA”. I looked at her and said, “Where is UCLA?” She said, “The University of California Los Angeles”. Honestly I was in shock and said, “UCLA… the famous UCLA?”. She said, “Yes mom, there is only one UCLA!”. I was super happy and proud, we both cried with joy. I looked at her again and said, “But Iman California is far and out of state, we can’t afford that. How can you move that far?”  As a mother I didn’t want her to move that far away from me so I told her no, UCLA is too far, how could she move into a big university from a small town? I was afraid for her. But Iman made me believe this is what she wanted to do and convinced me she could do it. When I saw the confidence in her, she made me believe she was 200% sure about it. I said to her if going to UCLA is your wish and that important for you then we can do this together. From there everything fell into place and before we knew it she became an official student at UCLA.

Iman is having all kinds of great experiences from seeing movie stars to traveling different places but her most recent experience will stay with her for the rest of her life. A month ago, she received an e-mail that Hillary Clinton would be coming to UCLA on March 5 2014 to give a lecture. Iman was one of the lucky that got a ticket and sat in the same room as Hillary Clinton. I wonder how many kids get a chance like this. Only 2 years ago, she graduated from High school who would have thought her decision to go to UCLA would give her all kinds of life time experiences. I raised Iman and I know all of her great qualities but I always believed in this quote, “It takes a village to raise a child”. Iman wouldn’t be where she is today if not for all her supporters. Thank you to all of you who have helped me to raise her.