A good attitude gives good results

Here comes the New Year with the New Year resolutions. The most popular resolution in the States is losing weight, especially for women. It’s no secret that the United States is at the top in obesity in the world. But the interesting thing is that at the same time, the United States is obsessed with being skinny.  

This article isn’t about how to lose weight. I am not interested in that at all. I am with you. I am also tired of seeing and hearing about how to lose weight. Instead of that, my focus is on how a good attitude gives good results, and that’s what I want to write about. The past is in the past and the brand-new year is right in front of us. Let's start with a good attitude so we can all start seeing good results. I am not a doctor or a therapist, but I have lots of life experience with many different things in life, and that’s what I am interested in writing about.

First of all, we know we are all different. Our genes are different, and because of our genes, everyone's mind and body works differently compared to others'. That’s not a bad thing. It’s actually a good thing because that makes each of us unique. I have five sisters raised by the same parents, but all of us are very different in everything from our looks to our way of thinking.

The very first things I would like to say is that it’s very important to accept who we are, our gender, age, surroundings, social status, and even where we live geographically. Acceptance is the most basic but a very powerful tool for a successful life. Please stop resisting whatever it is that’s bothering you and try your best to overcome it. We can all wish for a different body type or a different environment or a  higher paying job or to live in a totally different place. But that’s all an illusion. The reality is and always will be that we can’t change who we are, so acceptance is for our own benefit. We have to accept who we are and where we are in life. Before I go deeper, I would like to make a few things clear. One is that what might work for me may not work for you or vice versa. And some of us need more help than others. And we aren’t all motivated, and some people’s  willpower isn’t as strong as others'.

Now I would like to share something personal. Fourteen years ago, when I was going through a divorce, I was a complete mess. I didn’t want a divorce/change even though I was unhappy, but I was comfortable where I was. So I started  resisting, and I was in a complete denial for a long time. My emotions were all over the place. Many caring people asked me to go see a doctor. And I listened to them. The very first thing my doctor wanted me to do was to start taking anti-depression medication. I took her advice, and I started feeling a little bit normal (whatever normal means). But since I was journaling, one day I said to myself, “Wait a minute. Why am I numbing my body and my brain with chemicals? I am human, and I am supposed to feel the emotions I am feeling." Something also told me that if I let my brain  and my body be numb with the chemicals and didn't feel emotion/pain then, at some point in my life, I would have to deal with it. And that could be 10, 20 years down the road. I decided not to take the medication and deal with the emotions at that time rather than later.

It wasn’t as easy as it sounds. I struggled for a long time, but I knew that I was doing the right thing.  I am not against Western medication at all. Some people definitely need it. But I also believe that  there are many other ways we can learn how to control our brain chemicals. Here are a few examples: eating the right food, laughter, being positive, being around positive people, being thankful, not comparing oneself with others, realizing that less is more, continuing to try, living in the power of now, listening with full attention, helping others, not playing the victim, not passing judgement at all, and any kind of exercise whether it’s martial arts, yoga, Tai Chi, or simply walking.   

The reason I shared my personal story with you is that that was my first time dealing with something I didn’t want and was forced to accept, but at the same time, that was also my first time getting to know myself and finding out my weaknesses and my strengths. And I allowed myself to feel all the emoticons I was feeling, and that’s how I also learned how strong I am. Until then I didn’t know that.

There was a time when technology wasn’t common for an ordinary person. But now that is not the case. The entire universe of information is in our hands, our smart phones. Now, it's up to us how we decide to live our life. Before you make your New Year resolutions, take your time, think carefully, and please make realistic goals. Whatever your resolution is, believe in yourself, believe that you can achieve it. If one of your goals is to lose weight, please DO NOT focus on losing weight. We humans are very interesting creatures. We are attracted to what we can’t have. So shift your focus from losing weight to being happy and healthy.

I want to add another thing here that is very important: that is to eat the right food. I am privileged to have been born in Pakistan. Pakistani cuisine is known for its spices. The spices benefit health and prevent many illnesses. Now these days it’s not hard to find any kind of food from any country near our home, so you can try it. If you don’t know how, please google Pakistani recipes or ask around. The health benefits go a long way. This is how I look at it: When I eat the right food, that shows that I respect my body and I also care about my health. And also that I am important for myself. Not everyone has perfect health, but whatever health issue you have, learn about it and see how you can overcome it instead of letting the issue become your identity.

I remember when I was growing up having a stomach ache all the time. When I was around twelve years old, I was admitted to the hospital for a week for having a really bad stomach ache. What I remember is that the doctor told my mother that “your daughter is very sensitive and she takes everything seriously and her pain is caused by an ulcer.” And he also told my mom that this was something I would have to deal with for the rest of my life. I don’t know if he was right or wrong, but I sure remember having a stomach ache all the time. But as I started growing up and started learning about healthy food habits and a healthy lifestyle, I took a 180-degree turn. Now, I don’t even remember the last time I had a stomache. There are so many simple and easy ways to avoid pain and be healthy. I changed my diet. And I work out. On both my parents’ side we have high blood pressure, diabetes, and heart problems. I am about to turn 45 years old, and I have perfect health. Last year, when I had my physical, my doctor said to me, “You don’t need to take vitamins since you are getting all the vitamins you need from your diet.”  

It doesn’t matter at all what your age is, either. It’s about having a healthy lifestyle, following your passion, wanting to move, or whatever it is that matters to you. Start taking  care of yourself now. And take full responsibility for your choices and stop making excuses. Time is passing by, and each year we aren’t getting younger but older. Don’t waste another year and still be standing in the same place as you are today in 2017. You aren’t fooling anyone but yourself. Everything starts on the inside. Once we fix the inside, the outside will automatically fall into place. Remember: A good attitude gives good results!

Are we moving forward or backward?

There was no Pakistan before 1947. Pakistan was part of India. After a very long religious struggle from both sides, Hindu and Muslim leaders both decided to give a birth to Pakistan, a Muslim country where Muslims can live with full religious freedom and Hindus can have freedom in India. There was no pressure on anyone which country to live. You can read more about it here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Independence_Day_(Pakistan)  

I believe my Ami was under 10 years old when her and her entire family migrated from India to Pakistan for the religious freedom. Growing up, I have heard horrible sad stories of inhumanities in the name of religion. Since Pakistan was born from India, Pakistan share the same culture, languages and even of courses, Pakistanis and Indians all look alike.

  I am the first generation of Pakistan. Growing up in Karachi, Pakistan, I heard and experienced how much hatred Pakistanis had toward Indians. And I have heard Indians also feel same way about Pakistanis. It was or may be still just about the religion, but then it becomes more strong hatred toward each other about everything, such as food, sports and making friends. Here is an example: I remember very clearly every time we were having cricket matches; of course Pakistan and India are both countries that are big into cricket matches. We pakistanis would rather lose to other countries but couldn’t afford to lose from India. It was and I know it’s still about ego. I remember so clearly it wasn’t just men watching the cricket matches; women and kids also sat down as a family and watched it together at home and prayed really hard not to lose against India. And when Pakistan lost the game, it was like someone had died. You could see the strong hatred so openly and clearly. This is just a one example of hatred.

As I started growing up, I never liked the feeling to hatred toward other human being who I haven’t even met. When I had my own kids I decided to break the circle, and I didn’t let my girls to divide people based on their skin color, nationality or religions beliefs. I believe we parents aren’t just raising a child; we are raising a future generation.

Without going into the polities and seeing right now what’s happening all around the country, it took me back to the past, hatred toward India. It’s making me think, are we mowing forward or mowing backward? We are all human and God made all of us. I believe we should judge a person based on her or his character, not based on her or his skin color, gender, status and nationality. Please be very careful about the attitude and the words we use around our kids toward other persons. Our words are very powerful; use it wisely.

"I have decided to stick with love…Hate is too great a burden to bear.". ~ Dr. Martin Luther King

Taking my 2016 inventory

Is it just me or time is flying by. It seemed like we just started 2016 but we are already into end of 2016. As you know, I like to do my whole year inventory. I like to see did I grow, made progress and where am I heading from here.

January: One of our very close family member passed away. That was a shock.

And I started teaching tae kwon do.

February: My birth month. The moment my entire family has been waiting for since 2004, we received my sisters immigration letters. It says now it’s time for their turn, start collection all the legal documents.

March: March was a smooth month.

April: We had a addition to our family. My niece gave birth to a baby boy name Nooh Ahmed in Canada. He sure fulfilled our Ami’s absence.

May: Mother’s day!

June: This was my very first time I went to Los Angeles. The words can’t describe how proud we parents feel when we see our kids graduating from the college. My oldest daughter, Iman, made me extra proud of her.

July! In July right before Iman was supposed to come back home she got a decent job at her university. Blessings.

August: My youngest daughter, Herrah, turned 21 years old. It was a huge deal to me and to my family because last year she got pretty ill. She didn’t quit because she is a fighter and she came out more mature and stronger then ever. Also she found out that she got an internship in Washington D.C. And moved to D.C for the entire semester.

September: I met people from Brazil. And we become friends.Their positive energy, attitude, humbleness and gratitude helps me become better human being.

October: D.C is one of my favorite city in the States. I went to see Herrah in D.C. It was great to see her and her life there. She was blossoming.

November: The most important month of the year! Thanksgiving! I was thankful for every single small and big things and people, friends and family around me. Also since February I have been working on my sister's immigration papers. Finally I got a letter from National visa center saying “Your sisters’ files are completed”. It meant we didn’t need anymore documents from me. At this point we are waiting for their interview letters. The words can’t describe how relieve I was.

December: Both of my girls are home, and we spending holidays and starting our New Year together.

I glimpsed big events around for each month. And I combined 365 days into one or two  pages. There was many days from almost each month of the year it seemed like never end and there was days I didn’t wanted to ended. But the bottom line is that’s life. Until the end we will have good and bad days. And it’s up to us, which days and how long we want to stare at. What’s done is done; we can’t go back and change but we can learn from it and make better choices for the future. And also mowing forward it a better choice then stuck in the past.

Let me take all of the labels off of me and tell you how was my year: As I promised to myself beginning of the 2016 I will not check my weight but to focus on healthy lifestyle I am proud to say I am into healthy eating and working out people’s categories. Also I created my entire surrounding with healthy, positive, caring, uplifting and good truly caring people. I feel blessed to have a job, beautiful coworkers, friends, family, health and the most important thing my healthy mind, soul and the caring heart.  

Over all my 2016 was a good year. And I hope you also had a good year, and let's hope that 2017 will be also a good year for you and your family!