Happy 2015

Ready or not, once again 2014 is leaving us, and let's welcome 2015. But before, I always like to peek a look into the past year and do my whole year inventory. Just like many other people, I also make New Year's resolutions. And I try to make all of them realistic goals as much as possible. In the beginning of 2014 I made some resolutions and today when I am looking back, I am proud to say although I haven’t reached all of them, I reached 80 percent and that’s a huge thing for me.

2014 was not a very happy year for me. I lost someone very close to me and saw her struggle a lot. I traveled to Pakistan and California. My trip to Pakistan wasn't easy at all. After I came back I found myself without focus. I was completely lost and didn't know where to start. 2014 was one of those years that left a huge mark on my soul. I know everything is a part of life and that’s why I learned to bounce back quickly. I am a very positive person and try to look at things as the glass is always half full.

Yes, 2014 was a very hard year but good things happened, too. I finally learned to let go of my past, and that made me lighter. My Ami’s death brought my sisters and family more closer. I used to worry all the time, and I learned worrying doesn't do anything but makes us look older. The only things we have is today, so why worry about tomorrow? Tomorrow may never come. My girls had a great college year and they are on the right track. And that makes me so proud and happy. My faith became stronger, and I learned to give all of my worries and issues to God. For the longest time I wanted to become a healthy eater. It was a struggle for me because I absolutely love sweets and I didn't know when to say no more. I learned self-control and start eating with moderation. My Ami’s sickness and death made me change my perspective about many things in life. Absolutely nothing matters if you don’t have good health. And nothings stays with you but how others makes you feel. That feeling you can take anywhere you go.

Right now if you ask me if am I excited about 2015,  if I am honest with myself my answer is yes, I am excited for the unknown. I am hopeful will be a great year, not just for my family also for lots of families who also had a hard 2014. Once again I am making my New Year resolutions, but this year my goal is not to limit myself about anything and to trust in myself even if I fail I shouldn't be discouraged but be proud that at least I tried.

If you have reached all of your 2014 resolutions, congratulations to you and be super proud of yourself. And if you are someone who couldn't reach your resolutions and are looking at yourself thinking you are at the same place as 2014, don’t do that to yourself. It’s never too late to start anything; all you need to do is trust yourself and believe you can do it. Don’t let another year go by and then be disappointed with yourself again. And remember you aren't racing with anyone. Take control of your life and do what feels best and right for you.

I hope, pray and wish for all of you wonderful people out there to have a great year ahead of you. I hope all over the world humans learn to love each other and don’t judge each other based on skin color and to be respectful towards each other.

I wish you all a very Happy New Year!

How do you know if you've met the one?

Not long ago my friend and I were having a conversation during dinner and she was telling me the guy she was seeing. She seemed pretty happy to me and she liked everything about him and believed he also feel the same way about her. But she asked me, “how do you know if they’re the one for you?

Her question made me think. At what point do people say their significant other is the one. Yet, with so many people getting married under the impression that they’ve in fact met the one, the divorce rate is incredibly high in the US. She told me they met each other 9 years ago and the chemistry has been strong from day one. They have both been married before and have kids. When she first met him she had recently been divorced and wasn’t even thinking about another romantic relationship. After meeting he tried to tell her that he had feelings for her, but she wasn’t looking for that kind of relationship. He respected her decision and they became good friends.

She also found him attractive from the beginning, not just physically, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually. However, she didn't want to take the risk in case he was not the one for her. In addition, she wanted her focus to be only on her kids. Over time she realized, now that I have raised my kids, living alone can be lonely. I want to be someone who also wants to be with me.  He was and still feels very strongly towards her, it didn’t take long for them both to become closer to each other.

         I have heard this question about “the one” from many people.

 My first marriage was arranged, but here in America people choose who they want to be with. I am not a relationship expert, but when my friend asked me that question, I didn’t have an answer for her.  Since I haven’t experienced it myself, I told her that she would know when the time was right.

Honestly my own answer didn’t satisfy me. Perhaps when the first marriage fails, people become more protective and want to make sure they aren’t making the same mistake they did the first time. I understand that but isn’t life a little like gambling? You have to take a risk, otherwise you’ll never know.  

Should we be overanalyzing and overprotective before we are 100% they are our soul mates? We can’t predict the future, to me it comes down to each person in the relationship nothing else really matters.

I have heard people even say that both parties should be on the same page to move forward in their lives together. I understand that, but every situation is different. Two people can care deeply about each other but their at different points in their lives. Some couples dates for many years but as soon as they get married they can’t live together and get divorced. What changes?

Beauty, attraction, status are great but the actual person isn’t made up of all of that. We should try to look at the person closely apart from everything else, maybe then our choices and feelings will be made clear. In my opinion, both people should feel complete and happy within themselves first. If you aren’t happy with yourself, you can’t make another person happy. It’s absolutely impossible.

The uniqueness of people is that we don’t all want the same things. For me true love is putting the other person’s desires and needs first. We find different qualities and characteristics more or less attractive, but underneath it all everyone wants to feel happy and loved. 

Looking for meaning in life

I guess at some point of our life if not all, many of us ask this question to ourselves: what’s the purpose of my life? Recently I have been asking this question to myself. I get positive and negative answers. Some days it seems like my purpose of life is to work and keep paying bills and some days it seems like, why was I the very first person to move to the USA. Maybe the purpose of my life is to be a mother to my girls and support my family so they can all have a better life. I get lots of positive and negative answers. I guess I am asking how would you know what’s the purpose of your life? I still haven’t found the right answer or discovered if  there is a right answer.

I am always been a thinker and my thinking helps me to think outside of the box, helps me to understand others, situations and many times understand my own self. Recently I had a dinner with my psychologist friend and we had a really nice chat. I asked him,  “Do you know the purpose of your life?” He looked at me and said, “That’s a million dollar question, and yes, I do. We all have to find our own answer. And it’s different for everyone”.

        When we were kids, we wanted to grow up as soon as possible and envied adults and thought their lives seemed very easy. They don’t have to ask anything to anyone. They can do anything they want to do. But once we grew up, we realized being an adult is not as fun as we thought. Being an adult comes with lots of responsibilities. And in reality we can’t go back to being a child.

My life has been divided into three parts. First part from birth to eighteen years in Karachi and second from 18 years to 30 until I was married. And then at the age of 30 as a divorced and a single parent until now in the States. The first 18 years of my life was without choice. I was trying to make it each day all while being hopeful for the future. I was focused and wanted to have a safe and secure future.  I didn’t want to move to the States but I didn’t have a choice. So I had to let go of my 18 years of life and start a brand new life around new people, language, culture and with lots of unknowns and no securities. I thought since I was married and had kids that that was my security and identity. But I was wrong. Then unexpectedly I got divorced and found myself as a single mother without any security.

        When I was living in Karachi, even though I was pretty young, I cared about my family and wanted to strongly support my sisters and my mother. After I moved to the States I felt completely lost and didn’t know where to start. So I followed my ex-husband. I didn’t have my own identity except as a wife and a mother. Once when I found myself divorced first I went into complete denial and shock. But for my girls I put myself together and put on the mother hat and started finding my own identity.

        Now when I look back I ask this question to myself, what was the purpose of my life then and even now? Is the purpose of my life to be a caretaker? When I think about it I don’t get a satisfactory answer, because I am more than a wife, daughter, sister and even a mother. I look at it as those were and are a part of my identity, of who I am but those relationships don’t define me as who I am.

        I am a woman who cares about others deeply. I am honest, trustworthy, beautiful, educated, loyal, a giver, understanding, respectful, mother, sister, daughter and a friend. I am a dreamer and full of hope. I trust God and believe God loves all of us equally. I have lots of dreams and I am proud of myself how far I have come under hard circumstances. But I am still searching for an answer, what’s the purpose of my life? Do you know what’s the purpose of yours?