Life is beautiful!: December 2013

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Happy New Year

Happy 2014!

This is it! Ready or not 2013 is leaving and 2014 is entering into our lives. The beginning of the New Year is a beautiful time of the year. Our holiday spirit is high and people are excited and looking forward to the New Year, resolutions and more. But before we start our New Year I always like to look back at the previous year and do an inventory of what happened.

For my family 2013 was a bittersweet year. My youngest daughter turned 18 this year, graduated from high school and moved to Chicago for her university. Her leaving made my home empty. This was a change for all three of us but we made sure to stay connected with each other on a daily basis. We were still very much involved in each other’s lives although I am still going through this process of change.

We didn’t plan to travel anywhere due to more important things such as college and other things. But life doesn’t always go with our plans. Three weeks before my youngest daughter graduated I find out my mother had a stroke and she was in coma for 3 days. When I heard the news I couldn’t think of anything else but to go and visit her. My girls also wanted to go and visit their grandmother. There had been no plan before to go anywhere over the summer but for the summer of 2013 my girls and I went to Karachi and spent the time with family. It was a very painful and stressful visit but we all gained a lot. I am a planner and I think before taking any kind of step especially before going to Pakistan. But this time I felt like there was no planning but family always comes first. As young adults my girls got the chance to see how other people are also living around the world. And how their attitude is towards living without electricity, iPhones and living in more then 100 degree temperature without air-conditioning. Things that we take granted for. This trip brought the whole family closer to each other and made me think more about how important family is. Since we all came back in early July not a day goes by that we don’t think about or talk to family back home. My mother’s sickness took a huge toll on the entire family. We all feel blessed that she is still around us. There were many times we all felt helpless and hopeless but we tried our best.

In 2013 I reached my goal and both of my girls graduated with honors but after they both moved out I felt empty and lost. My whole life was in front of me. At first I didn’t understand the feelings I had but I had to deep dig and realize that I have never lived by myself. I am used to taking care of others. I never put myself first and now what am I supposed to do with this free time? What is it that makes me happy? I had to do a lot of soul searching. Due to my mother being sick I worried a lot as well and it affected my health. I felt depressed and overwhelmed a lot but I kept moving on and I am glad I made it to the end of 2013.

We all know that financially and in many other ways, this was another very stressful hard year for many Americans. A lot of bad things happened to lots of people and to our schools and many of us feel lucky to survive through tornadoes and other unfortunate events around us. When I talked to many people and asked how their 2013 was and sadly not many people had a great year. I hope 2014 will be a better year for all of us. For whatever reason if you couldn’t reach your goal don’t be discouraged. We can’t go back into our past but we can always start from where we are and reach our goals in 2014. No matter how your year was good or bad, think positive and hope for the best. Focus on what you have not what you don’t. We are still blessed and lucky to have lots of people who love and care for us! Life is beautiful! I wish you all very Happy 2014 New Year!

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Boston Bombing

When I heard the news about the Boston bombing, the question came in to my mind like many others did, why? A marathon is such a beautiful thing. This is a first year I did my 5k and the achievement feeling was indescribable. I can’t ever imagine how the people who have been running for many years feel each year. And for many, this was their first marathon. So why would people do such a horrible thing? What do they get out of it?

According to our media, the bombers were young brothers who happened to be from Chechnya and were Muslims. I don’t care where they are from or what religion they belong to. It was an inhumanly act and they are fully responsible for it. How dare they kill people and injure many. There is no excuse for them. I feel horrible for the ones who have lost their lives and for the runners and also for their families. Those poor innocent people had nothing to do with their personal issues. I am sad to say I feel like we aren’t safe anywhere. Now we never know anything can happen to anybody and anywhere. And that’s not the way should be. What happened to our freedom?

We all have been watching in the news about the Middle east, bombings everyday has become normal to them. Even in my country Pakistan; bombings, killings, and strikes are so common people have become used to it. I hope the United States never gets to that place where humans become so cheap and have no values. I hope this was the last time and we all will live free and don’t have to think twice before we step outside our doors.

I am not a religious person but I do believe in God. And I believe nobody has the right to take another humans life except God. This is the United States of America. All over the world people come to this country for freedom or for better lives. I wish and I am praying this kind of act never happens again to this county and we all live safe and free lives.

Power of positive energy

Have you noticed how people from different places have different energies and different atmospheres? Some places you go make you want to stay this is the same with people, some people attract you and therefore you spend more time with them. The reverse is true as well. You meet with these people and have no desire to see them again. Everything has energy, it isn’t spiritual or scientific. It’s an innate thing within all of us, it’s a gut feeling that we receive from places and people. Positive people and places draw us back in, when we return to those places or people it’s just as fun and welcoming as it was before.

I am a big believer in energy and I have my own personal positive and negative experiences about places and people. Ever since I moved to the U.S returning back home to Pakistan has always been a peculiar experience for me. Don’t forget that experiences are different for everyone, so someone’s negative experience may also be another’s positive one. As soon as I got off the airplane in Karachi and touched down in Pakistan, I felt negative energy all over me. It was like a cloud overwhelming me. Even though I was going home and looking forward to meeting with my family, part of me wanting to turn around and come back to America.

It’s sad to say but every time that I have gone, I have felt the same negative energy. The last time I returned I took my daughters with me. I was worried and nervous the whole time and counting the days until we came back. When we were coming back to the U.S we had a layover at Heathrow, and because of the positive feeling I had there I felt perfectly comfortable letting my daughters walk around. I couldn’t do that in Karachi.

We all know that negative energy is powerful. You don’t realize it but it takes over you in no time and you get pulled in. When we are young we don’t understand these kinds of things, but with age and experiences we start to understand more and more. Negative people are everywhere; they are in our families, neighborhood, and work places. In some cases we can’t avoid them. But I have learned that although negative energy is strong, positive energy is stronger and contagious. It’s not easy to think positive all the time but it has the power to change our outlook, and to change the negative into the positive. It is happy, relaxing, contagious, hopeful, confidence, and good for our soul and body, “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it” (Charles Swindoll).

I have always been a positive person but there are some days where it’s hard to be positive all the time. But that’s when I notice how quickly the negative takes over. Even the people around me; my daughters, co-workers and family can all feel my negative energy. I normally bounce back pretty quickly, but as most people can attest, it isn’t the easiest. Your energy affects how others feel too, if you are feeling good and positive that will rub off on others as well. So why not try to look at things as if, “The glass is always half full”.

Not all, but lots of people have negative thinking and want others to feel sorry for them and pity them. Those people are generally unhappy, and always have that perspective. They may constantly be complaining and making things about their lives not others. Those kinds of people are choosing to live that way, so why should you have to have that energy and outlook given to you as well? I have known many people who have experienced those kinds of situations. When you try to give them something positive, the opposite happens. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t help those friends, everyone is responsible for their own actions. Help as much as you can, but don’t forget who you are, you deserve to be around happiness.

I believe positive people are happy and hopeful people. You don’t need money or things to be happy but changing your attitude can do it. Having a positive attitude is a very strong tool and good for a healthy body and mind. Whatever has happened in the past is over, there is no way to change. So instead focus on the present and hope for the best of the future.

Prom Dress

Once again my youngest daughter and I are on a mission to find a prom dress. We have been all over town but still no dress. This isn’t my first time shopping for prom dresses but this is my last time because she is a senior. It’s not like stores don’t have prom dresses, they do but the one my daughter is looking so she hasn’t found. I don’t conceder myself as a conservative mother and my girls and I both believe in moderation. I wonder if other parents and daughters have also noticed what we have. The prices for prom dresses have sky rocketed. I don’t understand why they are so expensive. Don’t they want every girl to have a prom experience?

Another major reason she hasn’t found a dress is because most of the dresses are very revealing or short. My oldest daughter and I noticed the same thing last year too, she had a hard time finding the proper dress. But each year it seems like to us dresses are becoming to show more skin, short, and tight. Every girl’s size and figure is different. But almost all of the dresses are made for full/big figured girls. What about the girls who need a smaller size. Those girl’s choices are limited.

I wonder who is to blame, is it the fashion designers or they are selling what the consumers want. Why would fashion designers want our young girls to show that much skin. I don’t think they are attractive and helping our teens at all. We all know how delicate this age is, they are in the process of finding who they are and at the same time trying to fit in, in this unfit society. Going to prom is a big deal for many girls and they want to look extra pretty, attractive, and happy. As a mother I have seen in both of my girls how frustrated they get when buying a prom dress becomes stressful instead of fun.

I can only imagine how some parents feel pressured buying unapproved dress for their daughters only because they are selling what they want our girls to buy rather than fulfill our girl’s needs. I don’t thing being fashionable is a bad thing but everything should have a limit and in moderation. And showing skin as much as possible isn’t attractive at all. We think it looks cheap, unattractive and sends the wrong message to bad people.I think clothing itself for our teen girls is a huge issue for society, whether buying a prom dress, or any other kind of clothing for any occasion. When we meet someone, the first thing we look is how the other person is dressed up. And based on their outside look we judge that person and later once we start getting to know each other that is when we find out if we like that person or not. Whatever clothing we have on is what we get judged by.

I hope fashion designers and society will turn around soon and start making modern clothing for our teen girls. So the next generation doesn’t have to go through the same thing we parents and our girls are dealing with.

Under age parties or danger

You all had have heard the news about the Ohio high school football players sexual assault of an intoxicated 16 years old. It’s all over the news and if you haven’t heard hare is the link: http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/steubenville-high-school-football-players-found-guilty-rape-16-year-old-judge-article-1.1291087

I don’t know where to began writing about this inhumanly act. After reading this news my emotions where sky rocking, I felt angry, frustrated, sad and very mad at those parents who didn’t know where there kids where and because of lack of parenting now poor 16 years old girl had to deal this horrible incident rest of her life and those two football players future got destroyed and instated of finishing high school and follow there dreams they are sitting in a jail for now. I am not supporting kids but how many 16 or 17 years old are mature to understand what’s right or wrong for them, not many. And who’s job to be there and supervise them, us parents. But if some parents don’t think under age drinking and out of control parties are okay then I feel sorry for them. I hope this is the wakeup call for many kids and the parents. Just because your kids are honor student and involved in sport that doesn’t mean your parenting job is over. Our kids still need for our giddiness. We shouldn’t have over confidence in our kids and believe my kids will never do such a thing like that.

When I was watching this case on 20/20 http://abcnews.go.com/Health/steubenville-rape-trial-15-tips-parents-alcohol-sex/story?id=18785416#.UU81njecxac I was having a really hard time trying to understand the whole situation what had happened and how but a lot had went wrong. What about kids curfew how 16 and 17 years old was out that late of the night and where did they get that much alcohol, there was no adult supervision. The girl had so much alcohol in her system she didn’t remembered what happened night before. Kids went to three different parities same night and in all three homes there was no adult/parent available. My mind is puzzled. And there was lost of other teens but none of them thought what was wrong on was wrong may be we should call our parents or police instead of that they took her naked pictures and video tape and twitted. To me every single person where involved are responsible for what happened that night.

I am also a parent of two teen daughters and I feel like when my girls friends come over to our house for anything as a adult I am not just responsible for my daughter but to other kids too because I am the adult here. And I also hope if someone seems my daughters doing they shouldn’t doing or if they are in danger someone would call police or me.

I am sure many of Mahomet community families are aware underage kids drinking and parting but if you aren’t please be were. Let’s not live in a denial and think my child would never do that such a thing or my kids is a honor student she/he is mature enough to do such a thing. That is so not true. The two Ohio school football players were very good students too and from a good family. I know and I am sure you know that too underage drinking and parities happening in Mahomet too and especially during and after the gradation time. I am hope we all parents and the kids would have learned lesson from there mistake. And hope and pray our kids would make a right decision and later be proud of them and make us proud too.

Cell Phone Etiquette

There was a time when cell phones as common as they are today. In the past, it was only used for emergencies. Times have changed greatly. Cell phones have become our necessity and today if someone tells us they don’t have a cell phone, it’s hard for us to believe. Everyone carries a cell phone, I mean everyone not just adults, kids do too. Due to the competition, cell phone prices have been dropping and are now affordable for many people. And it’s much cheaper than having a land line. They also have family plans; every single person of the family can have their own cell phone for an affordable price. There are many great benefits of having a cell phone. And cell phones have made our lives so much better and easier. Now, we don’t have to wait to go home to make a call. If we need to find out about anything or anyone we can do it right away.

Texting is another great way to communicate and be connected with people. I text my girls throughout the day without hearing their voices and still know where they are and what they are doing. But what about cell phone etiquette? Do we know it and how many of us are following it? Are we thinking about other people’s privacy and the time and place? Back then, cell phones were being use only for emergencies, but today it’s a different case. People are calling each other from anywhere and they are having all kind of conversation they would like to have.

People used to put their phone in their bag or purse. But today it’s attached to their body. As soon as anyone calls or texts people, we can’t wait to look at it. When I go out and I am sure many of you have had this experience too, some cell phone ringers are way too loud; the whole place can hear it. And when people are talking on the phone, they talk way too loud and forget they’re around other people. Not everyone would like to know about their personal life. It’s a very rude thing not to consider other people’s privacy. If your call is that important, go somewhere quite and make it short.

Another thing, why do people put their phone on speaker? Other people don’t want to know your whole conversation. I have also seen people multi-tasking while on the phone. It’s very dangerous and annoying, such as being on the phone while driving, shopping, banking, waiting in line, ordering almost anything that involves interacting with other human beings. People’s life can’t be more important than a phone conversation. I have also seen people using their cells phone where they shouldn’t be, such as at the movie theaters, while meeting with others, live performances, funerals, weddings and while visiting relatives or friends or pretty much everywhere. Even if your phone is on vibrate, people can still hear it. The light from your phone's screen is also very distracting.

Cell phone etiquette is as important as any other etiquette in life. People should think about other’s privacy and be sensitive in public. And cell phone etiquettes apply to everyone, not just adults. But we parents are the ones giving cell phone to our children’s, we need to teach them the manners and also be a role model. Kids learn faster that way. I feel like we abuse cell phones without even thinking about it. It’s not hard to think before making a call or picking up the phone call, where you are and who are you with.

If you haven’t noticed, start noticing now and you won’t be surprised to see how people are using their cell phones and how inconvenient and annoying it can be for people around them. I believe the cell phone is a great invention, we should appreciate it and use it wisely.

The identity thief

I used to be one of those people who never thought that my identity could be stolen. When I watched TV commercials about identity theft I used to think it was for people who weren’t careful with their personal information, but I was wrong. I see now that identity theft is real and happens everywhere. I know understand it much more, being that this recently happened to me.

If you are a single parent or someone with lots of responsibilities you will understand that taking care of everything isn’t easy at all. We juggle a lot and try to do our best in all areas, but sometimes it’s not possible and you miss important things. I am someone who is a very careful and cautious person. Along with my other responsibilities I manage my finances as well. But in reality it’s not easy to see where you are spending every single penny. Unless, at the end of each month, before you pay your bills, you sit down and do your own math and then make the payments. That requires time and energy, something many of us don’t have.

I have been using my American Express card for more than a decade and have never had a problem with it. I use that card a lot so I can earn points. With my life style I never pay full attention on each item, I do my own math before I make payments but only with a quick glance. My eyes mostly go to the big numbers. Three months ago, my daughter moved out so I got some extra time. As many of you know when you are busy, you don’t have time to think about anything extra but as soon as you get a break your attention goes to the small things that may have slipped your mind before.

During my winter break, I paid more attention to the bills and noticed that there was a charge on my card. I thought my daughter must have bought something, so I just had to make the payment. The following month, I didn’t use that card at all but received the charge again. I called my daughter and asked her what she was buying each month for the same amount. She said, “Mom, I don’t use the American Express card at all. The last time I used it was when I was with you in Illinois”. That made me very concerned. Right a way I called American Express and asked about the charge. They told me that it was a, “electronic payment setup”. She then asked, “You don’t remember setting it up? I said, “No, I have never done any electronic payment setup”. Then I asked her where my money is going she said, the company name is Experian and it’s not in Illinois. At this point I was feeling very stressed and worried. I have never heard about this company name before. She then told me this company checks credit each month. She told that they have been charging me for the last six months.

I started feeling really nervous. Someone has been using my card for the last six months and I had no clue about it. I was getting upset at myself. The fraud department lady was very nice. She told me that she was canceling my card and in two days I would get a new card along with all of my credit for the past 6 months.

The next morning I called the company “Experian” and asked where they got my information. They told me they had my card information but in a different name. A name I have never heard of. After I told them it wasn’t me, they canceled that account and also offered the entire amount that had been charged on my card. I wasn’t very concerned about the money but rather about the identity theft.

I never thought this could happen to me. I am very carful about providing my personal information and never thought someone could get it. Please be careful and learn from my experience. When you get your credit card bill check it twice, and make sure the charges are correct. I made a mistake not taking the time to go over each charge. Don’t take identity theft lightly it’s real and is happening to many people.

First time home

This was my first experience with my daughter coming home from the college. When my oldest decided to move to California for school we all were very happy, nervous and excited at the same time. It was a huge change in all of our lives but especially for her. But after going through home sickness, she put herself together and started accepting the change and adjusted to her new life.

She has always been practical rather than emotional but always her mother’s daughter. She is also my best friend. We both missed each other a lot. Everyday we talked to each other and from the day she left for school we were counting down the days until she would come home. Different parents told me different things about their experiences when their kids came home for the first time. When I went to airport to pick her up, I was extremely happy and I had happy tears in my eyes.

She was away due to school but this is her home and I assumed that nothing would have changed, but I was wrong. Yes, she is my daughter and will always be. But I have to accept that now she has her own life and doesn’t need me in the same way that she used to. I was used to taking care of everything for her. Three months ago when she left, she was nervous and scared yet excited. Three months later when she came home, I noticed a change in her. She is no longer nervous or scared but I saw a beautiful mature and confident young adult. One who has found her own identity and is independent. She still needs her mother but not like before.

I noticed in her behavior that she wanted me to treat her like an adult. For example, she is a night owl and loves to watch television and movies. I am not a television fan, so I like to go to bed early and wake up early as well. I believe it was the 3^rd day she came back and all three of us were watching a movie. The movie ended around 11:30 or so and I was ready to go to bed. So I told my girls, “okay let’s turn off the TV and go to the bed”. She replied back, “Mom if you are tired, you can go to bed. I would like to watch some more TV”. She was respectful and I didn’t take it the wrong way. But she has never answered me back before when I tell her to do something. There were many times that I noticed she was telling me not to treat her like a child and to trust her.

She got together with her high school friends a few times, she had a good time and was glad to see all of them. During breakfast I asked her how her visit was with her friends. She replied, “Mom I noticed how much I have changed”, I asked her what she meant by that and she said, “The topics that used to interest me don’t interest me anymore”. As a mom I felt very proud of her. She has grown in the last three months. She is my oldest so anything she is going through is the first time for me too. I felt like she was helping me grow with her. Now she is at that place where she wants her mom but like an adult, one who can listen to her without trying to decide for her. She wants understanding and advice as a friend and mom.

Three weeks went very fast. And before we knew it, it was time for her to fly back to LA. At the airport it was very hard for me to say goodbye to her. I know she was having a hard time too. I never thought about this before but this is part is what I hate the most about being a mother, the separation from her. This is a new experience for me but I am sure all parents go through the same thing. I am very happy for her and looking forward to her bright future.

Gun control

This is my least favorite topic to write about. I never thought someday I would be writing about guns. I don’t know much about them and I am not interested at all. But whether I am interested or not guns are affecting all of us. We all know what happened at the Sandy Hook elementary school in Newtown, Connecticut. Along with many other questions the topic of owning guns is another question we are all dealing with. As a citizen and a mother I would like to give my opinion. I personally don’t like guns and wish people wouldn’t carry guns like it wasn’t a bit deal. Not to long ago there was an article in the news about this topic, “Clearing the guns from the streets of LA” here is the link http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/clearing-the-guns-from-the-streets-of-la-its-time-to-change-we-must-get-these-guns-off-the-street-8432183.html. It is an interesting incentive. It is heartbreaking when we hear in the news how many people are dying by guns. Last Thursday in Utah 200 teachers got free gun training in response to Newtown shooting. http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/12/28/16206006-utah-teachers-get-free-gun-training-in-response-to-newtown-shooting.

When I watching the news I was wondering how many teachers would be comfortable holding a gun. We have come to the point where now educators are carrying guns. I wonder how teachers are able to teach while having guns in their classrooms. As a citizen, mother, and early childhood teacher I am not conformable with it.

While I was growing up in Karachi, I had read and heard about people in places where the Taliban had control, that is where people carried guns all the time. However here in the U.S I wonder how children feel when they see teachers carrying guns with them. Will they really feel safe and be comfortable at school. In addition what kind of message are they getting from it?

Many years ago I was going through a difficult time, I had recently moved from Chicago to a small town and didn’t know very many people. My daughter’s were very young and I was concerned about their protection. There were many times that I considered getting a gun for protection however something always stopped me. But I still needed some kind of security. I then decided that all three of us would take a Martial Arts Class. Honestly I didn’t know if my girls would be able to learn and enjoy at the same time but I wanted them to trust that I would protect them. Martial Arts helped improve my self-esteem, gave us all confidence and it’s a great sport for the mind and body. It has been ten years and thanks to God we haven’t had to use these skills on anybody but at least we were always ready.

I think teachers should take some kind of self-defense class. This way they learn to trust themselves and feel comfortable too. There are many different types of self-defense activities out there. Educational facilities are places that should be free of stress and be a relaxing environment. Kids can feel when something is wrong and they trust their teachers. Many students trust their teacher more then their own parents. Teachers are very special people whose utmost priority is the safety of their students.

Worry free life

Growing up, my life was full of worries and stress due to many life factors. When I was a young adult the idea of a worry free life, sounded really good to me and many times I used to wonder how I would feel when my life would be worry free. When I could just relax and not worry for anything. Wouldn’t it be nice if we all had a worry free life? The older I got the more I got a reality check and to me the reality check is; there is always something that will be on my mind and I have to take care of it. As a responsible adult or a parent we have a lot of responsibilities. And there are many days we feel overwhelmed, stressed and worried. It took me years of understanding, until we die we will always have something to worry about or take care of.

But this is how I feel; yes, life isn’t fair and our plates are full of things but we worry too much about everything. There are things we have no control over and don’t have a choice so we just have to accept it and take care of it. But there are things for example, car problems, family issues or weather. We shouldn’t drag it on or worry for days.

I read a really nice book, it’s all about self-improving. Recently, I happened to grab it again, in his book the author talks about how there is no tomorrow, the only thing we have is today. When we worry, we aren’t worried about right now, most of the time we are worrying about the future. Worry is fear of unknowns and unknowns are in the future, which hasn’t happened yet. And when we worry for our future, we spoil our present. And that’s the only thing we have. We can be in the present moment, feeling and enjoy it. Another thing I really like about his book is, he asked us to look and feel yourself, right now are you in any kind of pain, comfortable, are you around your family or is everyone doing fine where ever they are. If your answer is yes then that’s a present moment and let go all of tomorrow’s worries and be in the moment. That’s all we have and it’s a very powerful thing.

I agree with him. Here and there I do this exercise and it has brought me back to the present moment. I noticed I feel lighter and more focused too. It doesn’t mean you are in denial or avoiding your problems. Instead of worry focus on the solution, if there are any. If not then accept it as you have chosen the situation, this way you won’t struggle every single day.

Everyone deals with things differently and we are all right our own way. If I have something on my mind and I’m struggling, I write it down and that helps me face my problems and find a solution. Some people like to talk about it, some like to keep it inside. It’s all good as long as we get to the solution and move on from there.

Worrying isn’t good just for our mind. It’s effect physically too. From http://www.webmd.com/balance/guide/how-worrying-affects-your-body “Chronic worrying affects your daily life so much that it interferes with your appetite, lifestyle habits, relationships, sleep, and job performance. Many people who worry excessively are so anxiety-ridden that they seek relief in harmful lifestyle habits such as overeating, cigarette smoking, or using alcohol and drugs”. Also this:

difficulty swallowing
dizziness
dry mouth
fast heartbeat
fatigue
headaches
inability to concentrate
irritability
muscle aches
muscle tension
nausea
nervous energy
rapid breathing
shortness of breath
sweating
trembling and twitching

When the excessive fuel in the blood isn’t used for physical activities, the chronic anxiety and outpouring of stress hormones can have serious physical consequences, including:

suppression of the immune system
digestive disorders
muscle tension
short-term memory loss
premature coronary artery disease
heart attack

And that’s why we shouldn’t worry but be happy.

What’s life?

When we were young our thinking was limited but now as an adult there is no limit and that’s why right now I’m just going to talk about myself, but I’m sure many of you readers have also asked “what’s life is all about”? There are times in life we get caught up and forget about everything else but as soon as we take a break and start thinking, “what am I am doing with my life? “Is this is how I should be living my life?” or, “what’s the meaning of life?”

When we buy things, they usually come with an instruction manual and if we don’t’ like it, we can always return it and get our money back but life doesn’t come with a manual. We wish, right? Every experience we go through teaches us about ourselves prepares us for the future. All over the world, millions of people are struggling with sicknesses or pain. Generation to generation, having a tough time, I wonder, how do they pursuit life?

I ask this question to my friends and co-workers and nobody’s answer matches with each other but all of their answers are right. There is no right or wrong answer about what’s life. It’s all how we look at it. For some people life is a journey not a destination or for others we all have a purpose. It’s up to us individually how we look at it.

As a human being, when we’re going through a good time we don’t think about this kind of stuff, we enjoy and want to freeze that happy moment but life has its’ ups and downs. When we’re going through a hard time, that’s when our focus shifts to ourselves and we forget about the good times but think how hard life is. Which isn’t true at all, we have constant changes in our lives.

For me, my life isn’t perfect and will never be but life is beautiful and I try my best to focus on what I have, not on what I don’t or what I wish I had. Yesterday was the day 22 years ago, I moved to the States from Karachi, Pakistan. I don’t know where I’ll be after 22 years but as long as my family and I are happy and healthy it’s doesn’t matter where I’ll be.

When I look at young kids, being busy playing, having fun and living in the moment, that’s also life to me. They don’t care what’s going to happen next. The next thing is the future and the future hasn’t happened yet but present is so why waste it on worrying for the future. I read somewhere, “Life is 10 percent what you make it and 90 percent how you take it.” Isn’t that true? I think most of us, including myself, tend to focus on the other way. 90 present is a big number and it’s all about attitude. Even when we’re going through a tough time, we should change our attitudes and I’m sure all of us would fine something positive from it and that would help us become more understanding and would help us to keep moving. Having a positive attitude is the key for many successful people and lives. And that’s something we were all born with and no one can take it but we can always pass it on to other people+. It’s a very powerful tool.

“Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact”

Everyone have something to deal

I have never written anything about this topic before. Perhaps it’s because I never thought about it or maybe I didn’t know that this could be an issue with me. Growing up I didn’t have a father or brother but five sisters. My mother was a stay at home mom. I watched her cook, clean and take care of us while running a household. One of my mom’s brothers helped us financially so mom didn’t have to work and back then it was common for women to stay home and take care of the kids and house as the men made the money.

Growing up my focus was getting good grades, learning how to cook, clean, wash clothes by hand, sew, and take care of my family’s needs. For example I needed to be very supportive of my baby sister because I was older than her. By the time I finished high school I was masterful in all of those things. In the cultural perspective once you get married your husband will take care of you. Which means even if you have a college degree you aren’t required to work outside the house. That’s his job and yours is to take care of him, his families needs and the kids.

When I got married, my mother-in-law was also a stay at home woman. Her husband and mine both worked. This was my first time living with male who was working and taking care of their families. It was new and different for me. Now looking back I don’t know if I was enjoying it or not because that’s what I had learned. But I remember getting bored a lot. In the United States it was and is common for women to work. After five months of moving to America, I asked my ex-husband if after he goes to work I could get a job. Since he was gone all the time I would get bored, I don’t know anyone besides your family, and I don’t have any friends. I am thinking about working at Burger King, which was walking distance because I didn’t have a driver’s license. He said, “Sure, if that is what you want to do I can take you there tomorrow so you can fill out the application. At that time my English was weak and I wanted to improve it. I worked in the kitchen. That was my first job in the United States. I was very happy and worked there for almost two years. When I found out I was pregnant with my first child, I quit working and became a stay home mom for many years. I was one of the lucky moms who could stay home with their kids and raise them without getting worried about work.

But you never know when things can change. When my daughters were 7 and 8 years old I got divorced. It was very hard but not foreign to me. I had learned how to live with this kind of situation from my mother. Right away I started taking care of the house and the girls. I had always wanted to have a college degree so I went back to school and got my Bachelor’s degree. While I was in school I started applying for a job but there was a part of me that was very nervous. The culture I was born in taught me that my focus should be only on children. It was a struggle. When I saw other women working in big companies and having professional careers I envied them and wanted to be just like them but I didn’t know how to.

If I have fifty people at my house I can take care of all of them easily and manage to cook for them and have a lively time. But if I had a company to run of fifty people I wouldn’t be able to do it. I always thought that other women have those skills, not me. Yet I still always wanted to do it, I struggled for many reasons. One being that I am a homebody, I love being around my family and in my home. In addition I didn’t have any personal models that had done it before.

I remembered when I was in college my counselors asked me where I saw myself in five years. I could never answer that question, I didn’t even know what they were trying to say. I wonder how many women can answer that question. I have been working for the last five years but every time I see a higher level job, I don’t dare apply because I think that I can’t do it or that it isn’t meant for me. This is the area of my life not many people know about it. I believe that just like we teach our kids how to go to school, get good grades and keep their rooms clean this is another area girls should know about when growing up.

There was a time when women didn’t have to work. Times have changed and it’s not just about making minimum wage for the rest of your life, it’s about going beyond your limits and believing that you are capable of doing anything. Don’t take me wrong. I love my job. I am working in a school as a teacher’s assistant. For many years I didn’t believe I could make money like a man and raise my girls because the mentality I grew up with was different. But now looking back I wasted time for not believing that I could do more than just clean and cook.

I am sure that as humans we all have something that holds us back, it doesn’t matter who you are. It could be related to a childhood trauma, culture, religion, family beliefs or something else. You may have been struggling with something but aren’t able to point it out. You feel embarrassed to talk about it or you may be in denial. It doesn’t matter what the case it, it is there and will be there until you deal with it. The sooner the better, because then we can look to make our futures bright.

We American talk Skinny but eat fat!

At the beginning of every year many of us make a weight loss resolution. But how many of us keep it and actually see great results, not many. Why is that? America is a country obsessed with losing weight and looking skinny. Yet America is the only county whose obesity rate is sky rocketing. When we are young, we don’t care about weight, and eat whatever we want too. But once you hit your mid 20’s we seeing changes in our bodies. And with age it gets harder and harder to lose, but it isn’t impossible as long as we are willing to still try.

Before I start writing I just want to clarify that my focus is on women who are trying to lose weight in order to be healthy, not in order to follow stereotypical ideas about being skinny. My focus is on real women whose lives are full of many responsibilities. Their first priority is family and then themselves. But we women need to put ourselves first in order to take good care of our families and feel good not just from the outside but inside too.

If we look around us we are surrounded by good health ideas. There was a time when we would have to ask the doctor how to lose weight and what foods are good for us and what isn’t it. Now through magazines, the internet and TV we can find out what kind of food is good for us. We have access to so much knowledge, so why doesn’t this trend of obesity stop?

It’s very easy to blame fast food restaurants and our busy lives. However restaurants don’t come to us, we go to them. Everybody’s body, and lifestyles are different so each individual needs to adjust accordingly. If you have health issues talk to your doctor. As adults we have our responsibilities, isn’t taking cares of ourselves one of them?

When this year started I was satisfied with my weight. At that point I was working out, eating healthy and feeling good about myself. Slowly, before I knew it, I completely changed the way I took care of myself. When my daughter graduated from high school, family came and stayed with us. I am from a culture where food is a big part of celebrations. I truly enjoy food, but I am also an emotional eater. During this time, my food was controlling me due to my inability to control myself.

I have never liked this but I understand that when women lose weight we feel good about ourselves. That’s not the way it should be because we are still the same person. But psychologically it affects us and it helps our self-esteem. I am not talking about becoming skinny or dreaming about having the same kind of body we had before we had kids. That isn’t going to happen, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t feel good.

What happened to our New Year’s resolutions? My willpower has always been very strong but when I am under stress I lose it. I get disappointed in myself as well. But their is nothing I can do about the past, we still have six more months to go for this year. Why not focus on that.

When I was younger I had lost weight easily before and have helped others to lose as well. It wasn’t hard for me and I know I can do it again. But this time, it’s not about the number, it’s about the life style. Everybody has some kind of weakness, mine is sweets. I don’t want sweets to control me; I need to find a good balance.

The very first thing we need to do is stop checking our weight every single day. Have a realistic goal and do not compare yourself with any other women. Enjoy everything but with moderation. We all know that diet and exercise work together. When we go grocery shopping for our families, watch what we are buying, because that is what you and your family are consuming. When you go to a restaurant, share your meal, there is more then enough for one person.

Don’t let another year go by and still be in the same place as before. We have all the tools and we know how to use it. Now it’s up to us to do it.

Our Teen girls and Fashion

When girls are young it doesn’t matter what nationality or skin color they are from. Anything they put wear looks cute, and the stores are full of adorable stuff, with different colors and styles. But as soon as girls start growing up those cute things don’t apply anymore. Their wardrobes start changing but usually not for the better. The outfits become shorter and shorter, to the point where it hardly covers the body.

I am the mother of two daughters and I know how delicate the adolescent age is for girls. The self-esteem and confidence level is low. At this age they are very self conscious and fragile. The main goal is to fit in with everyone else, in addition to dealing with peer pressure and other things. Clothing plays a big role in this area. I have talked to many mothers and all of our views are the same on this topic. I don’t know what fashion designers are trying to promote by making clothing small and low cut for teenage girls.

Whether going shopping for school, prom, etc, it’s all same. It’s a struggle to find a decent article of clothing that is fashionable and modest the same time. The first time I took my eldest daughter shopping for a homecoming dress, she had a hard time finding a simple dress. I took her all over town and out of town as well. Both of us were getting frustrated but she came up with an interesting idea. She found a dress that she liked that was relatively low cut, but her solution was for me to sew the neckline to make it higher. I did that and it worked perfectly. I have done that to many other dresses now too.

Clothing changes a person’s personality and we all know our society judges us based on our outside looks. Some of the clothing takes away a young girl’s innocence. It makes them look far more mature then they should. This being the case, they look at themselves differently as a result. What is the big rush in growing up fast? I dislike it very much so and I don’t understand why we are trying to promote that?

We can’t blame our kids entirely either because it isn’t their fault that there aren’t respectful yet fashionable items for them. In a way it’s as if companies are forcing us to buy small and low cut clothing. These teen girls are fashion designers marketing target. They are telling our girls what to buy because it will make them feel older and more beautiful. I hope this trend doesn’t keep going on like this.

At this age they are searching for their identity but at the same time they want to be accepted. Not all but most girls tend to have a low-self-esteem issue. Those kinds of girls become easy targets. There are many things that are associated with revealing or insinuating clothing. Rape can be more prone to occur because of it, of course it isn’t because of the teenager but the clothing speaks for itself. It’s our job as parents to teach our girls how to look nice without attracting that type of undesired attention. We need to explain to them how special they are.