Amtrak

Last year my youngest daughter decided to go to Loyola University in Chicago. The Chicago area wasn’t new to us. Before we moved to Mahomet, we lived 10 years in one Chicago’s suburbs. Driving to and from Chicago wasn’t a big deal for me. After we moved to Mahomet, we still had family there and I had driven into Chicago using all the major highways and also in all four seasons. But then family moved away and slowly driving to Chicago became less frequent. I slowly lost my ability to drive into the Chicago city. When we first took my daughter to her University, I noticed the traffic gave me a lot of stress and I didn’t want to drive on big highways anymore. I got use to driving in Champaign. My girls noticed and they both drove. Chicago isn’t that far it takes approximately 2 ½ hours. But it’s hard to find parking and when you find it, it can get very expensive. And that’s when we started looking at other ways she can come home without me driving into heavy traffic and getting stress about it.

We found out that Amtrak is the best way to go to Chicago, it leaves from Champaign and the parking is also free at the train station. After doing the math we came to the conclusion that we liked Amtrak’s deal better. She started using the train and many times I went to visit her too by taking the train. It takes us straight to Union Station, the seats are comfortable and it’s less stressful.

But here is the downside; the train is never on time. Every time my daughter comes down or I go up to visit each other we noticed every single time, the train is late. In the January my oldest daughter was home and wanted to visit her sister in Chicago. We decided to take the early train so we can spend the whole day with her and then take 4:00 pm train back. Unfortunately on the day of travel the train was 1 ½ hours late and the Amtrak people didn’t even have any kind of answer. They kept saying train should be here soon. Of course our trip was really short and none of us liked it.  Last Tuesday night my daughter took a train home after finishing her finals. She was tired and very excited to be coming home. From Chicago she left on time and her train was supposed to arrive at Champaign at 10:34 PM. She texted me at10:30 PM “We are still in train. We are stopped but they haven’t announced why”. At 11:28 PM she text me again, “So apparently there is a freight train in front of us that lost fuel”. At 11:45 PM she came more than an hour late.

I don’t like how the trains are always late. I can understand if there are emergencies but every single trip, it is too much. I wonder how others feel about their service. Yes, their tickets are cheap and it is less stressful but what about the time. Their 2½ hours always turns into 3 or 3½ hours. I really hope they will do something about it and consider people’s frustrations in the future.

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Another dream came true!

Another dream came true!

            Since I was a child along with many others dreams I also dreamt of modeling or acting. But due to life circumstances I couldn’t achieve that dream. Also Pakistani culture doesn't approve of it. And that’s why I never shared this dream with anyone. I knew if I told someone I would hear something negative and I would feel bad about dreaming about something like that. But that dream has always been alive in me.

After I moved to Mahomet in 1999 I found a modeling agency in Champaign. I called the person and talked to her but there was something about that place and the person that I didn’t like, but I did get the chance to make a commercial and being in a graduation catalog. Yet it didn’t feel fulfilling. I didn’t enjoy at all and the owner wasn't professional at all and very shortly I found out she closed her business. I was disappointed but wasn't satisfied how she was running her business. Then I got busy raising my girls and here and there I thought back to my dream. 

Last year I met Cara day though another my friend. Cara told me she is involved in acting and she is also a director assistant of Johnny Robinson. Johnny Robinson is an independent movie director.http://gardenofchloe.weebly.com/johnny-robinson.html. After I told her I was interested in acting, she sent me his email address and told me he is looking for actors for his new independent movie,http://gardenofchloe.weebly.com in town.  I got excited and emailed him introducing myself and letting him know I am interested. A couple days later he replied back and asked me to meet with him at his home because that’s where he is making the movie and he wanted me to see the place too. 

First I felt a little hesitant meeting a stranger for the first time at his home. I called him and asked him to meet at the bookstore but once he picked up the phone and explained why he wanted to meet at his home all of my worries went away.  There was something inside of me that said, don’t worry about it it’s all good. Believe it or not, the minute I met him I felt very comfortable. He made me feel very welcomed. We met for an hour or so. I told him that I don’t know much about acting and don’t have any experience but I am interested.  He asked me about myself and he told me about the role he thinks I would fit based on my personality and also told me, “I don’t want you to act but be yourself”. I really liked that.  He also named my character my real name “Zainab”. What more could I ask for? I met his beautiful and fully supportive wife and other actress and camera crew. Every single person is very nice. I am having a great time and am looking forward to the shooting. My HUGE thank you to Cara Day and to Johnny Robinson, for giving me this fun, lifetime experience. I am truly grateful for that.

I am a dreamer and also I believe dreams do come true. Sometime it takes time and something do come true but sometimes not the way we planned it. I never thought I would be acting in an independent movie here in Urbana, IL. When I told my family about it, they were very happy for me and fully supported.  But sadly the culture still doesn't approve and from the culture prospective acting and modeling is something good people don’t do. I am glad I don’t think like that and I am following my dreams. If someone doesn't approve of what I do or wants to judge me that’s okay because I am very comfortable about who I am. I don’t have to prove to anyone anything, I just live my life the way I want to live it. How often do we get chances like this.

My whole point of writing this story is that, it doesn't matter what your dream was or is. Don’t let anyone tell you you can’t achieve it. They’re your dreams so it’s your job to take care of it and to make it happen. Whatever your dream is you are never ever too old to achieve it. Don’t doubt yourself but believe in yourself and then others will too. Everything starts within us.

Happy Mother's Day!

Mother’s day is a beautiful tradition! Not just in the USA but also all over the world people celebrate it and I personally love this tradition.  What our mother’s have done or are still doing is remarkable. I grew up without a father but with my Mom (Ami), growing up everything was a struggle even for the basic needs. I admire how my Mother raised 5 daughters, our grandmother who lived with us and died in our home, and also one of my cousins who moved into our home when she was younger. There were 8 people living in a two-bedroom house. My mother raised my cousin like her own daughter. I remember growing up people would ask my sisters and I how many sisters we had and we always said 6. I still wonder how my Mother took care of everyone with the limited income and never complained instead always thankful to God.  

Growing up in Karachi I never heard about Mother’s day but once I moved here I started getting to know what Mother’s day was about. In the culture I am from Mothers are highly respected people. Anything they need or say, it doesn’t matter what your age is you will never talk back to her; you just do what she needed as fast as you can. Growing up I have seen how my Mother and uncles treated my grandmother with the up-most respect. When she entered into the room everyone would rise from their seat and waited until she sat down before they did for respect.

            Last year in April 2013 when my Mother had a massive stoke, we all got scared and thought we would lose her. But because of her strong will and the fighter she is, she is still with us. She is fully paralyzed and her condition is getting worse but we feel blessed everyday she wakes up. But as a family we know based on her condition she won’t be with us too much longer. I have talked to many people who have lost their mothers and every single person said the same thing, it’s not same after their Mother is gone, it’s like a hole that never gets filled. I don’t know how I feel when the time comes but I feel extremely blessed I got the privilege to know my Mother and I know God gave me the best Mother in the world.

            There is another person in my life that I also call my Mother, she is my ex-husband’s Mother. It’s part of the culture to call your husband’s Mother your Mother as well. At the beginning if feels strange because she isn’t your actual Mother. But with time and experience you do get close to each other. When I first moved to the States I was 18 years old and had just finished high school. I didn’t know what the marriage role meant or how to be a daughter-in-law. But my mother-in-law whose’ name is Hawa bi Hussain said to me 24 years ago, “You are like my own daughter”. And I am proud to say until this day 24 years later she still treats me like her own daughter. Even during my divorce she didn’t take anyone’s side and continued treating me like family. To this day she calls me every week to check up on me, asking how I am and if I need anything. I feel very comfortable with her.  She is caring, loving, sensitive, understanding, supporting, mature and the nicest woman I know. I feel very lucky I have two remarkable women who I call my Mothersin my life. On this Mother’s day I wish both of my Mothers a Happy Mother’s day and to all the remarkable Mother’s out there!

 

Don't you quit!

              It seems like just yesterday we welcomed 2014 and we are already beginning May. Where did the time go? Every year many of us make New Year resolutions according to our own needs. Some keep last year’s unfinished goals and some start new. We all come up with our own goals. In women, the common goal is to lose weight. I too have made that resolution, this article isn’t about how to achieve your New Year resolution or how to lose weight but a reminder about it.

Many of you already know last year my Ammi (mother) had a massive stroke and last summer I went to Karachi to visit her. It was a very hard and painful time for my entire family. We all thought we were going to lose our Ammi. I am not blaming my Ammi about my weight but due to her sickness it put a lot of stress on not just me but on my entire family as well. Everyone’s focus was and still is on Ammi. I am one of those when I am under stress I eat a lot and very unhealthily.  And we all know when we are under stress it’s very hard to focus on positive things, the very first thing most of us do is stop exercising and make unhealthy choices.

I am one of those lucky ones who so far does not have any kind of health issues. But I noticed due to my high stress I didn’t exercise and started eating unhealthy food, I quickly started gaining weight and at some point I got scared. I was having all kind of pains, had no energy and felt very negative. Which is unlike me, I am a very happy and positive soul. I didn’t like myself that way. One day I sat down and start writing how I was feeling and it was so easy for me see that the problem was my weight was controlling me.

One thing I want to make sure for me it’s not about smaller number but be healthy! And by losing extra pounds we do feel healthy and happy! When the New Year started I made the decision that food can’t control me anymore, I will be in control. My Ammi’s situation is still very painful and hard. She is losing each day but my family feel blessed she is still around us. When I talked to my nieces about my weight gaining issue I found out they also dealing with the same thing. They are actually seeing Ammi each day so their situation is harder than mine. My niece’s names are Mahwish and Zaib, they are 27 and 29 years old. The three of us have been helping and supporting each other. I have a food journal and I come up with my own weekly goal. My weakness was sweets but not anymore. I have signed up for a 5k and I am so looking forward to it. By being present or aware and with my niece’s support I have already lost some weight already. I noticed I am sleeping better and my energy level is up. Mahwish also makes her own weekly goals and so far she has lost 9 pounds and Zaib has lost 8. I am super proud of them. My whole point of writing this story is that it doesn’t matter what your New Year resolution goal was, whether it was to lose weight or something else. As long as you keep making progress and focus on the end results. If you haven’t seen any progress don’t get discouraged or quit. Keep doing it if that’s something you really want to. It’s so easy to blame on others, food, lifestyle and make more countless excuses but it takes one strong mental decision and once we have decided on something, nothing can change it except our own self. Some days when I Skype with Ammi and I see her in pain and crying, those days are extremely hard for me. I feel negative, complain about everything and have the attitude “I don’t care about anything anymore” but now I take a deep breath, take a nap or I write down how I feel and then I start walking again. Let’s not wait until next year to start all over again. We still have 8 more months to go, don’t compete with anyone just believe in yourself. “Quitters never win and winners never quit”!