Our Baby Chachi

We all have relatives, but some relatives are pretty special and go beyond what’s expected of them. Our Baby chachi is one of those special relatives. Her real name is Sultana Malika, but when she was a child, she got the nickname “baby” and that name became her identity. It stayed with her when she got married, became a mother, an aunt and even a grandmother. Baby chachi was married to my father’s younger brother and that’s why we call her chachi; which means aunt. Baby chachi was very young when she got married to my uncle. They had a age difference but she got mature in no time and learned how to handle pretty much everything. She was the best wife my uncle could have asked for.  Here is an interesting side of her.

Chachi didn’t have proper education but she understood the value of education, all of her 6 kids are college graduates and some became engineers. After my father passed away, my mother was going through a really tough time raising 5 girls alone. Chachi and my uncle took a huge step for which my mother and all of us sisters are very grateful. They bought the house next to our home and gave my mother the security that she wasn’t alone. They showed that we are all one big family. They both proved it every single day and are still doing it. All of us five sisters and six cousins grew up together. It was a beautiful priceless time. We were each other’s friends and had the time of our lives.

My Ami was older than chachi and chachi always respected that. At the same time they both had an understanding and mutual respect for each other, I would say that if my Ami trusted anyone that was chachi. She was caring and loving towards all of my sisters but from an early age I felt a special connection between chachi and I. Chachi and my uncle always made sure we were okay and didn’t want for anything. Growing up every year before Eid (a Muslim Holiday) she made sure we had new outfits and were excited for the holiday. I don’t remember what year, but before one of the Eid’s I didn’t like the clothes she had bought me. I didn’t say anything to her but she read it on my face. She took it back immediately and brought another one which I liked. She made a beautiful butterfly dress for me. It was a moonlight fabric and the colors were red and white. I can still close my eyes and see that dress. I don’t even know if she remembers that but I do. She was and is still the kind of woman that would do anything for those she loves.   

When my marriage proposals started coming she didn’t want me to marry just anyone. She would talk to my mother and my uncle. She rejected some because they were ordinary people. For as long as I can remember chachi was our other mother that we could count on and who looked after all of us sisters fiercely.

Before my Ami passed away, chachi would come every day and pray for her and stay by her side. We all knew what was going on with our mother and it was just matter of time. But seeing Ami in the condition was really painful. My oldest sister is a little bit mentally disabled and she was really close to Ami.  I thought that maybe Ami is not letting go because she is worried for her. They say people in comas can still hear everything going on around them. I thought maybe we needed to talk to Ami and let her know, she will be just fine. I didn’t think that conversation would be easy but chachi being there made it easier. There are no words to describe how you can prepare yourself for that kind of conversation. My second oldest sister, baby chachi and I were in the room with Ami and we started the conversation. Baby chachi told Ami, “I am here and I will never leave your girls alone. You don’t have to worry about anything”. And then she broke down. It was so painful and hard to see my baby chachi crying like that.

Our Baby chahee is a very loving and sweet woman. The way she talks to you, shows how much she care about you, you can feel it. Every time I come back to the US it’s very difficult to say goodbye to her. Many years ago my uncle passed away and all her kids got married. Now chachi is living with her kids and enjoying her time surrounded by her family. I feel really blessed and loved from her. After Ami passed away she still checks on my sisters and nieces makes sure they are okay. I know she will keep doing it as long as she can. I hope we can have more aunts like my baby chachi.

Staying safe in Pakistan

We all hear in the news and read about how unsafe Pakistan is. A lot has happened there and people feel very unsafe to live and travel there. There is no doubt about it. And I am not in denial or trying to convince anyone that Pakistan is a safe place to travel but I would like to share my experience with all of you.  

Last year 2013 when my Ami had a stroke, I wanted to go and visit her. And it has been 7 years since my last. During those 7 years just like anyone here I was also listening and watching the news, hearing how horrible and unsafe Pakistan was getting.  To be honest in the beginning yes, I was nervous but I didn’t care about anything else except to be with my Ami before it was too late. When I talked to my girls about my plan to go to Karachi, they both said, “I want to go and visit Nani (Grandma) too”. We had a long and open conversation and I wanted them to be sure that it was something they were sure about. They both were sure and couldn’t wait to visit Karachi and Nani again. And honestly I was nervous about Ami’s health and kept wondering if this was our last time visiting her. When I told family and friends who lives here in the States about all three of us going to Karachi they all got really scared and nervous and called me with lots of advice.

My girls and I stayed in Karachi for three weeks and I am proud to say absolutely nothing bad happened to us. We all went and created great memories with Nani and the rest of the family. But of course we were careful. My girls looks Pakistani but they are American born and can speak Urdu, but with an accent. They had an idea about the culture but never fully experienced it. As soon as we arrived, the girls wanted to blend in so they wore Pakistani clothing so people couldn’t tell they weren’t from there. We didn’t take any kind of valuable things with us and didn’t try to show off which I am blessed to say my girls aren’t like that. We were careful in the super market and didn’t speak English to anyone. We traveled in the Rickshaw “Auto rickshaws are a common means of public transportation in many countries in the world. Also known as a three wheeler, Samosa, tempo,tuk-tuk, trishaw, autorick, bajaj, rick, tricycle, mototaxi, baby taxi or lapa in popular parlance, an auto rickshaw is a usually three-wheeled cabin cycle for private use and as a vehicle for hire. It is a motorized version of the traditional pulled rickshaw or cycle rickshaw. Auto rickshaws are an essential form of urban transport in many developing countries, and a form of novelty transport in many developed countries. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Auto_rickshaw. We felt very lucky and blessed that after seven years we went and we had a very safe and great visit with my family. And came back home with more love and priceless memories with family.

After we came back I didn’t plan to go back so soon but not everything goes according to plan. My Ami’s condition started going down again and she went into a coma. I absolutely had no planning of going back a year later but there was something in me that said I need to be there as soon as possible. And believe it or not I planned my whole trip in three days. This time my girls wanted to go again but unfortunately they were in the middle of the semester. Once again I didn’t care how unsafe Karachi was I just wanted to see my Ami before she left this world. I stayed there longer than ever. I was there for 6 weeks and once again absolutely nothing happened to me. Since I can still speak Urdu well, I was careful and made sure I didn’t behave a certain way so people could tell I was visiting from the USA.

While I was there I watched on the news and a lot of people told me how bad the conditions were in Karachi. It was very unsafe and people were getting killed, robbed and put in danger. I feel blessed and lucky nothing happened to me or to my family. And I pray to God to keep everyone safe. Yes, a lot of bad people are doing bad things but at the same time I saw good people doing good things too.

Since we always travel in the rickshaw, before I arrived my family happened to meet a very nice rickshaw driver whose name is Amjid. He is a very nice, caring, respectful, and trustworthy man. Before we had to go anywhere my sister called on his mobile and he would come to our door. We all felt very safe sitting in his rickshaw. It’s very hard to find nice and trustworthy people in Karachi and he treated us like his own sisters. We feel blessed and lucky we found Amjid.

            I happened to meet a very nice and educated couple who are involved with helping girls to get education and raise medical awareness. I talked to both of them for almost an hour or more and I truly enjoyed it. They are very open minded and down to earth people. Our conversation was very educational and respectful. I also noticed when his wife wanted to say something he was very respectful toward her and listened to her carefully.

            My Ami didn’t have medical insurance; of course my sisters and I wanted Ami to get the best treatment she could receive. She was treated in a privately funded hospital. But we noticed that every time Ami went to see the doctor or when we took her to the emergency room, the doctors wouldn’t even look at her until we paid her fee in advance. Two days before Ami passed, she had a heart attack. My sister went to get a local doctor so at least he could check on her and tell us what was happening. This was our very first time meeting with this doctor, he was very nice and caring. When he was leaving my sister offered to pay him but he refused to take it. We asked him to come back and check on Ami again and he did. When he was leaving I offered him money and he turned his head away so he wouldn’t see how much money I was holding. Then he said to me, “I don’t charge people but if you guys really want to pay me, there is a donation box inside of my clinic. You can put it there and that’s how I take care of people”. We were in shock. We thanked him and later went to his clinic and put money in the donation box.

            Another beautiful thing I noticed in Karachi and truly loved, people always eat together either inside their homes or in restaurants. They all bring their food in their shop and sit together on the floor and eat and talk with each other. And while they are eating they don’t close their business instead customers see them and respectfully wait for them to finish their meal. Even in their homes people wait until the last person sits down and eat together and also share food with each other. The unity and care towards another human being makes me really admire them. I guess that’s something I missed in the States because I always see people eating separately, eating in front of the TV, and while driving. I read somewhere, “The family that eats together stays together”. I grew up like that. My mother would never let anyone start eating until the last person sat down. And I kept the tradition in my home too. But sad to say I noticed not many American families eat together. I wish we would.

            No place is perfect and there are good and bad people in every nation. Yes, Karachi is an unsafe place and our media shows all the bad things happening there but I know good things are happening there too.  There are many unsung heroes making a difference everyday in someone’s life. I wish the media would start showing the good things that are happening in Pakistan as well. And what choices do they have, they have to live in that unsafe environment and have to get up every day and go to work each day and make it though with hope.

            I know lots of people say negative things about Pakistan and other countries where they are having problems and it’s very easy to say negative things about the country until your own family lives there and they don’t have the choice to leave the place but to make it each day.