Culture shock

Culture shock

            I am dealing with culture shock just like I do every time I go back to Pakistan. I had been preparing myself before I left the States. My culture shock began on the airplane from Abu Dhabi to Karachi. The woman who was sitting next to me was from Pakistan. We didn’t have much conversation but just a simple hello and how are you. She didn’t ask me any personal questions. My daughter was sitting on my other side and at some point I got up to go to the bathroom, when I came back she (Pakistani woman) went to the bathroom. When I sat down my daughter told me that after I left she asked about her father and if she had any brothers. My daughter was feeling a little bit uncomfortable and I also I didn’t like what she asked, but that was my wake up call. This is how Pakistani culture is, they ask personal questions to children instead of adults knowing that children won’t lie.
 

We entered the Karachi Airport and there was no system going on. Everyone was trying to find where they were supposed to go, there were signs but nobody was working there to help out. Finally when we figured out which line we were supposed to go to for immigration. Other people were coming straight through the line and cutting in front of others. It was chaos. We are all very tired and wanting to see our loved ones and as an international airport, it should be more comfortable and accommodating to travelers. Nothing had changed since I had been here 7 years before.

            Besides traveling problems there were other things that I had to adjust to. I was shocked and a little ashamed to find out that in some ways things had gotten worse. Pakistani people have a naturally darker skin tone. But most people don’t accept that and do what they can to try and light their skin. They want to be fair instead of tan. I didn’t like it at all. My skin tone hasn’t changed in the last 23 years and I don’t care if it does or not. Some people that I met on my trip who hadn’t seen me in many years said that I had gotten a lot darker. Before even saying hello or asking how I was that was the comment I received. The first few times I didn’t know how to respond and was trying to understand how this was an okay thing to say. But after some time when someone pointed it out, I laughed and joked about it. Being fair skinned is considered beautiful for women. It was sad for me to see that they were stuck on skin color and couldn’t get pass that to look at the person not what they look like. I even saw lots of TV commercials about face cream to change your darker skin tone to fair skin.

            I guess when you are living with the same kind of mentality people then you don’t look at certain things with different perspectives. Many people wouldn’t think before they said something to others. For example if someone had gained weight they don’t hesitate to tell that person no matter what their age. When I first heard my mouth dropped and I was amazed at how rude it was, but then again I have a different perspective on it. My daughters are in their late teens and so they get acne sometimes it’s only natural. Many times people came really close to their faces and put pointed it out to them and asked why I wasn’t doing anything about it. I found it very rude.  

            When I was growing up as soon as girls turned 16 or 17 the family focus shifted into getting a marriage proposal.  Arranged marriages are still common but I also saw that in the new generation they choose who they want to marry but with family’s permission. When people met my girls the focus shifted to my oldest daughter who was the pretty one because she is fair skinned. Not many people were interested to get to know about their studies but they asked me when your girls were going to get married. My answer was that first they need to finish their education and then whatever they decide I will support. I know many of them didn’t like my answer.  

            I tried my best to accept the culture and the mentality but I couldn’t. Now as an adult I could see the huge black and white difference between ways of thought. Yes, life is very hard in Pakistan no question about it, but I believe if we can’t control our surroundings, we still have control on ourselves.  Instead of waiting for girls to get married I believe in letting them go to school if they want or starting a career. If they can go to college why not let them.

            Pakistan is still under construction and the poverty level is still pretty high and we all know that politically the country is not doing well. Yet in some ways they have everything, for example every person had a cell phone.

            I saw that littering hasn’t changed at all either. At the end of every street, garbage is piled up and people have no choice to walk and inhale it.  Living in the US we are so used to putting garbage into the garbage cans. But first when we arrived there are no garbage cans. People open things and just throw the garbage on the street. It bothered my girls and I. We carried our empty wrappers in our purses and when we got home we would throw it away. My family laughed at me for doing this but I didn’t care.  I don’t understand why people can’t see throwing garbage on the street as bad and unsanitary.

            These are some of the major culture shocks I noticed but in detail there are a lot. There is no question that the States is better off compared to Pakistan. And I am not saying that the States is the best place on the planet, we have problems but they aren’t at this level. We were there for a month and it was very hard for me leave my family behind especially my sick mother. I wish I could have brought everyone here with us.  No matter what Pakistan is my Birth country but the US is my home.