This story is about my older sister, who deserves a remarkable introduction but I don’t have the words to describe her. She is one of those women who we call an unsung hero. She’s the backbone of the family, the strongest daughter, and can handle pretty much anything. She’s gone through a lot in life but is always smiling, and is always ready to help others; she has the biggest heart of all, the best sister, daughter, and the best mother in addition to many other things.
This remarkable woman’s name is Sultana. She is the mother of two daughters. We sisters gave her a nickname (Tana short for Sultana) when we were young kids. Tana and I have 5 years age difference. For some reason when I was a child I was pretty attached to her. As a young girl she was very shy and mature girl and had a few good friends. She was focused and a very good student. Since she was the oldest when she turned 16 her marriage proposal came. I don’t know what she was thinking, whether she wanted to get married or not but she knew she didn’t have a say in that matter. She didn’t say anything to our mother or our uncles. She agreed without knowing anything about her future husband and at the age of 16 she was forced to quit school and become a wife.
Tana’s husband was 13 years older than her. He was from a very nice family. He had a decent job and not very much education. From early on in the marriage he didn’t give her the respect a wife should receive from her husband. He was abusive toward her as well. Tana never complained to our mother or but kept dealing with his abuse. The same year that she got married she become a mother and then the following year had her second daughter. She was married to her husband for 13 years. And all those years she was a faithful wife to her husband. Even though she knew her husband was wrong, she followed religious and cultural beliefs. I believe that since she was the oldest she was worried for us her sisters. She knew the culture she was living in. Our mother was already a widow and barely surviving. If she took any step to leave her husband, people would judge her sisters and mother. She didn’t want that and so she took all of his mental and physical abuse. She never blamed our mother or anything else but accepted her fate. I have so much respect for Tana for doing that, it was a very selfless thing to do.
Her husband had anger issues and his ego was huge. Early on something happened between him and our uncle (who took care of us) and it was extremely hard for him to let it go. He took out his anger on his wife, kids, our mother and on all of us sisters. He was a very controlling man. He didn’t have much to control but whatever control he had he used. He didn’t let his kids and Tana come visit us for 8 long years. We weren’t welcome at their home either. It was the most difficult time for all of us, especially for Tana and our mother. Since she was a faithful wife, she and the kids never came to visit us behind his back or did anything to made him more upset. We didn’t know how she lived those 8 years without seeing family, it wasn’t until my recent visit she started sharing with me and to her daughters about everything. She kept it all inside this whole time.
I remembered how much our mother had shed tears and prayed to God for us to be united again. She utterly missed her daughter. One day suddenly her husband had a heart attack and later died with heart failure. They were renting a home and he didn’t leave anything behind for his wife or for his daughters. Culturally back then if something happened to the son in-law, daughters could move back to their parent’s home. Tana and the kids came back for good. On my recent visit, we were sitting and talking and suddenly Tana said to me, “When I couldn’t come home to visit Ami and all of you, I always prayed to God that when my Ami needs me please make me available to be there for her”. I felt the pain in her words. Until then we never shared anything about those 8 years. The pain is still raw. I was surprised and it was hard to hear something like that from her mouth. Tana and I both had tears in our eyes. Who would have thought that one day Tana would be primarily the one to take care of Ami?
One of our cousins grew up with us and we are the only family she has. Many years ago, she found out she had breast cancer and Tana took care of her and provided as much assistance as she could. Ami was there but she was getting old and she trusted Tana more than anyone. She went through chemo therapy and while she was getting treatment, Tana welcomed her at our home with her three kids and took care of her for two months. A few years later we found out our very eldest sister had to get her uterus removed. Her condition was getting serious and dangerous. Tana also took care of her like her own child and is still doing it. She saw how Ami lived without a man being in the house, and so she became the man of the house. She takes cares of every single thing without anyone’s help.
She was only 29 years old when she became a widow. But she put herself on the back burner and took over all of Ami’s and the home’s responsibility like any good child would do. Right away she learned how to deal with people and especially men in male dominated country. Older woman get respect but young women don’t and it’s sad to say that most of the people look at young woman as entertainment and objectify them. But even in such a society with that type of mentality Tana taught them how to treat her with respect and make sure they all stayed within their boundaries. I applaud Tana, what she did and is doing is not easy but she is a walking testament to what can be done.
Tana also did a remarkable job in how she raised her daughters. They are beautiful girls from inside to the outside. She provided them with education, her eldest daughter has a Bachelor’s Degree and her youngest has an MBA. While she was taking care of everything she also wanted to go back to school and be independent. She started from the basics. She chose to work in the medical field and today 10 years later her job is secure and she has been supporting her family and Ami all this time. It’s pretty remarkable to do these things given the cards that were dealt her and in Pakistani culture.
Her prayer was to be there when Ami needed her. She and her daughters were there every single day 24/7 for whatever Ami needed until she passed away. And I can say for sure that if Ami was still alive or had lived 5 more years paralyzed, I have no doubt Tana and her daughters would have taken care of her with love and smiles.
Today she is still living and will always live at our Ami’s home with her daughters and our oldest sister. She is still taking care of responsibilities and working full time. I am proud to say that Tana is my older sister and I have so much respect and love for her. She is beyond just a strong woman. I wish her all the happiness in this world and wish the rest of her life will be peaceful and happy. You can name any problem and Tana will have made it through that hard time with flying colors, and that’s why when I look at her I see true beauty from ashes.
While I was there visiting my family I observed Tana and I noticed that she doesn’t sleep like others do for a full 6-8 hours but she sleeps like a tiger. She isn’t fully asleep and is always alert. She is always top of everything. I also noticed that since her job is related to the medical field, she goes to low-income areas and educates women about birth control, hygiene, disease and gives children polio shots. So from her work she always has basic over the counter medicine. While I was there for 6 weeks I saw many times women came looking for Tana asking for advice and seeking medical help. She was always ready to help anyone with anything they needed. They respected Tana a lot and call her “ baji” which means older sister. She has huge heart, if she noticed someone needing help in any capacity she always helped them. She is a remarkable woman. She is handling all of her responsibilities beautifully and has found a great balance. That’s my Tana.
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