My Hajj

My Ammie was a Muslim woman. And she practiced it every single day until she died. But there was one pillar of Islam called Hajj, which is the last pillar of Islam. She always wanted to do that. That was her wish before she died. Here is where you can learn about what Hajj is;  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hajj. Growing up I knew that was her last wish but due to her social, economic and religions requirements, she couldn’t go to  Saudi Arabia to do her Hajj. Many Muslim women and men--- young and old--- who have gone to Hajj before say when they went they felt a very strong connection toward the religion and felt it was their calling and nothing could stop them.

For some reason I have not felt that connection or calling to go to Hajj, but three years ago, after 7 years of not visiting family in Karachi, I was planning on visiting my Ammie with my girls, but something inside of me told me that instead of us going to Karachi I should send Ammie to Hajj. When I talked to her about it, of course she got pretty excited and happy. But for religious reason Ammie couldn’t go all by herself or with me. Due to the religious requirements women have to be with a male figure whom she can’t  marry. I happen to have a cousin who was living in Saudi Arabia. I called him, and he and I were planning Ammie’s hajj a while; she had a massive stroke, and of course she left this world without going to Hajj.

When I find out about Ammi’s stroke I couldn’t stop myself from being with her. I left the USA as soon as I could so I could be with her. Shortly after that, she started recovering  a little bit, and at some point I had to come back to the states. Before I left I didn’t have much hope for her long life, and like it or not I had to be honest with myself and I said goodbye to Ammie  forever and came back.

I didn’t have any plans to return after this trip. I dreamed about getting a call from my family and finding out she passed away. But that didn’t happen. Ammie started having small strokes, and her health started going down in no time. In June 2014 she went in vegetative coma. I had no plan at all for going back to Karachi but once I heard that, I couldn’t stop myself from being with her. It was like she was calling me, and I couldn't wait to leave everything here and just go. And that’s exactly what I did. I didn’t care about anything else, but she was calling me. And I had to go. The peace I received being with her is  indescribable. I saw  my Ammie was in a coma and pain was in pain, but I tried my best to provide comfort as much as possible for her. I feel pretty lucky and blessed she died right in front of my sisters, nieces and me. And my heart tells me that, that was my Hajj.

Before I started writing this column I’m fully aware many people might not agree with me or they might get upset, but my request for those people is please read my entire column and try to understand from my side but if you can’t that’s completely OK with me, and I will respect that. Personally I try to avoid  writing about anything related to religion because to me religion is personal, and everyone is entitled to have their own opinion. And I don’t like to create any negative issue related to religion. I love everyone regardless of their beliefs.