Not long ago my friend and I were having a conversation during dinner and she was telling me the guy she was seeing. She seemed pretty happy to me and she liked everything about him and believed he also feel the same way about her. But she asked me, “how do you know if they’re the one for you?
Her question made me think. At what point do people say their significant other is the one. Yet, with so many people getting married under the impression that they’ve in fact met the one, the divorce rate is incredibly high in the US. She told me they met each other 9 years ago and the chemistry has been strong from day one. They have both been married before and have kids. When she first met him she had recently been divorced and wasn’t even thinking about another romantic relationship. After meeting he tried to tell her that he had feelings for her, but she wasn’t looking for that kind of relationship. He respected her decision and they became good friends.
She also found him attractive from the beginning, not just physically, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually. However, she didn't want to take the risk in case he was not the one for her. In addition, she wanted her focus to be only on her kids. Over time she realized, now that I have raised my kids, living alone can be lonely. I want to be someone who also wants to be with me. He was and still feels very strongly towards her, it didn’t take long for them both to become closer to each other.
I have heard this question about “the one” from many people.
My first marriage was arranged, but here in America people choose who they want to be with. I am not a relationship expert, but when my friend asked me that question, I didn’t have an answer for her. Since I haven’t experienced it myself, I told her that she would know when the time was right.
Honestly my own answer didn’t satisfy me. Perhaps when the first marriage fails, people become more protective and want to make sure they aren’t making the same mistake they did the first time. I understand that but isn’t life a little like gambling? You have to take a risk, otherwise you’ll never know.
Should we be overanalyzing and overprotective before we are 100% they are our soul mates? We can’t predict the future, to me it comes down to each person in the relationship nothing else really matters.
I have heard people even say that both parties should be on the same page to move forward in their lives together. I understand that, but every situation is different. Two people can care deeply about each other but their at different points in their lives. Some couples dates for many years but as soon as they get married they can’t live together and get divorced. What changes?
Beauty, attraction, status are great but the actual person isn’t made up of all of that. We should try to look at the person closely apart from everything else, maybe then our choices and feelings will be made clear. In my opinion, both people should feel complete and happy within themselves first. If you aren’t happy with yourself, you can’t make another person happy. It’s absolutely impossible.
The uniqueness of people is that we don’t all want the same things. For me true love is putting the other person’s desires and needs first. We find different qualities and characteristics more or less attractive, but underneath it all everyone wants to feel happy and loved.
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