Singing Butler
One
weekend not too long ago, I went to the shopping mall to look around, and have
a good time. I walked by one of the art galleries. I wasn’t planning to go
inside the store, but when I looked inside, I saw Jack Vettriano’s painting,
“The Singing Butler,” hanging on a wall with lots of other nice paintings. That
was my first time seeing his painting. I couldn’t stop myself from going inside
the gallery. Once inside, I kept looking at it. I had seen romantic paintings
but nothing like this one before. Everything about “The Singing Butler” was
fascinating to me. There were many more nice paintings at the store, but “The
Singing Butler” was the only one which attracted me. After I left the gallery,
I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
I like how Jack
Vettriano describes the idea of love and romance in “The Singing Butler” very
elegantly in a sophisticated way. The couple is dancing in a passionate but
formal way by the shore. There is no living thing around them except their maid
and a butler. It’s a near-rainy condition, cloudy and very windy. The couple is
so involved with each other they don’t care what’s happening around them. The
lady has a beautiful, elegant red evening gown on. She has no sandals or shoes
on. She doesn’t seem like she cares. Her feet are in the water, but she sure
seems like she’s enjoying it. During their dance, her body leans toward him
passionately and in a very elegant way. He has a sharp tuxedo on and looks very
handsome and the way he is holding her is in a very chaste, romantic, and
charming way.
On the right side
of the couple, their butler is standing and singing for them, standing enough
distance away so that the couple has room for dancing around. The butler is
also holding an umbrella for them at the left side of the couple. Their maid is
also standing and holding an umbrella for them in one hand and trying to hold
her hat in the other hand. She doesn’t look comfortable because of the rainy
weather. But the couple seems fine. They are so involved in each other. They
also seem very relaxed and in control like nothing can stop them from dancing.
The artist didn’t show their eyes or facial expressions, but their body
language suggests they are in deeply love and enjoying each other’s company
very much.
The Singing Butler
reminded me that as a child growing up, I watched romantic movies and read
romantic novels. That left a big mark on me. Without knowing anything about my
future husband, I started falling in love with his image. We were in love and
we don’t care what was happening around us looking very dashing and perfect.
One day when I got
home from school, my mother said, “Go change and freshen up. Someone is coming
to see you today.” I had had a long day at school and had so much homework to
do, but I also knew this day was coming. I was 16 and finishing high school
when my husband‘s marriage proposal came for me. I had never met him before.
This was his first time visiting Pakistan
since he moved away. During his stay in Pakistan,
he came to our home with his father to visit us. He saw me and asked his father
to ask my mother and my uncle for my hand. My uncle took care of my sister and
my mother since my father passed away. My future husband’s appearance in my
life was like a Singing Butler character. The dancing gentleman was tall,
good-looking, smart, educated, and my future husband had all those qualities.
Neither my mother nor anybody else asked me how I felt about him, even though
if she had asked me I couldn’t say no because I didn’t have any choice. My
mother’s role was like the maid in the picture. She gave me shelter, took care
of me, stood by me, but she herself was weak and wasn’t strong enough to
protect her own self. On the other side
my uncle’s role was strong, powerful and in control. He seemed like he knew
what he was doing like the Butler.
That’s why I assumed my family must have thought he was right for me. I was
young and had no idea about marriage at all. I didn’t even know much about him
especially what kind of person was he.
When I got married
my wedding dress was red like the lady’s in the Singing Butler. Growing up I
learned the color red symbolized love, passion, and power. When I got married
at that time Asian brides wouldn’t allow to wear any other color. But I didn’t
think at that time that color red also symbolize danger.
Before I came to
States I was excited but at the same time nervous. I had no idea what’s going
to happen to me, and how my life is going to be. I came to the United
States of America the same year I got
married. As soon as I arrived, I noticed that America
was a whole different country for me. At first I didn’t find any kind of
attraction besides the fact that my husband lived here. I noticed everything
was difficult and different, from wearing American clothes to talking to
Americans. But I tried my best to adopt everything for my husband. We were
legally husband and wife, but inside our house we were living like roommates.
We both had our charms like the Singing Butler characters. He was tall,
good-looking, smart, rich and from higher class. I was pretty, and attractive.
But even though I was unhappy the whole thirteen year of my marriage, I didn’t
want to give up my hope.
He had many
responsibilities for his parents and sisters; I thought that as soon as his
responsibilities were taken care of, everything would be fine. We would live
happily ever after just like fairytale movies. But I didn’t know that I was
living with in false hopes. He was a successful business man. Most of the
community members knew him. In a business world he was powerful and strong. But
at home he was pretty much always absent. So many times I hoped that he would
show up sometimes and surprise us, when my daughters and I would go to
somebody’s house or somewhere without him, but that never happened.
My husband
provided me all material things. I had a big and beautiful house to live in,
with all kinds of expensive furniture and other things, a nice car, money to
spend, but he himself wasn’t available to me. My fairy tale painted ended very
soon. An outsider point of view we had a perfect image like “Singing Butler.”
Our lifestyles and thinking, our viewpoints, were different. He was Americanized, and I was traditional. I
tried hard to fit in his world. But I never felt that I fit in it. He tried,
too, but he gave it up pretty soon. We both struggled. After everything I had
gone through, my husband gave me a divorce with two young girls.
July, 30 2002, I went to Montreal
with my girls to visit my sister for two weeks. I was glad to be home. I missed
my home and my husband. Next morning around 8am
I was making breakfast and was thinking there is no place like home. My husband
walked into the kitchen and said, without looking at me, “I need to talk to you
something.” I said, “What is it.” He said, “Not here.” Can we go somewhere
right now?” I looked at his face and I
saw no expression. I didn’t say anything to him but I thought he must have lost
money on business and he wanted me to know.
He had just started a new business and he had been struggling. I said, “Let me go and make sure your mother
can watch the girls for us.” She was at my house that time. He said, “Don’t
worry I already spoke to her. Let’s go.” He opened the front door as soon as he
could. I followed him. While we were walking I looked at him few times but he
didn’t say anything like he didn’t notice. He took me to the Lake
of The Woods Park
in his truck and started walking toward the bench who was by the lake. Before I
reached the bench, I looked around and the weather was beautiful, some people
were walking and I also saw a couple with young kids taking them to toward a
park.
He sat dawn on my
left side and started looking down like he was looking something. Soon as I sat
dawn, he looked at me, and the first sentence came out from his mouth was, “I
want a divorce.” As soon as his worlds went in to my ears, I couldn’t say anything.
My whole body got numb in second. Non-stop tears started coming. I couldn’t
believe it what I just had heard. I hardly could sit. My head was spinning. I
wanted to ask him so many questions that were coming on my mind. But I didn’t
know what to say. I was in shock. The only thing I could say to him was “But
why” and “No I can’t live without you.” Then I looked at him and pointed out to
the lake and said, with my tearful eyes and in hopeless voice, “Why you don’t
draw me in to lake, I will not complain then giving me a divorce.” I didn’t get
it. Why was it that he wanted divorced? I tried to talk to my husband out of
getting the divorce. But he did what he wanted. We got divorced.
I waited 14 years
for the Singing Butter romance in my marriage, but that never happened. My
husband and I, as a couple, were not so different when then compared to the
Singing Butler characters. We both had our charm. But now when I look at The
Singing Butler painting I look at it differently. First of all my position in
my marriage was weak; I was barefooted like a woman in Singing Butler. I didn’t
have support underneath my feet. I was
leaning on my husband open for him, to take me anywhere he would want to. I
didn’t know who I was. I was hiding in my marriage; I was physically there, but
my face was hidden. Just like a woman in Singing Butler.
At an early age,
from fairytale movies, and romantic novels, I thought my life was going to be
likes a Singing Butler. My handsome prince and I would be in love forever. But
now as an adult I understand that’s not a real love. Reality is far from fairytale. Those kinds of image only make people feel good for a short time or
make them escape from reality for a short time. Now for me love is not what we
see in movies or in a painting. Love is compromise, understanding, and
respecting each other's view points and also accepting the person as he/she
is.
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