A good attitude gives good results

Here comes the New Year with the New Year resolutions. The most popular resolution in the States is losing weight, especially for women. It’s no secret that the United States is at the top in obesity in the world. But the interesting thing is that at the same time, the United States is obsessed with being skinny.  

This article isn’t about how to lose weight. I am not interested in that at all. I am with you. I am also tired of seeing and hearing about how to lose weight. Instead of that, my focus is on how a good attitude gives good results, and that’s what I want to write about. The past is in the past and the brand-new year is right in front of us. Let's start with a good attitude so we can all start seeing good results. I am not a doctor or a therapist, but I have lots of life experience with many different things in life, and that’s what I am interested in writing about.

First of all, we know we are all different. Our genes are different, and because of our genes, everyone's mind and body works differently compared to others'. That’s not a bad thing. It’s actually a good thing because that makes each of us unique. I have five sisters raised by the same parents, but all of us are very different in everything from our looks to our way of thinking.

The very first things I would like to say is that it’s very important to accept who we are, our gender, age, surroundings, social status, and even where we live geographically. Acceptance is the most basic but a very powerful tool for a successful life. Please stop resisting whatever it is that’s bothering you and try your best to overcome it. We can all wish for a different body type or a different environment or a  higher paying job or to live in a totally different place. But that’s all an illusion. The reality is and always will be that we can’t change who we are, so acceptance is for our own benefit. We have to accept who we are and where we are in life. Before I go deeper, I would like to make a few things clear. One is that what might work for me may not work for you or vice versa. And some of us need more help than others. And we aren’t all motivated, and some people’s  willpower isn’t as strong as others'.

Now I would like to share something personal. Fourteen years ago, when I was going through a divorce, I was a complete mess. I didn’t want a divorce/change even though I was unhappy, but I was comfortable where I was. So I started  resisting, and I was in a complete denial for a long time. My emotions were all over the place. Many caring people asked me to go see a doctor. And I listened to them. The very first thing my doctor wanted me to do was to start taking anti-depression medication. I took her advice, and I started feeling a little bit normal (whatever normal means). But since I was journaling, one day I said to myself, “Wait a minute. Why am I numbing my body and my brain with chemicals? I am human, and I am supposed to feel the emotions I am feeling." Something also told me that if I let my brain  and my body be numb with the chemicals and didn't feel emotion/pain then, at some point in my life, I would have to deal with it. And that could be 10, 20 years down the road. I decided not to take the medication and deal with the emotions at that time rather than later.

It wasn’t as easy as it sounds. I struggled for a long time, but I knew that I was doing the right thing.  I am not against Western medication at all. Some people definitely need it. But I also believe that  there are many other ways we can learn how to control our brain chemicals. Here are a few examples: eating the right food, laughter, being positive, being around positive people, being thankful, not comparing oneself with others, realizing that less is more, continuing to try, living in the power of now, listening with full attention, helping others, not playing the victim, not passing judgement at all, and any kind of exercise whether it’s martial arts, yoga, Tai Chi, or simply walking.   

The reason I shared my personal story with you is that that was my first time dealing with something I didn’t want and was forced to accept, but at the same time, that was also my first time getting to know myself and finding out my weaknesses and my strengths. And I allowed myself to feel all the emoticons I was feeling, and that’s how I also learned how strong I am. Until then I didn’t know that.

There was a time when technology wasn’t common for an ordinary person. But now that is not the case. The entire universe of information is in our hands, our smart phones. Now, it's up to us how we decide to live our life. Before you make your New Year resolutions, take your time, think carefully, and please make realistic goals. Whatever your resolution is, believe in yourself, believe that you can achieve it. If one of your goals is to lose weight, please DO NOT focus on losing weight. We humans are very interesting creatures. We are attracted to what we can’t have. So shift your focus from losing weight to being happy and healthy.

I want to add another thing here that is very important: that is to eat the right food. I am privileged to have been born in Pakistan. Pakistani cuisine is known for its spices. The spices benefit health and prevent many illnesses. Now these days it’s not hard to find any kind of food from any country near our home, so you can try it. If you don’t know how, please google Pakistani recipes or ask around. The health benefits go a long way. This is how I look at it: When I eat the right food, that shows that I respect my body and I also care about my health. And also that I am important for myself. Not everyone has perfect health, but whatever health issue you have, learn about it and see how you can overcome it instead of letting the issue become your identity.

I remember when I was growing up having a stomach ache all the time. When I was around twelve years old, I was admitted to the hospital for a week for having a really bad stomach ache. What I remember is that the doctor told my mother that “your daughter is very sensitive and she takes everything seriously and her pain is caused by an ulcer.” And he also told my mom that this was something I would have to deal with for the rest of my life. I don’t know if he was right or wrong, but I sure remember having a stomach ache all the time. But as I started growing up and started learning about healthy food habits and a healthy lifestyle, I took a 180-degree turn. Now, I don’t even remember the last time I had a stomache. There are so many simple and easy ways to avoid pain and be healthy. I changed my diet. And I work out. On both my parents’ side we have high blood pressure, diabetes, and heart problems. I am about to turn 45 years old, and I have perfect health. Last year, when I had my physical, my doctor said to me, “You don’t need to take vitamins since you are getting all the vitamins you need from your diet.”  

It doesn’t matter at all what your age is, either. It’s about having a healthy lifestyle, following your passion, wanting to move, or whatever it is that matters to you. Start taking  care of yourself now. And take full responsibility for your choices and stop making excuses. Time is passing by, and each year we aren’t getting younger but older. Don’t waste another year and still be standing in the same place as you are today in 2017. You aren’t fooling anyone but yourself. Everything starts on the inside. Once we fix the inside, the outside will automatically fall into place. Remember: A good attitude gives good results!

Are we moving forward or backward?

There was no Pakistan before 1947. Pakistan was part of India. After a very long religious struggle from both sides, Hindu and Muslim leaders both decided to give a birth to Pakistan, a Muslim country where Muslims can live with full religious freedom and Hindus can have freedom in India. There was no pressure on anyone which country to live. You can read more about it here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Independence_Day_(Pakistan)  

I believe my Ami was under 10 years old when her and her entire family migrated from India to Pakistan for the religious freedom. Growing up, I have heard horrible sad stories of inhumanities in the name of religion. Since Pakistan was born from India, Pakistan share the same culture, languages and even of courses, Pakistanis and Indians all look alike.

  I am the first generation of Pakistan. Growing up in Karachi, Pakistan, I heard and experienced how much hatred Pakistanis had toward Indians. And I have heard Indians also feel same way about Pakistanis. It was or may be still just about the religion, but then it becomes more strong hatred toward each other about everything, such as food, sports and making friends. Here is an example: I remember very clearly every time we were having cricket matches; of course Pakistan and India are both countries that are big into cricket matches. We pakistanis would rather lose to other countries but couldn’t afford to lose from India. It was and I know it’s still about ego. I remember so clearly it wasn’t just men watching the cricket matches; women and kids also sat down as a family and watched it together at home and prayed really hard not to lose against India. And when Pakistan lost the game, it was like someone had died. You could see the strong hatred so openly and clearly. This is just a one example of hatred.

As I started growing up, I never liked the feeling to hatred toward other human being who I haven’t even met. When I had my own kids I decided to break the circle, and I didn’t let my girls to divide people based on their skin color, nationality or religions beliefs. I believe we parents aren’t just raising a child; we are raising a future generation.

Without going into the polities and seeing right now what’s happening all around the country, it took me back to the past, hatred toward India. It’s making me think, are we mowing forward or mowing backward? We are all human and God made all of us. I believe we should judge a person based on her or his character, not based on her or his skin color, gender, status and nationality. Please be very careful about the attitude and the words we use around our kids toward other persons. Our words are very powerful; use it wisely.

"I have decided to stick with love…Hate is too great a burden to bear.". ~ Dr. Martin Luther King

Taking my 2016 inventory

Is it just me or time is flying by. It seemed like we just started 2016 but we are already into end of 2016. As you know, I like to do my whole year inventory. I like to see did I grow, made progress and where am I heading from here.

January: One of our very close family member passed away. That was a shock.

And I started teaching tae kwon do.

February: My birth month. The moment my entire family has been waiting for since 2004, we received my sisters immigration letters. It says now it’s time for their turn, start collection all the legal documents.

March: March was a smooth month.

April: We had a addition to our family. My niece gave birth to a baby boy name Nooh Ahmed in Canada. He sure fulfilled our Ami’s absence.

May: Mother’s day!

June: This was my very first time I went to Los Angeles. The words can’t describe how proud we parents feel when we see our kids graduating from the college. My oldest daughter, Iman, made me extra proud of her.

July! In July right before Iman was supposed to come back home she got a decent job at her university. Blessings.

August: My youngest daughter, Herrah, turned 21 years old. It was a huge deal to me and to my family because last year she got pretty ill. She didn’t quit because she is a fighter and she came out more mature and stronger then ever. Also she found out that she got an internship in Washington D.C. And moved to D.C for the entire semester.

September: I met people from Brazil. And we become friends.Their positive energy, attitude, humbleness and gratitude helps me become better human being.

October: D.C is one of my favorite city in the States. I went to see Herrah in D.C. It was great to see her and her life there. She was blossoming.

November: The most important month of the year! Thanksgiving! I was thankful for every single small and big things and people, friends and family around me. Also since February I have been working on my sister's immigration papers. Finally I got a letter from National visa center saying “Your sisters’ files are completed”. It meant we didn’t need anymore documents from me. At this point we are waiting for their interview letters. The words can’t describe how relieve I was.

December: Both of my girls are home, and we spending holidays and starting our New Year together.

I glimpsed big events around for each month. And I combined 365 days into one or two  pages. There was many days from almost each month of the year it seemed like never end and there was days I didn’t wanted to ended. But the bottom line is that’s life. Until the end we will have good and bad days. And it’s up to us, which days and how long we want to stare at. What’s done is done; we can’t go back and change but we can learn from it and make better choices for the future. And also mowing forward it a better choice then stuck in the past.

Let me take all of the labels off of me and tell you how was my year: As I promised to myself beginning of the 2016 I will not check my weight but to focus on healthy lifestyle I am proud to say I am into healthy eating and working out people’s categories. Also I created my entire surrounding with healthy, positive, caring, uplifting and good truly caring people. I feel blessed to have a job, beautiful coworkers, friends, family, health and the most important thing my healthy mind, soul and the caring heart.  

Over all my 2016 was a good year. And I hope you also had a good year, and let's hope that 2017 will be also a good year for you and your family!  

What are you thankful for?

Next week is Thanksgiving. Most of us look forward to the American thanksgiving holiday! Not all -- but most of us -- will be off from work. Many people have travel plans and be with there family and friends. And the stores are full of Thanksgiving things. Everywhere we look, around we see excitement and preparations for the holiday.    

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays! The reason is because it doesn’t belong to one culture or one religion. It belongs to all of us: Young, old, male, female, black, white, brown, American-born and even to every single immigrant here in the USA. It is a beautiful tradition, and I hope it will stay like that forever. I wonder how many of us know the history of Thanksgiving. Here is the link you can read all about it. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thanksgiving_(United_States)

While we are celebrating Thanksgiving with our love ones, let's not forget there are so many people who doesn't have family and friends who love and care about them. Let’s not forget to include them. And there are also many people who have family and friends but for some reason they can’t be with them. Let’s include them, too, and make them feel part of your family. It may not mean a lot to you, but I know it will mean a whole lot to them. I am one of those who will be alone this thanksgiving not because I don’t have family or friends; no, I am pretty rich in that area. For some personal reasons my girls and I cannot be together on this year’s Thanksgiving. Look how blessed I am: Six different of my  beautiful, loving, caring, sweet friends have invited me into their homes with their families to celebrate Thanksgiving with them. It means so much to me. And you know who you are. On this Thanksgiving,  I thank you from bottom of my heart and am truly thankful for your friendship. People like you make this world more beautiful.

I absolutely love everything about Thanksgiving but I wish instead of family and friends meeting once a year,  we could make time to meet often and be thankful everyday,  not just once a year.

If you are one of those people who feel like nothing is working toward you and you have nothing to be thankful for, please take a moment and look around you again.

There is always, always, always something to be thankful for. :-)

My country's music came to my back yard

Sept. 9 was my very first time going to Krannert Center for their opening night. I didn’t know what to expect, except I knew there would be a different kind of band playing.  Krannert is one of my favorite place in town. When I walked in, the lobby was full of people, there were many different kinds of food, and a band was playing. I ran into many familiar faces and I was enjoying my time there.

After I walked around with my friends, we decided to listen to the band and have a good time. I wanted to see which band was playing. Before even I looked up, I heard the drums beating, and right away I knew they were playing Indian music. The sound of drums beating took me back to back home. It was so nice to hear my own country’s music. Soon I learned that the band called Red Baraat, and they came from Brooklyn, N.Y. Red Baraat’s energy was great, and the songs they sang were in my native language.

When we immigrants left our birth county, it was a huge part of us we leave behind. When we see the native food we grow up with, we get excited about it. Also the people who speak same language feel connected with each other. But with time we may lose the taste of our food and the language or the connection with others. But I must say the music you grow up will always stay with you.

We are very lucky to have krannert within our reach. When I heard Red Baraat at karannet, it was like having my country’s music take me back to my background. It’s not like I haven’t heard my native language’”s live music before. Yes, I have but in the big city, not in Urbana. One of the downsides of living in a small town is things are limited. If you want more experiences then you have to travel, and that takes planning. But I was really proud and happy to see the band at Krannert. Yes, this is a small time but sometimes small town surprise you, and that’s when  you appreciate your small town. I know I do.   

Making me think

I have chosen not to write about the politics and the race issues, not because, I am afraid to give my opinion but because I am not sure through my writing people will fully understand my message without jugging me or missing my point. I am not prejudiced toward any race or religion. And yes, my birth country is Pakistan, but my home is the U.S.A. Without going into the politics and racial issues, I recently started thinking about what is happening around us and am I making a mistake to bringing my family here in the USA?

My family and I have been separated for the last twenty six years. In 2004 I applied for my sisters’ immigration. Twelve years later their turn come, and right now I am working really hard to bring them here. The immigration visa process is very long and very stressful. But my focus has always been family being together. And I can’t wait until the day my entire family will be here with me. It’s almost to the end, but recently I started thinking that I hope I am not making a mistake. Here is why: The news is full of white people not treating blacks equally and especially how our white police officers are treating blacks. The election is nearby, and many people aren’t happy with our future Presidential nominees. The more I talk to people, the more I hear people are afraid of their future and really worried about the election and after the election. They are also worried  about where the United States is heading. We have a lots of issues.  

I moved here 26 years ago, and good or bad this is my home country. I am always comparing the United States with Pakistan because I haven’t been to any other county. The United States is a great county to live in with full freedom, and if you want to you can achieve any of your dreams.

My sisters’ lives are about to take a huge turn. They will be leaving their birth country. Now they are in their middle age, and it will be an adjustment for all of us, but especially for them. We are all aware of that. But we are all very excited because family will be together. But should I be worried about bringing my sisters to the United States while people are not getting treated equally and most of the American are afraid of the future president. Even if I am making a mistake, only time will tell, but my heart is saying no, I am not making a mistake. I am all about family, and please keep praying that my my sisters will pass their visa interview and they will all be here soon.

How to handle stress

By nature I am a very understanding and a positive person. I don’t stress out easily, unless I feel extremely overwhelmed, and even at that point I try my best to handle things calmly. The people around me would not be able to tell if I am overwhelmed unless I tell them. I can hide it very well. But I am human and I don’t always win.

Not too long ago, I had days where I reached my limit and couldn’t take it anymore. One by one, things started going wrong. And I was very stressed and felt overwhelmed. When I reached that level, even at that time, I know that’s not me and I just needed to hang in there, but that hanging in there time is very hard to do. I am sure many of you can relate to me.

They say when you are under stress or not feeling well, don’t make any big decisions. There is a reason for that because our thinking aren’t clean and we decide things based on our emotions,  which is so true. And what did I do? I decided to quit tae kwon do.

Tae kwon do (TKD) has been huge part of my life for a long time. For me TKD isn’t just a physical; it’s also a mind, body and soul exercise. The hour when I am doing TKD that’s the only time in 24 hours I am 100-percent present and I don’t think about anything else but I am fully present.

Due to feeling overwhelmed and stressed, I wasn’t getting enough sleep.I was worried about everything also being at TKD class on time. My body was feeling very tight, and my positive attitude was gone. I was eating unhealthy food. I didn’t feel like doing anything even sitting down and journaling. So what did I do? I decided to take a break from TKD. But before I did that, I talked to my instructor and explained to him what was going on. And I am thinking about taking a break.

My instructor’s name is Hany Youssef. He isn’t just a great instructor. He is also a very good human. He is also a family man and he understand life very well. He listened to me and then he said taking a break wouldn’t solve any of your issues but if you wanted to, you could try. But remember: Exercise always helps to reduce stress. He also said when we are under stress we forget proper breathing.  He said I should try to stretch three or four  times a day and especially before I go to bed, and that would help me to get a good night’s sleep. He also said at the end of the day, that’s life; we will all always have something to deal with, so instead of resisting, learn how to deal it.   

There was nothing he said to me I didn’t know already, but it was a good reminder. And he also pointed out whatever you do, don’t forget to enjoy. I agreed with him.

Many times I find myself focusing on the destination and I forget to enjoy the journey. The very simple things we can do to make our days and life better are slow breathing, laughter and drinking water. How simple and easy things are to do. But as human we get caught up on unnecessary things, and that’s when our focus shifts to things are not important. I need to keep reminding myself that stress isn’t my friend. And instead to worrying about the future, don’t forget to enjoy today and be in control.  

“Stress is not what happens to us. It’s our response TO what happens. And RESPONSE is something we can choose.”

– Maureen Killoran, life coach.

Summer is halfway over

Summer is the time many people start prepared themselves way ahead of time, so they can enjoy outdoor actives. Many women focused on their body and start losing weight or workout so they can look good when they put on a swimming suit. Different people focus  on different things and have different summer plans. But before we know it, summer is halfway over, and soon we will all be dealing fall/cold weather.
We all know the weather played a huge role in our body/lives. But if you are one of those who worked really hard for this summer, don’t let it waste it. And then start all over again next year. We all know how easy it is to get off the wagon. As soon as you realize it, get on it again. Try your best to eat healthy and workout. Anything is better than doing nothing.
And if you one of those people who had a plan to eat healthy and look good this summer and for whatever reason you couldn’t reach your goal, please don’t be discouraged. It’s is never too late to reach a person goal. Don’t let anyone or anything stop you. Take control of yourself and please don’t wait until next summer to start. Begin now because there is no tomorrow; what we have is today. They say whatever we eat, it shows.
Here is my half-year’s inventory. When 2016 started with many of my practical goals, I had a goal to get rid off my weight machine and focus on a healthy lifestyle rather than looking good only in the summer. It’s has been more than six months and I haven’t check my weigh. At the beginning it was hard because I was so used to checking my weight weekly and my focus was on the numbers. But I found out the healthiest people around me who inspired me make eating healthy and exercise part of their lifestyle not the summer goal only. And they are in control, not their weight machine.
I am proud to say that I am also part of healthy people category and I feel great from inside to out. Growing up I knew from both side of my  parents that I have diabetes and high blood pressure. Also I love sweets. Honesty, when I was in thirties, I was sure it was just matter of time my Doctor will tell me I have diabetes and high blood pressure. This year I turned 44 years and I have a perfect health due to my healthy lifestyle. My whole point of writing about myself is that you can also have good health and pain free life. As long as you want to.There is no magic. We all have to work hard to reach our goals. Don’t be discouraged. We still have half of 2016 left. Start today and believe in yourself. And also stop having excuses for yourself. And if you need help ask and believe you can do it.
 “Think you can, or think you can’t, you’re right”. Henry Ford

Honoring a special friend

Once upon a time, in 2002, I met a beautiful woman name Lana Malaise at the Lincoln Trail cafeteria. I was there to have lunch with my oldest daughter, Iman and she was there to have lunch with her oldest daughter, Tori Trout.

I was still pretty new to the community and was going through a divorce. It was Lana who reached out to me and introduced herself. It turned out that our girls were already friends. I found out that Lana and her two daughters Tori and Leslie, moved from Florida to Mahomet with her new husband. I also found out that she and her family were church-going family.

Lana is white American and a  strong Christian, and I am Pakistani, born into a  different religious belief.

Also, back then my broken English wasn’t good. Between us, though, nationality, religion, race and language were never an issue. It has been 14 years since we met, and I am looking forward to getting old with her. Yes, we met because of our girls, but we kept our friendship going even after our girls finished high school.

Where do I begin writing about this beautiful woman?  First of all, I feel blessed and lucky to have a friend like Lana. The more I got  to know her, the more I enjoyed her. And I am not just saying this;I have seen that she truly cares about other people. I am proud to say that she is a perfect example of a good Christian.

Lana was also a single mother for a while, so she truly understands how a single mom’s life is with the kids. She is someone who will never judge you, but try to understand and go out  of her way to help you out. I have had countless episodes when I so needed a shoulder to cry or someone just to be there, and every single time, there she was.

In the last fourteen years, Lana and I have gone through lots of ups and downs, from raising teenage girls to my mother’s sickness and death, and many more life issues. She is not selfish at all.

She will change her plans if someone really needs her. That happened to me, and later on I found out she had plans with her family. When I asked her, “Why did you change your plans?”  her answer was “This was more important.”    

Later on, Lana had two more daughters, Shelby and Christy, and they both grow up right in front of me. All four of Lana’s daughters are very beautiful, sweet, respectful, caring and loving like their  mother.

Her husband’s name is Rene Malaise. What a great guy he is. I don’t have a brother, but if I did, I wish he would be just like Renee. He is very down to earth, humble, caring, nice, soft spoken and willing to help anytime. Since I met him, which is many moons ago. Rene has been my handy man. I don’t have to think twice; I can just call or text him, and he is always available to help.

We all of us Lana and her family and us didn’t just welcome each other our hearts but also into our homes. When anything happening in their home, we were invited, and when anything happened to my place, they were the first people to get the invitation. In other words,

we become one big happy family.

Since both of my girls’ colleges are far from home, most of the time I am by myself. It wasn’t just on special occasion here and there Lana said to me, “If you don’t have any plans, come me join us.” She wasn’t feeling pity or sorry for me, she simply asked me like any family member would ask. We have spend countless days together and have traveled far away, too.

Last Thanksgiving was their last Thanksgiving here in Mahomet. My girls and I went to their home and we had Thanksgiving together.I am hoping our story doesn’t end here because Lana and her family moved back to Florida on June 3. Of Course I am going to miss all of them a lot. But I am really happy for them. And we will visit each other for sure and continue our friendship.

In life we meet so many people, but not  everyone stays with us. But there are some very special people who will always stay with you. Lana and her family are some of those special people. I love each of you, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being part of my and my girls’ life. Friends forever!  

Your wish is my command

At least five or six years ago, someone gave me a book called “The secret” as a gift. Back then I read it but I didn’t understand the concept behind it.I guess because I wasn’t ready. Not too long ago, I read it again, and this time everything made sense to me. It is based on the law of attraction and claims that positive thinking can create life-changing results such as increased happiness, health, and wealth.The more I was reading, the more I was agreeing. The secret used the concept a genie and Aladdin. The ginnie is the universe, and we are all Aladdin. We all have power to give an order to the ginnie for whatever we wish. And the ginnie’s (universe) job is to do it. The more I was reading, the more I was agreeing. Also I was looking at my past and present and I could see so clearly how the law of attraction works.

Not every situation is the same, but everything starts within us. Whatever we desire we should be clean and sure about. We order what we want and it’s not our job to figure it out how it’s going to happen. It’s the universe’s job to figure it out. Also believing and a positive attitude plays a huge role. If we want something we should believe we can have it and send a positive attitude toward it. We all can test our self and see how things turned out in our lives good or bad.

Five or six years ago, I had many doubts within myself. And that’s why when I read “The secret” I didn’t understand it. But the more I started letting go of my doubts and started believing in myself and changed my entire attitude from negative to positive, that's when things stopped falling apart. It’s almost like we set our goals, either passing or failing. In many situations it might not happen how we want it, but if we look closely, things will work out in our favor, whether it’s about losing weight, money, a job, relationships or whatever you desire. Here is my example: when I started working, which was only seven or eight years ago, I wished I could make $ amount. When I was reading “The secret” I realized for the last three years I was already making the amount I desired, which I didn’t even realize. Here is another examples: I envied people who work out, eat healthy food, are in control of their lives and helping others. Last year, I received my black belt in tae kwon do, which I so wanted and I worked my tail off to get it. A few months later people start envying me and asking me if I could teach them. For the last 5 months I have been giving private lessons and following my dream helping others. My list is too long about my personal examples.

My whole point in writing this column is don’t be afraid to ask for what you want, but before you ask, make sure this is something you really want and believe you can have it. And it’s yours. If you don’t believe it, how would others? And be honest with yourself. Think positive and don’t doubt yourself. It’s not our job to figure it out how will happen. It’s the universe’s job to do it. We are Aladdin and ginnie will do it for us. He always says, “your wish is my comment”.

What about happiness?

Yesterday was my oldest daughter’s Iman’s last day of her four years of college classes. No words can describe how happy and proud I am at Iman. As a mom,  I am extra proud because she finished her college in four years and she is the first child in the family graduating from  University of California Los-Angeles (UCLA).

Iman moved to UCLA for years ago. Iman and I talk on the phone, text or Facetime with each other pretty much every single day. We share our daily routine and are involved just like if she were still living home. But three or four months ago, I noticed that Iman seemed stressed and worried. When I asked her, at first she didn’t want to tell me and was making excuses. But later she broke down and said to me, “I don’t understand why every single person I talk to are all asking me, “what are you doing to do after graduation? Where are you going work”? She cried and was feeling   overwhelmed. I feel really sad and bad for her. I talked to her and helped her as much as I could. A month  ago, the same thing happened. But this time since Iman was so close to being done she had no motivation at all about school. But at the same time people were asking her about the next step of her life. If you have been to college or if you know someone who has, it’s very normal right before the semester is over or right before graduation that you are done. You have no motivation at all. I completely understood Iman. Each day you literally have to drag yourself.

Since Iman is my oldest daughter, anything she goes through is  my first experience, too. I realized that what people (mostly Americans) are  asking her and what Iman is going through is part of American culture. I never thought of it before. As soon as you finish college, right away you start working and not just working find a higher-paying job because competition is tough and the higher paying job you get is better for you, and that’s become your identity.

  Since I was born in Karachi. I could clearly see how differently  both cultures look at the same thing. I talked to Iman and said to her, “Take a break and look how far you have come. Most of the kids’ graduation is five years. You didn’t quit or dropped classes.You worked hard and soon you will be holding a diploma in your hands, and that college digreee NOBODY I mean NOBODY can take it from you. Also now you are one of the educated woman in this world. Do you have any idea how powerful power you have now”? Iman was crying the whole time while she was listening to me, but  before we hung up she said, “Thank you, Mom I am feeling much better now”. I didn’t say anything about job or money because I know my Iman; she is already applying, and right right I wanted Iman to enjoy this huge milestone of her life.

A few days later when Iman and I Facetimed, right away when I saw her face I could tell something was different about it, and she seemed happy. Before I even asked her she said to me, “Mom I have decided I want to be happy first and then a job and everything else”. I got teary eyes with the joy and said to Iman,”‘You are only 21 years old and you learned the most important thing in life is being happy”. Also  “ I am so proud of you”. She also said “I am looking for a job but I have faith I will find it”. I tod Iman, “I have no doubt that you will find it but right now enjoy your graduation”. .

From the Pakistani culture, perspective one thing at a time. The college graduation is a beautiful time of a child’s life. Of course work is important too, but don’t forgot to celebrate and from and then you have rest of your life to work. I never thought of it before, how differently both cultures look at the college graduation and how much pressure our kids here in  America feel about a job and making money. Very sad.

Personally I don’t like the idea  how much our kids feel pressure from the culture. They are only in their 20; how would they know what they want to do in the future.  I know for sure I didn’t know and I still don’t know. Life's a journey now a destination. Let’s be sensitive and careful when we ask college kids about their future. Let’s not put any kind  of pressure on them and but to show care and love and let them know it’s OK if you don’t have a job lined up before you graduate. Let’s celebrate you and your many years of hard work. There shouldn't be any kind of competition, and I hope our kids learn  the whole point of going to college is NOT getting a higher-paying job and that job should not be your identity. You yourself are a whole lot more than that. Being happy is the most important thing in life. After graduation their life goal  shouldn’t be finding a higher paying job where you might be making lots of money but miserable.

Don’t take me wrong and I know many of you students and the parents are thinking, “What about the college loan”?  I get that. Iman has a loan, too. All I am saying is don’t forget your child's well wishes, health, mental healthy and show love and care first. They have the rest of their life to pay back their  loan and work. But this time is very important and special. If we miss it we can’t bring it back. Be Happy!  

People care

This happened few weeks ago: I was on my way to Chicago to visit my daughter. I normally take Amtrak, which is very convenient. it wasn’t mine first time taking a train. A  train is almost always full. The passengers normally mind their own business and focus on their trip.

 The Amtrak person announced that a train should be here in 10 minutes or so. All the passengers got up and made a line and were waiting for the  train to arrive. I was pretty much all the way back. When I started putting my coat on, that’s when I noticed the guy front of me was looking at the right side and was pointing to the direction.

When I looked at his face, he looked really worried. And then suddenly everyone was looking at the same direction. The whole thing happened so quickly. The guy who was pointing to the right ran that way. I looked up to see what was going on. I saw a woman was sitting in the chair she had her purse on her lap. That made me think she was also a passenger. Her whole body was shaking and was about to fall. The guy who was front of me ran toward her as fast as he could before she would fall down. He helped her to lie down on the floor and turned her on her side. Then he started helping and talking to her as much as he could. Right away we all knew that she was having a seizure. Her eyes were kind of closed and she was out of it. Many people gathered around her. But sadly I would say the room was full of at least around 100 people. There was no a single doctor or a medical student. Right away the Amtrak guy called 911. I couldn’t think of  anything else but to be by her and help her. I also ran toward her and put my hands on her. I noticed she was trying to breath but was struggling. The entire room could hear how hard she was trying to get each breath. It was pretty scary. I wiped her mouth because she was bleeding. I tried to help her as much as I could.

Meanwhile the train arrived, and people started leaving. I didn't want to leave her like that, but I knew paramedics were on their way. I was almost the last person to leave, and the guy who jumped to help her first was still with her. I wondered if he missed his train or not.  

I was feeling guilty when I was leaving but I knew there was nothing else I could do more than what I already had done. When I was leaving that’s when I realized I didn’t have my purse or my bag around  me. It was far away from me. And nobody steal anything or moved my things. While I was sitting in the train, I couldn't stop thinking about her. And was hoping she got  help on time and was OK. Also the guy who helped her what an angel. I don’t even know his name. But he was a such a nice guy. And the interesting thing was that  it doesn’t matter--- I look at people as people, not based on the skin color. But she was a black woman, and the guy was a white man. What a beautiful human being.

It is so nice to see when people put skin color on the side and treat each other as they would want to be treated --- with care and respect. When I came back to Champaign, I stopped at the Amtrak station and asked the lady who was working there at that time but she didn’t know anything about her what happened. I hope and pray she is safe and sound.  

Happy love day

Valentine's Day is around the corner. The stores are full of Valentine’s products.  Many couples are excited and can’t wait to celebrate the day with their lovers. Lots of people are planing  to get engaged, and some get married this day. The excitement and the love is in the air. I wonder how many of us and especially the new generation know why we celebrate Valentine's Day. Here is the link  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentine%27s_Day

To my observation many people think Valentine's Day is about getting box of chocolate, roses, heart shaped cards, kisses and looking pretty. No. Those are all martial things. It’s more than that. It’s about your feelings for one another and sharing love. And it’s not limited to only couples. Love is for everyone. It’s also about friendship and care.

Sadly to say, Valentine’s Day is not a happy and loving day for many people. It’s a biggest breakup day of the year after New Year’s Day. Here is where you can read more about it. http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/breakups-spike-valentine-day-article-1.1265183  How sad is that? But that’s life. To me we shouldn't focus on one day of the year to celebrate love day. It should be everyday. It doesn't mean spending money or making a big deal about it. We should let each others  know how much they mean to us and respect, love and care for them every single day. It’s the feelings we provide for each other that stays with us forever, not the box of chocolate, flowers or pretty places.    

I am not into material things and I truly treasure people around me. Each of you individuals are very important to me. I feel pretty blessed and lucky to have all of you beautiful people around me and part of my life. And you know who you are. I am trying to live my life as if  there is no tomorrow so what I have is only today. I may not get an another chance to say I love you all and happy love day.