Women’s journey

                                                          Women’s journey

Recently a friend and I had a discussion about women and love. Honestly, how many of us know the real meaning of love? We all want it and look for it, but why do we keep on coming up short? If we are doing everything right, then shouldn’t the relationship last?

It doesn’t matter where we are from; we all want to be loved. Many of us, however, have this unrealistic idea about love. The man should be tall, handsome and perfect in every way. Where do we get these notions? Fairytales and movies are where these perfect people exist. We learn about love and the form it should come in from when we are little girls.  They show it in Disney’s animated classics, but the truth is that life is nothing like a movie and we need to accept that. Yet still when we determine if someone is right for you we look for these hero-like qualities. Time to time again we are let down but we put the blame on the other person rather then take responsibilities for our own actions. We get emotional and cry on each other’s shoulders and feel sorry for ourselves. But, how many of us learn from the relationship and try to make better choices after that?

In my opinion, before we even start talking about the man and his flaws we should evaluate ourselves and find our own flaws and weaknesses. Everything starts the people we are. Many women are achieving success in the work place in addition to raising kids and running a household. We are already able to juggle a lot but yet finding love is still the greatest obstacle. Someone else cannot make us happy until we find happiness in ourselves. It is possible to find Prince Charming but they may not come in the way we expect them to. We have to accept the person as is and then we will see the qualities we have been looking for.

Though we may not like to agree that it’s true, we women like to be in control. A relationship should be a partnership not a dictatorship. We don’t want anybody to control us so why do we try to control the other person? It’s rather hypocritical. The feeling of needing to be in control comes from insecurity, a low-self-esteem and plain fear. Many women don’t feel good enough about themselves and compare themselves with other women. The fear of failure pushes the need for control. For any healthy and happy relationships, communication is the key and after that pure honesty. Willingness to take a risk is important so that the relationship can have a fighting chance.

Every person is different therefore it’s unfair to judge a new person based on our past experiences. In contrast if we are gravitating towards the same type of men time after time again and continue getting hurt, there’s a good indicator of what we may be doing wrong.

Being afraid isn’t a bad thing but it’s necessary to find out what you are afraid of.  You can be afraid for the rest of your life and live alone or take a risk at happiness. As scary as it may be we have to let our guards down and let potential come in. For example, you can’t shake someone’s hand with a fist. You have to open all of the fingers in order to shake their hand. So be open.

Physical attraction is the first thing you notice when you meet someone new. Though we all know not to judge a book by its cover, that’s exactly what we do every day.  Our Prince Charming may be right in front of us but we can’t see it because he doesn’t look like a prince.  

50% of Americans are divorced which means 50% of Americans are single and available. I myself am divorced and have been single for the last 8 years. After my divorced I didn’t want to meet anyone and have to start all over again. I was afraid. I decided to raised my daughters and just be a mom. But as they grew up I realized that there isn’t anything wrong with dating. But since I didn’t work on myself first when I met knew people I just assumed that they would make me happy. But last year I decided that 2012 would be a good year for me. I took charge of my life.  I started working on myself, one thing at a time. I decided to why things didn’t work out in a very open perspective.

   I didn’t do it for anybody else, but myself and for my daughters. I started accepting myself as I am and started working on the weak areas of my life. My self-esteem got better. I feel great being single. I feel happy and I’ve never been a better mother. I am transforming myself completely from the inside out.

            When we talk about love the first thing that comes to our mind is feeling good about each other, wanting to be with this person all the time, your heart beats faster when you look at them. For me that is not love. This kind of love suits teenagers when in high school. Love should be more mature, peaceful, relaxed, understanding, caring, trusting, and communicating. Without touching he can touch your heart. To me that’s love. Love is a deeper connection between two people who deeply care, respect and want to be with each other.

I would rather be with someone who I can truly love for a short time, instead of spending the rest of my life with superficial love. It took me time to understand how important self-respect and pride is. Once you have it nobody can take it from you. When we feel complete within us, others can see and that’s when you attract the right people. Beauty comes from within and the people who see who you are on the inside are the one’s who will love you unconditionally.