Saeeda Baji (older sister)
Today is July 4 2012 at 2:18 AM. For the last few hours I have been trying to sleep
but can’t since I got a text from home. “Her surgery just started and it will
be done in 2.5 hours. Keep praying”. Her whole life is in front of my eyes like
a movie, I never thought I could be so attached to her.
Her name is
Saeeda. She is my eldest sister and that’s why we all call her Baji. Baji means
an elder sister with respect. She is five years older then me. Growing up I
don’t have many memories of her. But I remember that she was in 2nd
grade with me. At that time I wondered how they two of us could be in the same
grade but I never asked. I also noticed that she was getting special treatment
from the teachers and the principle. Before we both finished 2nd
grade she stopped going to school and stayed at home.
Later this is what
my mother told me about her. She was born perfectly normal, no physical issues;
as a matter of fact she is prettier than all five of us sisters. But when she
was nine years old our father suddenly died from cancer and she went into
shock. She lost her ability to speak properly and became very aggressive. I
still remember in school she would always sit in a big red chair and the whole
class knew it was her chair. One day one of the boys decided to sit in her
chair. I don’t know if he did it on purpose or not but she got very angry and
slapped him. He started crying and the teacher took her to the principle’s
office. Since that day she never went back to school.
Instead she stayed
at home and helped our mother out with house chores. She wasn’t physically
aggressive toward any of us but if she gets upset her language becomes very
violent and vulgar. She cried and cried and wouldn’t talk to any of us for
days. She is very sensitive. None of us could have a normal conversation with her.
She wouldn’t understand but she always complained that she was treated like a
child. She behaved like a child but she always wanted to be treated like an
oldest sister with responsibilities.
Growing up we all noticed
that our mother treated her differently and gave her extra care and love. Still
none of us ever became jealous of her because of that. Though we didn’t know
what was wrong with her we felt it. She never had friends like the rest of us
and stayed home with our mom. Our mother was very protective of her.
Slowly when I started
growing up, I noticed that her language was bad it was hard to understand her. As
family we got used to it but outsiders have a hard time understanding her. She
tries her best to help but she has no understanding, for example about cooking
for 4 people versus 8 people. She always cooks a lot. She wouldn’t take a shower
or change clothes until it was really dirty or until mom made her change, then
she would get upset. When we came home from school she served lunch to us and
wouldn’t let any of us clean the table or help her out. Later on I learned that
was her thing and it was making her happy. She enjoyed stitching and I remember
she leaned quite a while from all of us. She always wanted to go to school with
us. When we were doing homework, she would come and sit with us. She also had a
backpack with her notebooks too. Mom would give her something to write and
learn but she had a learning disability as well.
Back then people
didn’t have awareness about how to treat people that were different. The way
our mother raised all five of us we never treated her differently. Yet other
kids would call her crazy and make her cry for hours. She would get really mad
and run after them to hit them; the kids laughed at her and thought it was
funny. I still remember her crying, painful and hopeless face.
I never liked
seeing her serving food to all of us or cleaning after us. I tried so hard to
stop her but many times she thought I was against her and she would get upset
at me. I guess she enjoyed doing house chores, cleaning and cooking. One day
when she was 17 while we were at school she was cleaning and opened the glass
window. She didn’t know it was loose and that her hand was underneath the whole
glass came on her hand and cut the veins in her fingers. Mother told us later that
she screamed and the blood was all over. As soon as mom took her to the
hospital they had to do emergency surgery. When she got home she was smiling and
showed all of us what happened. She said to us, “I am a very strong girl, I
didn’t even cry”. As soon as her hand started feeling a little bit better she
started doing everything again. However the doctor said that by the time she
got to the hospital she had lost lots of blood and her veins had begun to
shrink. They did physical therapy for a short time but there was nothing else
that could be done. Her hand wasn’t the same after that because now she can’t
no longer touch her fingers together.
My two other elder
sister’s marriage proposals started coming and soon they were married. Saeeda
didn’t like that, she used to fight with mom and tell her that our mom didn’t
love her that’s why she wouldn’t get her married. Though there were no
proposals for her, she wasn’t aware that there was something wrong with her. When
my marriage proposal came she was 22 years old, though it wasn’t my fault I
felt guilty.
No one told mom that
there were special schools that could help people like Saeeda. However it may
have been hard for her to accept that there was something wrong with her. After
our father’s death she became her security blanket, and I don’t think that mom
wanted to let go. I noticed when I moved to America
that there were schools for people like her; I wished that she had had the
opportunity to come here.
As we got older we
started thinking about how she had never been properly diagnosed or treated.
One day I called my other sister and talked her into going to a doctor to see
what the problem was. After many tests and results we found out that from birth
she had a mental disability. We still don’t know if that had something to do with
our father’s death but that’s when mom started noticing it and she blamed it on
his death.
She is 45 years
old now and living with our mother, she is still taking care of the house. Mom
and Saeeda are so close and are like best friends. Many years ago suddenly my
other sister’s husband passed away and she moved in with her two daughters. When
I went back home to visit 5 years ago, I saw a strong team bond between all
five of them and that made me feel really good. Anywhere my sister and nieces
goes they always take her with them. They carefully take care of her
needs. Every time I called home I talk
to Saeeda too. Sometime’s I understand what she is saying sometime’s I don’t.
But I don’t show her. I try to make her laugh because it is the purest laugh
I’ve heard.
When we were young
I don’t remembered how but we got really weird nick names that us sisters still
call each other. She was called grandfather, mainly because of her strong
personality. I was called stick becomes I was skinny. Still whenever we talk to
each other that is what we call each other.
Three weeks ago I
got a call from my other sister and she told me that they had found a tumor in
Saeeda’s uterus. My first reaction was God why her? They also found out that
she has hyperthyroidism and due to that she has been loosing
weight very quickly. From 130 lbs to 90 lbs. She is anemic as well and has to
have bloods before and after the surgery. Because she’s anemic her heart rate
was abnormal. When I called and asked how she was doing she said, “don’t worry
about me I am a very strong woman and don’t you cry”. No doubt she is a very
strong woman.
Today was her
surgery. Not to long ago I got a call from my niece with news that her surgery
was five hours long due to her heart issue. But the surgery is all done and she
will be in the Intensive Care Unit for the next 24 hours.
Last night my
sister called me and said that the surgery was successful. They will take her
home soon. I pray to God to please take good care of
her and give her a healthy and long life (Amen).
She is a blessing to our family. She has had a very hard life but she
accepts who she is and is always smiling and taking care of her family. I wish
her all the happiness in the world and miss her a lot.
Love Zainab
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