Misunderstanding but huge lost

Misunderstanding but huge lost

Friendship is a beautiful connection between two humans. It doesn’t require blood connection, religion, age, gender, statues or skin color. It’s a pure relationship nobody can describe but just feel it. Some time it takes time for friendships to grow or sometimes, the first time you meet them and there’s that instant click, like you’ve known them forever. The bond between friendships is based all on trust. And in many cases some friends become closer than our own blood relatives. And you feel like you can share or count on that person for anything and anytime. But when your close friend loses trust in you and your friendship ends and you don’t even know what happened, that hurts the most. Recently this happened to me, I tried my best to explain my side but there was nothing I could do about it. The only things you’re left with are priceless memories. 

            After I moved to the States, I became friends with someone the same age as me, she was very nice and in no time we became like family to each other. We lived close by so it was easier to visit each other anytime we wanted.  I had that trust in her, I knew I could count on her anywhere and anytime and she felt the same way about me. We both started life with each other, first we finished school, got a job, I then got married first and many years later she did too. Our kids had an age difference but they still hung out with each other.  Our friendship kept growing.  Our kids and husbands also become each other’s friends. Unfortunately, life doesn’t stay that simple. Many years ago, when I got divorced, she and her husband were there for me to cry on their shoulders. They supported me unconditionally and I was grateful for that. Nothing had changed from my side except I became a single parent and had more responsibilities, even though I tried my best to be in contact with her as much as I could she understood what I was going through and never complained and I never felt anything negative from her side.

           A couple years later, one night when we were talking on the phone she started crying and said to me, she is very unhappy in her marriage and wanted to get a divorce. I was in shock. Her husband seemed like a very nice, caring and a family man. But as a friend I told her I would support her no matter what. And I did. It was a very stressful time for her and I understood because I had gone through the same thing so I was there for her as much as I could. And two years later she got divorced. Both her and her ex-husband’s focus was on their kids. During their divorce time I also talked to her ex-husband, she knew about it and told me I didn’t have to take anyone’s side. And I told her I wouldn’t but if I see anything that wouldn’t benefit their kids, I would let them know. After the divorce was over she decided to move 3 hours away from me. She found a nice job and bought a house there. I was very happy for her. We kept our friendship going but I noticed she was getting really busy with taking care of her home, kids, work and herself. I understood her and still supported her. She told me it was hard for her to communicate on the phone but emailing is easier. So we communicated through email more than phone. Meanwhile, her ex-husband and were still talking on the phone. I always looked at him like a brother/friend. Since I had gone through a divorce and it wasn’t my choice I could understand his side too.  He just wanted someone to listen to him.  Many times my daughters and I went to visit both of them and they both did the same thing too but now we had to visit them separately with their kids    

            And everyone was okay with this arrangement. But I didn’t know how and what triggered her, I noticed she was getting more and more distant from me. And again I thought she was under stress so I shouldn’t make a big deal about it. So I let it go. But recently she surprised visited me with her kids and I was really happy to see her. After we had lunch she asked me if we could talk: I thought we would have our normal conversation. She surprised me when she accused me of having an affair with her ex-husband. My mouth dropped and I didn’t believe what I had just heard. I was in shock thinking, do you have any idea what are you saying and who are you saying this to? She wasn’t willing to listen to me at all, she was angry and was yelling at me. I tried to explain my side but she didn’t want to give me a chance and I felt like I was wasting my energy on her. I am someone who believes in communication and without crossing the line. It doesn’t matter how close you are, you still have to maintain the boundary and I felt like she had crossed it. And I was not okay with that.

            After she left I wrote her an email explaining how wrong she was and asked what made her think that way, plus and I am not that kind of person. I was even feeling weird about writing all of that because we had known each other for more than 23 years. That’s a long time to get to know someone’s personality and what kind of person they are. Her email came back with more accusing words, stating I have no rights to talk to her ex-husband anymore. I was not comfortable with the things she wrote about me. Later I got a call from her ex-husband and he told, she was acting weird and he had received a similar e-mail from her. He was also in shock and was feeling sorry for me. He also couldn’t believe she went that low. I took my time and wrote a 4 page email to her and explained everything calmly and firmly and let her know how she made me feel without having done anything wrong. You point to my character and I am not okay with that. I didn’t want this thing to continue. I decided whether she gets it or not, there is nothing I could do to change her mind this time. It’s been 6 months now and we haven’t spoken and honestly I am sad about it.

            Sometimes I wonder, what if I was married, would she still accuse me? Just because I am a woman and single, I became her target. And she thought just because I was talking to her ex-husband I was having an affair. First of all, they divorced so she has no control of him anyways. And second, she couldn’t see after 23 years of friend I am not that kind of woman who looks any opportunity to grab a man. I have been living single for the last 11 years and only my girls and I know how our last years have been. When your own close friends treat you like that it hurts deeply and I believe one day I will get over it.

            When I got married my mother couldn’t give me a lot on my dowry but she filled me with honesty, pride, truthfulness and respect. And those things nobody can take away from you. And with these qualities, you will always feel rich even when you don’t have money to pay bills or not enough food to feed your kids.