A good attitude gives good results

Here comes the New Year with the New Year resolutions. The most popular resolution in the States is losing weight, especially for women. It’s no secret that the United States is at the top in obesity in the world. But the interesting thing is that at the same time, the United States is obsessed with being skinny.  

This article isn’t about how to lose weight. I am not interested in that at all. I am with you. I am also tired of seeing and hearing about how to lose weight. Instead of that, my focus is on how a good attitude gives good results, and that’s what I want to write about. The past is in the past and the brand-new year is right in front of us. Let's start with a good attitude so we can all start seeing good results. I am not a doctor or a therapist, but I have lots of life experience with many different things in life, and that’s what I am interested in writing about.

First of all, we know we are all different. Our genes are different, and because of our genes, everyone's mind and body works differently compared to others'. That’s not a bad thing. It’s actually a good thing because that makes each of us unique. I have five sisters raised by the same parents, but all of us are very different in everything from our looks to our way of thinking.

The very first things I would like to say is that it’s very important to accept who we are, our gender, age, surroundings, social status, and even where we live geographically. Acceptance is the most basic but a very powerful tool for a successful life. Please stop resisting whatever it is that’s bothering you and try your best to overcome it. We can all wish for a different body type or a different environment or a  higher paying job or to live in a totally different place. But that’s all an illusion. The reality is and always will be that we can’t change who we are, so acceptance is for our own benefit. We have to accept who we are and where we are in life. Before I go deeper, I would like to make a few things clear. One is that what might work for me may not work for you or vice versa. And some of us need more help than others. And we aren’t all motivated, and some people’s  willpower isn’t as strong as others'.

Now I would like to share something personal. Fourteen years ago, when I was going through a divorce, I was a complete mess. I didn’t want a divorce/change even though I was unhappy, but I was comfortable where I was. So I started  resisting, and I was in a complete denial for a long time. My emotions were all over the place. Many caring people asked me to go see a doctor. And I listened to them. The very first thing my doctor wanted me to do was to start taking anti-depression medication. I took her advice, and I started feeling a little bit normal (whatever normal means). But since I was journaling, one day I said to myself, “Wait a minute. Why am I numbing my body and my brain with chemicals? I am human, and I am supposed to feel the emotions I am feeling." Something also told me that if I let my brain  and my body be numb with the chemicals and didn't feel emotion/pain then, at some point in my life, I would have to deal with it. And that could be 10, 20 years down the road. I decided not to take the medication and deal with the emotions at that time rather than later.

It wasn’t as easy as it sounds. I struggled for a long time, but I knew that I was doing the right thing.  I am not against Western medication at all. Some people definitely need it. But I also believe that  there are many other ways we can learn how to control our brain chemicals. Here are a few examples: eating the right food, laughter, being positive, being around positive people, being thankful, not comparing oneself with others, realizing that less is more, continuing to try, living in the power of now, listening with full attention, helping others, not playing the victim, not passing judgement at all, and any kind of exercise whether it’s martial arts, yoga, Tai Chi, or simply walking.   

The reason I shared my personal story with you is that that was my first time dealing with something I didn’t want and was forced to accept, but at the same time, that was also my first time getting to know myself and finding out my weaknesses and my strengths. And I allowed myself to feel all the emoticons I was feeling, and that’s how I also learned how strong I am. Until then I didn’t know that.

There was a time when technology wasn’t common for an ordinary person. But now that is not the case. The entire universe of information is in our hands, our smart phones. Now, it's up to us how we decide to live our life. Before you make your New Year resolutions, take your time, think carefully, and please make realistic goals. Whatever your resolution is, believe in yourself, believe that you can achieve it. If one of your goals is to lose weight, please DO NOT focus on losing weight. We humans are very interesting creatures. We are attracted to what we can’t have. So shift your focus from losing weight to being happy and healthy.

I want to add another thing here that is very important: that is to eat the right food. I am privileged to have been born in Pakistan. Pakistani cuisine is known for its spices. The spices benefit health and prevent many illnesses. Now these days it’s not hard to find any kind of food from any country near our home, so you can try it. If you don’t know how, please google Pakistani recipes or ask around. The health benefits go a long way. This is how I look at it: When I eat the right food, that shows that I respect my body and I also care about my health. And also that I am important for myself. Not everyone has perfect health, but whatever health issue you have, learn about it and see how you can overcome it instead of letting the issue become your identity.

I remember when I was growing up having a stomach ache all the time. When I was around twelve years old, I was admitted to the hospital for a week for having a really bad stomach ache. What I remember is that the doctor told my mother that “your daughter is very sensitive and she takes everything seriously and her pain is caused by an ulcer.” And he also told my mom that this was something I would have to deal with for the rest of my life. I don’t know if he was right or wrong, but I sure remember having a stomach ache all the time. But as I started growing up and started learning about healthy food habits and a healthy lifestyle, I took a 180-degree turn. Now, I don’t even remember the last time I had a stomache. There are so many simple and easy ways to avoid pain and be healthy. I changed my diet. And I work out. On both my parents’ side we have high blood pressure, diabetes, and heart problems. I am about to turn 45 years old, and I have perfect health. Last year, when I had my physical, my doctor said to me, “You don’t need to take vitamins since you are getting all the vitamins you need from your diet.”  

It doesn’t matter at all what your age is, either. It’s about having a healthy lifestyle, following your passion, wanting to move, or whatever it is that matters to you. Start taking  care of yourself now. And take full responsibility for your choices and stop making excuses. Time is passing by, and each year we aren’t getting younger but older. Don’t waste another year and still be standing in the same place as you are today in 2017. You aren’t fooling anyone but yourself. Everything starts on the inside. Once we fix the inside, the outside will automatically fall into place. Remember: A good attitude gives good results!

Random Act of Kindness

I didn’t know until this year that just like there is a day for everything, there is also a Random Act of Kindness Day, which was February 17. A friend of mine recently told me that, and this is how I found out. I have known this friend forever. This month she is turning 50 years old. Every year, we exchange gifts on our birthdays. But this year she didn’t want to do that. She has a different plan.  

She said to me that, “As you know my birthday is in this month, but this year I don’t want you to buy anything for me”. I looked at her and asked, “Why not”? She said, “This is what I would like to do: I want to use my special day to make someone else’s day special. I have everything. So I don’t want you or anyone to buy any gifts or take me out; instead of that, the money that was going to be spend on me, I want to combine and give to someone who has a need”. When I heard her idea, of course I loved her more and love her idea. And that’s what I did for her.

She made me start thinking that it’s a great idea to do nice things for others on your birthday. But also we don’t have to wait until our birthdays to do a random act of kindness. We should at least try to do kind things every day or whenever we can. And it’s also not necessary to involve money.  There are so many ways to do kind things throughout the day and everyday.

A Random Act of Kindness is contagious like a smile. And it doesn’t take much affect to start, but it goes long way. I personally love the idea. We are around so many good people, and they are doing kind things to others everyday, but they don’t want to make a big deal about it, and that’s the real meaning and a beautiful thing about the kindness.  

Spring is here

Living in Illinois, we all worried about the bad winter, but before we realized it, this past winter wasn’t that bad and it’s gone already. And now spring is here. March 20 was first day of spring. Spring flowers are blossoming. The sun feels wonderful. The people start doing outdoor activities. Kids are on their spring break. Families started traveling again. Some people like spring cleaning. And most people are coming out of their winter blues. It’s a new beginning for many things. And spring is most people’s favorite season.

I like all reasons. But the spring reason sure help a lot, from being in sunshine to simply wearing lighter clothing.The month of March is over and it’s making me think about  New Year’s resolutions. If you have reached your goals and/or are working on it by now, that’s wonderful. And congratulations to you. But if you have not, that’s OK too. It is never too late to start anything. Springtime can be a great beginning and a great motivation for lots of people. So don’t worry about the last 3 months but please focus on the next nine months ahead of us. And once again before you start anything, ask yourself what do you want and why? And start taking baby steps until it become your lifestyle.There is no solution for anything out there. Everything starts with in us. Once we fix inside outside will automatically fall in the place.

I like to share one of my New Year’s resolution with my readers. When the New Year started I decided every week I am going to focus on one good thing happen to me each week and I will write in down in the peace of paper and then I will put it in the jar. I will open the jar end of the year and read all the positive things happened to me or I focused on each week in the entire year. I am proud to say that I am focusing on the positive religiously. And if I can be honest with you I noticed more than one positive happening to me each week. My positive weekly jar is getting full and just by looking at the jar, it makes me think more positively and do better each day.  

Whatever your goal is, believe you can achieve but you do have to work hard to get it. No more excuses and no more waiting for tomorrow, start today. There is no tomorrow what we have is today. So start living. I really like Jalaluddin Rumi’s quote  “Why do you stay in prison, when the door is so wide open?” Happy spring!

My perfect Mother's Day!

When I was a little girl, just like many other girls, I also dreamed about being a mother. And somehow before ever got pregnant I knew I will only have girls. Twenty- three years ago, my oldest daughter, Iman made me a mother and then later my youngest daughter, Herrah, was born. There is no doubt about how much I love my girls and love being a mother.

Iman was my Mother’s Day gift baby because she was born four days before Mother’s Day. Every year for last 23 years we have been celebrating Iman’s birthday with Mother’s day. But this year is even more special for me.

Four years ago, Herrah went to Loyola University. And we all knew four years later she would be graduating but we didn’t know the date until recently. She is graduating on Mother’s day weekend. How great is that! It’s a beautiful circle. Iman made me a mom on Mother’s day and Harrah's graduating on Mother’s Day weekend. I couldn't ask a better gift then that.

My feelings are overwhelmed with the excitement. Thirteen years ago, when I become a single parent, I couldn't even imagine that 13 years later both of my girls will be college graduates from very nice universities. I was hopeful and wishful, but my circumstances wouldn't let me think that far. Today, when I look back it seemed unreal to imagine my girls and I had come this far. We survived the storm by keeping swimming and never quitting. I can’t describe how happy and proud I was of myself and my girls.

Graduation is one of my favorite times. It doesn’t matter if you are graduating from high school or college. It’s a huge milestone for every child . And nobody can take that degree from you. From the bottom of my heart congratulations to all the graduations and to their parents//family/supporters. They couldn't done it without your support.

All the mothers out there, either you are a new mom or you have been one for a long time. A very happy Mother’s Day to you. Enjoy each day and make memories. Happy Mother’s Day!

  

My role model

A few weeks ago, a few different people gave me a very nice compliment on my looks. And those person have known me for a while. I took it as it was. But I also added this, “Well I thank you very much for saying that, but I have nothing to do with my looks. That’s how God made me. For me it’s more important to be beautiful on the inside. And that’s what I am working on every single day”. This person replied, “Because you are beautiful from inside on the inside,  it shows on your face and also in your character”.

Right away, I got teary eyed. At that moment I missed my Ami so much. My ultimate goal of my life is to be beautiful on the inside just like my Ami. I was feeling proud about people starting to see that in me. But at the same time I know I have a long way to go. My Ami was a complete woman. She didn't have money to spend or a big house to live in. She didn’t travel much; as a matter of fact I don’t ever remember her taking a vacation. Or doing something just for herself. She always included us, her daughters. But she was rich in many ways.She understood life and people at a pretty early age. She was caring, loving, kind, nice, understanding, passionate, sweet, soft, beautiful, mature educated and compassionate toward everyone. And the most important thing she was my mother. I don’t think I will ever reach her level, but at least she is my role model and she helps me to be a better person every single day.

Many people have higher education and they have higher paying jobs, too. But that doesn’t define us. What defines us is how we treat others and how caring and loving we are toward each other. Finding a balance is also very important. We are playing many roles, and I know as humans we aren’t always winning but it’s not always about winning but trying our best. We are always learning and we will never stop learning until we die. And everyday is different. So hang in there and keep thinking positive and find a role model and if you don’t have a role model you become someone else.  Life would be so much better.

Happy lovers' day

Here comes the lovers’ day. The stores and places are full of heart-shaped decoration, chocolates and red roses. The flower shops are busy preparing beautiful bouquets. The restaurants are full of reservations, and the couples can’t wait to celebrate the romantic day together. It’s a beautiful and fun day call Valentine's Day, also called Saint Valentine's Day. If you don’t know the history of valentine's day here you can learn from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentine's_Day.

As you, my readers, know I don’t like to write things as on the surface but to go deeper and be real with myself and to others. So here is what I think of valentine's day: Why do you pick only one day out of 365 days. What about other 364 days? To me Valentine's Day should be everyday from morning to night. And instead of having so much emphasis on one day, do it every single day. Show your love, care and respect everyday. That’s the real meaning of Valentine's Day. Money can’t buy real love.

There are so many single people out there, and they wish to be in happy, loving and healthy relationship. So please be sensitive to others and don’t show off but be humble and caring toward other human being. Recently this article caught my attraction “A new Yahoo! survey found that between the December holidays and Valentine's Day, people are more than twice as likely to consider breaking up than any other time of the year.” http://abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=2863607&page=1

Where there are so many people excited, happy and looking forward to spending time with their lovers, at the same time there are so many people’s heart get broken, and they are sad, alone and crying. Of course Hallmark and TV doesn’t want us to know about that. They show only the good and happy side of  Valentine's Day. There focus is on making money only.

Also, I try my best to understand other side. I can’t imagine how much pressure some men feel when finances are tight and they see how much competition out there. Instead of putting more pressure on our men, Let them know how much we care, love and respect them without them spending money. We all know men likes to feel special and wanted. Once we women truly appreciate them, they like to do more for us, which is a win/ win situation.

I am not against Valentine's Day at all. But I am against why do we celebrate one  day out of 365 days. If we truly care and love this person then we should show our love and care to her/him everyday. And showing love and care doesn't even cost a penny. Have a great Valentine's Day every day!

 

A good attitude gives good results

Here comes the New Year with the New Year resolutions. The most popular resolution in the States is losing weight, especially for women. It’s no secret that the United States is at the top in obesity in the world. But the interesting thing is that at the same time, the United States is obsessed with being skinny.  

This article isn’t about how to lose weight. I am not interested in that at all. I am with you. I am also tired of seeing and hearing about how to lose weight. Instead of that, my focus is on how a good attitude gives good results, and that’s what I want to write about. The past is in the past and the brand-new year is right in front of us. Let's start with a good attitude so we can all start seeing good results. I am not a doctor or a therapist, but I have lots of life experience with many different things in life, and that’s what I am interested in writing about.

First of all, we know we are all different. Our genes are different, and because of our genes, everyone's mind and body works differently compared to others'. That’s not a bad thing. It’s actually a good thing because that makes each of us unique. I have five sisters raised by the same parents, but all of us are very different in everything from our looks to our way of thinking.

The very first things I would like to say is that it’s very important to accept who we are, our gender, age, surroundings, social status, and even where we live geographically. Acceptance is the most basic but a very powerful tool for a successful life. Please stop resisting whatever it is that’s bothering you and try your best to overcome it. We can all wish for a different body type or a different environment or a  higher paying job or to live in a totally different place. But that’s all an illusion. The reality is and always will be that we can’t change who we are, so acceptance is for our own benefit. We have to accept who we are and where we are in life. Before I go deeper, I would like to make a few things clear. One is that what might work for me may not work for you or vice versa. And some of us need more help than others. And we aren’t all motivated, and some people’s  willpower isn’t as strong as others'.

Now I would like to share something personal. Fourteen years ago, when I was going through a divorce, I was a complete mess. I didn’t want a divorce/change even though I was unhappy, but I was comfortable where I was. So I started  resisting, and I was in a complete denial for a long time. My emotions were all over the place. Many caring people asked me to go see a doctor. And I listened to them. The very first thing my doctor wanted me to do was to start taking anti-depression medication. I took her advice, and I started feeling a little bit normal (whatever normal means). But since I was journaling, one day I said to myself, “Wait a minute. Why am I numbing my body and my brain with chemicals? I am human, and I am supposed to feel the emotions I am feeling." Something also told me that if I let my brain  and my body be numb with the chemicals and didn't feel emotion/pain then, at some point in my life, I would have to deal with it. And that could be 10, 20 years down the road. I decided not to take the medication and deal with the emotions at that time rather than later.

It wasn’t as easy as it sounds. I struggled for a long time, but I knew that I was doing the right thing.  I am not against Western medication at all. Some people definitely need it. But I also believe that  there are many other ways we can learn how to control our brain chemicals. Here are a few examples: eating the right food, laughter, being positive, being around positive people, being thankful, not comparing oneself with others, realizing that less is more, continuing to try, living in the power of now, listening with full attention, helping others, not playing the victim, not passing judgement at all, and any kind of exercise whether it’s martial arts, yoga, Tai Chi, or simply walking.   

The reason I shared my personal story with you is that that was my first time dealing with something I didn’t want and was forced to accept, but at the same time, that was also my first time getting to know myself and finding out my weaknesses and my strengths. And I allowed myself to feel all the emoticons I was feeling, and that’s how I also learned how strong I am. Until then I didn’t know that.

There was a time when technology wasn’t common for an ordinary person. But now that is not the case. The entire universe of information is in our hands, our smart phones. Now, it's up to us how we decide to live our life. Before you make your New Year resolutions, take your time, think carefully, and please make realistic goals. Whatever your resolution is, believe in yourself, believe that you can achieve it. If one of your goals is to lose weight, please DO NOT focus on losing weight. We humans are very interesting creatures. We are attracted to what we can’t have. So shift your focus from losing weight to being happy and healthy.

I want to add another thing here that is very important: that is to eat the right food. I am privileged to have been born in Pakistan. Pakistani cuisine is known for its spices. The spices benefit health and prevent many illnesses. Now these days it’s not hard to find any kind of food from any country near our home, so you can try it. If you don’t know how, please google Pakistani recipes or ask around. The health benefits go a long way. This is how I look at it: When I eat the right food, that shows that I respect my body and I also care about my health. And also that I am important for myself. Not everyone has perfect health, but whatever health issue you have, learn about it and see how you can overcome it instead of letting the issue become your identity.

I remember when I was growing up having a stomach ache all the time. When I was around twelve years old, I was admitted to the hospital for a week for having a really bad stomach ache. What I remember is that the doctor told my mother that “your daughter is very sensitive and she takes everything seriously and her pain is caused by an ulcer.” And he also told my mom that this was something I would have to deal with for the rest of my life. I don’t know if he was right or wrong, but I sure remember having a stomach ache all the time. But as I started growing up and started learning about healthy food habits and a healthy lifestyle, I took a 180-degree turn. Now, I don’t even remember the last time I had a stomache. There are so many simple and easy ways to avoid pain and be healthy. I changed my diet. And I work out. On both my parents’ side we have high blood pressure, diabetes, and heart problems. I am about to turn 45 years old, and I have perfect health. Last year, when I had my physical, my doctor said to me, “You don’t need to take vitamins since you are getting all the vitamins you need from your diet.”  

It doesn’t matter at all what your age is, either. It’s about having a healthy lifestyle, following your passion, wanting to move, or whatever it is that matters to you. Start taking  care of yourself now. And take full responsibility for your choices and stop making excuses. Time is passing by, and each year we aren’t getting younger but older. Don’t waste another year and still be standing in the same place as you are today in 2017. You aren’t fooling anyone but yourself. Everything starts on the inside. Once we fix the inside, the outside will automatically fall into place. Remember: A good attitude gives good results!