It doesn’t matter which culture you are from, whether we like it or not our culture plays a huge role in lives. Growing up most of us don’t know what’s right or wrong but we follow what culture has laid out for us. That’s what everyone else is doing or you feel pressure from your culture and so you do it. Once we become adults many of our own cultural etiquettes feel strange or make us uncomfortable. As adults you understand that just because it’s cultural, that doesn’t mean you have to follow it or keep repeating it especially if you disagree.
Pakistan has very strong traditions. Pakistan is a Muslim country and culture and religion often overlap. Growing up I followed my religion and culture but once I moved to the USA I start seeing everything from new eyes and using my own judgment. Every time I go back my own culture feels strange to me. My last trip was longer than usual and I made it feel like home. The cultural differences were very clear to me. As an observer I felt sad about many of the traditions, in addition people can’t see what they are doing wrong. Since it’s a tradition they are flowing the old path. Here are some noticeable differences about Pakistani culture.
Being lighter skin!
Pakistani’s have higher pigmentation and therefore darker skin. There are many people who have light skin as well, but only light skin is considered beautiful. I remember when I was a teenager someone told me, “Zainab you have big eyes, long hair and you are skinny but it’s too bad you aren’t fair skinned”. I was surprised to see how many TV commercials there are about different types of cream to make your face lighter. Many women don’t wear bright colors including white because that makes them darker.
During my mom’s visitation I met many old relatives, friends and neighbors who I haven’t met for a long time. Many of them were surprised to see me because of how dark I am. They didn’t even say hello or how are you to me but the very first thing that came out of their mouth was, “ What happened to your skin?”, you’re so dark. They way they said it made it sound like I got some kind of disease. Darker skin is considered ugly and lighter skin is beautiful.
Here is the interesting thing, I noticed that western culture prefers tan and darker skin and they look at that skin color as beautiful and attractive. Since I moved to the US countless people have giving me compliments on my skin tone. Recently after I came back from Karachi, friends came for condolences and some of them gave me compliments on the tan I got while I was there too.
Mean words!
Pakistan culture is very much involved in everyone’s business. They aren’t afraid or ashamed to ask anything and there is no limit for them. They don’t care if a question is too private or not, they dare to ask anyways and expect the answer. They don’t feel they are being rude when they ask personal questions. From the cultural perspective they care the about other person and that’s why they feel they should ask. But then I noticed that they get the information and they pass it on to others and it starts a gossip session.
Another thing I noticed especially in women is that if someone gains weight they will tell you to your face that you look fat. And if someone loses weight they say oh you look so pretty or handsome, with the belief that before they were looking bad. And even more so, they will touch your body such as your stomach, arms, cheeks and will say how fat you are. It makes the other person very uncomfortable and self-conscious but it’s the culture. Acne is another thing many girls have to deal with. Some get less and some get more, but Pakistani people will touch your face and tell you, “oh look you are getting acne do something about it”. Like you didn’t know. I felt like there are no boundaries and for them it’s cultural, but for me it’s rude to make comments about anyone’s weight, color, height etc. I didn’t like it at all.
Lying
Growing up my mother and religion taught me that lying is a bad thing and good people don’t lie. I tried really hard to be honest with myself and with others, I taught my kids the same thing. I believe it’s really hard to trust another person when they often lie. Every single relationship is based on trust. I was surprised to see and hear how much people lie. For me a lie is a lie whether it’s small or big. After lying for so long, it seemed to me that they don’t even think about it. I saw it everywhere and was very disappointed and sad to witness that. I tried to convince some people when I caught them lying but instead of them listening to what I was saying they tried to convinced me they weren’t lying. A lie is a lie, there is no justification or explanation for that especially to the extent of which I saw it.
Speaking English
Pakistan’s native language is Urdu and it’s a beautiful, sophisticated language. Language is a huge part of any culture. When I was growing up English language was the official language. In middle class and lower class, people didn’t speak English but in upper class speaking English was common. I noticed now that speaking English has become more common than speaking Urdu. People are teaching their kids from an early age how to speak English instead of Urdu. They don’t want their children to be behind and that’s why they start speaking English as soon as possible.
Another thing that was surprising for me now, was when people go for job interviews they expect you to speak English and they even start the interview in English. My niece has an MBA and knows how to speak and write in English when she went for a job interview the interviewer started the conversation in English and when he noticed she could speak well, then he switched to Urdu. I wish they could see how important language is. They don’t have to speak English to impress anyone. I am afraid soon Pakistanis will lose their language and that would be really sad.
Here in the US we encourage our kids to speak native languages and make sure they understand the value of it. But it’s sad to see in my own home country they look at it differently and speaking English has become about status and class.
Materialistic
Karachi has become a very materialistic city. If you are living in a big home, drive a nice car and dress well people want to be your friend. Getting to know another person and upholding values have become secondary. I noticed a huge gap between when I was growing up and now. People used to visit each other and often have get-togethers but now very few people still keep the tradition going. But I think it’s also happening all over the world today. It’s very sad that people have become so materialistic and things have become more important than another human being. Having a fake status is something people think is a good thing. They say things or buy what they can't even afford just to show others they can.
Negative thinking toward America and Americans
With many other topics I wrote above this is another topic that is like dirty laundry. It has been always there and everyone knows about it but no one will say anything about it. I am sure lots of people won’t be happy with me but I’m daring to say it nonetheless. Pakistani people and culture are very much impressed by American culture. They like American things. American food, speaking English had also become a part of Pakistani culture. Western clothing is also a big thing in Karachi. If someone lives in USA or is visiting from the USA that person gets more respect and people look at that with high standard. They are impressed by it and envy that person. I know most of them wish they could also come to USA so they could also have a better live. I totally understand them. But the part I don’t like or don’t understand is that beside my own immediate family, others say negative things about America and Americans. Such as America is an overwhelmingly Christian nation and not a Muslim country so that’s a bad thing. Americans eats pork and drink alcohol, good Muslim’s are not supposed to do that so those people are bad. Americans don’t have family values like Pakistan and they disrespect their elders. But the way they say things about Americans is as if they aren’t smart, beautiful, attractive or human, things completely opposite to the truth.
I told them I was born here but I am an American citizen so you are saying those things to me too. They said that I was Pakistani so it didn’t apply. I also told them that I have been living in America for the last 25 years and I know lots of people, we are all Americans and they are very good people. They work hard just like us, have families and care for family like anyone else. So far I have had a great experience living in this Christian country. The freedom I have there whether it’s about religion or culture I don’t have in my own country. If American is that bad why would you want to come to USA? I know their answer is that they want to come and make American dollars and help family back home. To me you want to use a country you deem bad to help yourself and your family. The logic makes no sense to me.
No place and people are perfect, but I wish people would be honest with each other and start looking at each other and treating each other how you would want to be treated. I feel like one of the lucky ones who have experienced both countries and have found a balance. I can see everything so clearly about both counties. Yes, I don’t like to hear negative things about either country but I would rather be real than living in denial. The only times we make a change is when we know there is a problem and realize that change is hard but change can be a good thing especially for our next generation.
